by Kalyani

Once a man gets into a comfortable equation with his girlfriend he is unlikely to want to change it, especially if they have been living together.

You have been dating this wonderful guy for months now and know for sure that he is not seeing anybody else. So what could be keeping him from popping the question? Here are ten reasons may be why he hasn’t proposed yet together with tips on making the waiting easier on you.

1. Things are great as they are.Once a man gets into a comfortable equation with his girlfriend he is unlikely to want to change it, especially if they have been living together. Consider the advantages of his situation – he gets sex whenever he wants, emotional support from a devoted girlfriend, none of the responsibilities that come with marriage nor the legal and financial hassles in case of a divorce. However the relationship also includes you and it is only fair to put forward your desires. Do so at an appropriate occasion and wait for him to turn the matter over in his head.TIP: Ask him the right questions and you’ll know his inner feelings.
2. He has commitment phobia.Your boyfriend may adore you and be completely faithful but still break into a cold sweat at the thought of marriage. The fear of committing oneself is a personality trait and can affect both men and women. The only thing for you to do here is to find out if at all marriage figures in your boyfriend’s plans for the future. If yes, then perhaps you can ask him to be a little more exact on when he would be ready to settle down. If no, then at least you know what the problem is and can decide whether to move on.
3. If ‘Variety is the spice of life’If ‘variety is the spice of life’ for your boyfriend, then it could be difficult to extract a proposal out of him. Ideally marriage is about being faithful to your spouse for the rest of your married life but men who enjoy being with different women may have a problem with that. Your best bet here is to fill your relationship with varied and exciting romantic experiences so that your boyfriend knows it is possible to be in a fulfilling and exclusive relationship at the same time.
4. He is afraid of you changing for the worse.‘Women marry thinking their partners will change while men marry thinking their partners will not’. This old adage may have something to it after all. Men wish their partners to be as gentle, carefree and sexually responsive after marriage as they were while dating. However if your partner has witnessed instances of women changing after marriage, he is afraid the same thing may happen to you. Reality TV shows revealing new brides screaming over petty matters has not helped either. Even if this is pure conjecture, nothing you say is likely to reassure your boyfriend that you will not change for the worse. You can however make use of stress-busting techniques whenever your relationship hits a rough patch and hope that your actions will vouch for the maturity of your personality.
5. He may not be ready financially.Traditional gender roles have cast the man as the breadwinner and provider of the family. So if your boyfriend is in a new job, has to pay alimony/child support or still not earning what he feels would be sufficient to support a family, he may be hesitant to propose marriage. If this is so, appreciate his concerns and explain that your joint incomes may be enough for you both to live on comfortably. Or perhaps you could agree to wait another year till your boyfriend feels more confident of taking on the financial responsibilities of a marriage.
6. He is yet to get over a messy divorce/breakup.If your boyfriend has been emotionally scarred by a bad divorce or breakup, he may not yet be ready to walk down the aisle with you. In such cases, the only thing for you to do is to be supportive and give him enough time to get over his unhappy experience.
7. He does not want you to turn into a clinger.If you have been depending on your boyfriend to do every little thing for you, chances are that he is a bit overwhelmed by your neediness and fears that it will get worse with marriage.  Learn to be responsible for your own happiness – go out with your friends more often or have an enjoyable time on your own. Stop seeking his help in things which you can well manage by yourself. All this will make you come across as an independent and mature woman and assure your boyfriend that you are ready for the challenges and responsibilities that come with marriage.
8. He is scared of losing his independence.Perhaps your boyfriend fears that once married, his life will need to revolve you and the home. He may be worried of losing his friends and having little time to pursue his interests. The prospect of having to check with you every time before he decides to stay back for a beer with co-workers or invite his gang over to watch a game on the TV may seem unappealing to your partner. You can put his fears to rest by encouraging him to see his friends and follow his hobbies as he has done till now. Also allow him to have his own space – physical and emotional. This not only means letting his desk be untidy if that is the way he likes it but also holding back the temptation to cuddle up whenever you see him by himself.
9. He feels that you are not the right woman for you.Heart-breaking though it may be, sometimes this may be the only reason your boyfriend is stalling the proposal. There are several instances of women walking out of a relationship after waiting for years for their boyfriends to propose. Soon after, they get to hear that the guy has married someone else after all. If you know for sure that your man is simply biding his time till he thinks he has met the right person, and then you need to consider your own future more than worrying why he won’t propose.
10. How to pop the question.Finally your boyfriend may be simply dreading how to pop the question. It is a big thing for a man to hold his heart out and wait for an answer, no matter how well he knows his partner or how long they have been together. He may not know how to make the actual proposal or be clueless on what he is supposed to say. Also he may worry about you finding the proposal too predictable, not unpredictable enough or a whole lot of things. Make it easier for him by holding your guy close and telling him that simple and sweet works best. Or at least better than wasting half a month’s paycheck on having the proposal written in the sky or posted on a billboard.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.