by Frank Kobola

 

 

We’re old. We’ve accepted it, like Beast resigned to stay in his castle and do Beast stuff forever. Don’t try and make a half-assed effort to comfort us. We know.

 

1. “Oh my god, you’re going to be an old dad.” 

Few things screw with a guy more than worrying about whether or not we’ll be able to play catch with our son without throwing our hip out. But hey, if Idris Elba can do it, so can we.

2. “I think your hairline is receding.” 

Not everyone can pull off bald like Jason Statham. Most of us wind up looking like the dude from Pawn Stars. No one wants that.

3. “Are you tired?” 

We can keep up, OK? Just because it’s 2 a.m. at the club doesn’t mean we won’t be able to wake up early enough for the Denny’s breakfast special. Also, we don’t actually care about getting the Denny’s breakfast special. That’s how hip we are.

4. “Did you ever use cassette tapes?” 

Yes, and don’t look at us like you’re interviewing Sacajawea.

5. “Is that a gray hair?” 

First off, one gray hair doesn’t mean we’re suddenly going to pull up in a DeLorean with a shock of silver hair, screaming that you’ve got to come back to the past with us the following day. And if we are, either let us own it, or help us dye it and convince us no one notices.

6. “Oh, you probably just forgot.” 

Great. Thanks for reminding us that our bodies and minds are in the active process of betraying us. Maybe it just wasn’t worth remembering. Only we’re allowed to blame it on Alzheimer’s when we forget an anniversary.

7. “Do you text?” 

Emojis are literally pictographs a 5-year-old understands. So yes.

8. “You’re not old!” 

We’re old. We’ve accepted it, like Beast resigned to stay in his castle and do Beast stuff forever. Don’t try and make a half-assed effort to comfort us. We know.

9. “Stay out a little longer!” 

We’ll entertain your ability to party all night occasionally, but one day you’ll realize Netflix is better than going out too.

10. “Remember [any ’90s children’s toy]?

Oh, never mind.” If we weren’t a ’90s kid, we can’t take a walk down memory lane with you. We don’t remember YakBacks, we remember Garbage Pail Kids.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.