16 things only people in casual relationships understand

by Anna Breslaw

 

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For instance, when you talk to your mom on the phone and she asks you if you’re seeing anyone and since you tell her everything, you want to tell her about this person, but it’s a little weird for you to be like, “Yeah, there’s one guy I’m sexing but we just sexing.” 

 

1. One person starting to like the other person more but feeling as if they need to stifle it. 

And then the person who likes the other person more has that two-month period where they try to insist to everyone — including themselves — that this is just a “super chill hookup situation” until finally breaking down and being like OK. YOU’RE RIGHT. I WANT TO GET A COTTAGE IN THE WOODS TOGETHER AND CUP HIM/HER GENTLY LIKE A BABY BIRD. OK?? 

2. Sending the 2 a.m. “Are you up?” text. 

Plenty of us have been on the receiving end of this Ghost Booty Call. But sending it, often riddled with drunken typos, is like the saddest telegram from a sinking ship that just wants to get laid. 

3. Barely knowing anything about the person you’re having sex with. 

Because it doesn’t really get much deeper than, “Do you have a condom?” and, “You need to go get a condom.” 

4. Or knowing enough to sort of be able to make conversation but not really. 

How’s your sister? I mean, brother. The one in college? I mean, preschool. Who’s recovering from a whippits addiction? I mean, learning what letters are. 

5. Keeping the evening free “just in case.” 

Or being that dickhead girl who keeps looking at her phone when she’s at the bar with her friends. Turning it face-down on the bar to stop obsessing. Then flipping it back face-up again. Still no text. 

6. Dancing around the topic of Other People because neither of you know whether you’d get jealous. 

“Are you seeing other people? Not that I care. But I mean, I’m curious or whatever.” “Maaaaaaybe. Are you? Not that I care.” “Maaaaaaybe.” —The theme song of hell. 

7. Never knowing whether it’s appropriate to invite him as your date to social functions and then avoiding saying the word “date.” 

Do you want to go to this thing where you’d go with me as a person who goes with me? 

8. Throwing “But no pressure!!” caveats in front of everything you ask each other to do. 

“I mean, you totally don’t have to go to this thing, it might be fun but I totally get if you have plans and I’m not going to be mad if you don’t, I was actually born without the gene to get mad, they sent me to the X-Men Academy for it, so I’m really just low-key and chill and—” [Head explodes.]

9. Getting a wax and then ending up not seeing the dude until it starts growing back, goddammit. 

It’s like rayyyy-yayn on your wedding day, isn’t it? 

10. Not knowing how to introduce him to people. This is my, this is Max. 

11. Having to weirdly explain what you guys are doing to everybody who asks. We’re … I’ll tell you later. 

12. Wondering what he tells his friends that you guys are doing. 

Which could run the gamut from, “We’re just bangin, bro! High five!” to, “She’s the Rose to my Jack.” 

13. Your friends assuming that you want to be his girlfriend and you’re just in denial. 

Even if you really, really don’t, and you’re really, really not. 

14. His friends assuming that you want to be his girlfriend. 

Because chicks can’t have sex casually without #feelings, am I right, bro? 

15. Never knowing whether to kiss good-bye. 

Or just say, “L8r,” and bounce. 

16. Constantly feeling pressure to figure out “what we’re doing.” 

For instance, when you talk to your mom on the phone and she asks you if you’re seeing anyone and since you tell her everything, you want to tell her about this person, but it’s a little weird for you to be like, “Yeah, there’s one guy I’m sexing but we just sexing.”

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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