by Korin Miller

Isn’t it amazing how you sound just like Ariana Grande in your head? “I want you-ou-ooou!”

Sometimes sex can be mind-blowingly hot. And other times…it’s the complete opposite. You know a few of these have happened to you.

You Realize You Haven’t Shaved

…And you seriously debate not having sex because of it. You had big plans to take care of it tonight but, hey, something came up.

You Realize He Did

A little stubble on his face is kind of hot. A little stubble around his boys kind of chafes. Also, why?!

It’s a Commercial Break and You Both Really, Really Don’t Want to Miss the Show

You’ve got five minutes. Make ’em count.

You Really Wish You Had a Hair Tie

Artfully-tousled bed head is hot. But like, seriously, it’s hot… we’re sweating. What you really need is a ponytail and sweatband.

Your Undies = Not Cute

So you stash them in your bag and try to pretend like you’re one of those women who just doesn’t wear underwear in a totally sexy, completely hygienic way. Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets…just go with it, okay?

He’s Wearing Puppy Dog Boxers

Better yet, he’s working them for all he’s got. Must. Keep. A. Straight. Face.

You Have an Audience

His dog is riveted like a tween at a One Direction concert. Any minute now, he’s going to start drooling. WHAT are you looking at, dog?!

You Get a Weird Cramp

I will not pull a LeBron…I will not pull a LeBron…I will not pull a LeBron…

Somebody Farted. It Might Have Been You.

Nobody wants to acknowledge the (smelly) elephant in the room, so you moan your head off to overcompensate. You can blame the dog later.

Apparently Your Boobs Aren’t Attached to Your Body

Judging by the way he’s squeezing and staring, what he’d really like to do is take your girls into the next room and get to know them a little better.

You Blank on Dirty Talk

The answer to “What do you want me to do to you?” is…um…can you give me a clue?

“Gentle” Isn’t in His Vocabulary

Next time you need a tricky door busted open, you know who to call!

He Missed

Now he’s trying to soldier through a jammed penis and you’re trying to pretend like you liked it.

You Should Have Peed First

Because nothing screams “sexy” like stopping mid-act for a bathroom break. Unless he’s into that—in that case, score!

You Can’t Get “Problem” Out of Your Head

Isn’t it amazing how you sound just like Ariana Grande in your head? “I want you-ou-ooou!”

He Totally Stole That Move From a True Blood Re-Run

You should know; you were going to steal it too.

His Roommate Just Got Home

Just stay focused and pray they have soundproof walls.

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Read more in Women’s Health Mag

 

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.