by Michael Griswold

 

 

Marriage sex counseling can be a bit of a taboo subject. Put it this way: it’s not exactly something you want to bring up while having your in-laws over for dinner or while interviewing for a new job.

But, while it may be a bit taboo, it’s also a subject that becomes necessary when certain things happen — or, rather, certain things are not happening. Like, ever.

Marriage sex counseling is a vital step for those whose marriage is sexless (truly sexless, that is, not Dean McDermott’s version of sexless). Even when there are a myriad of excuses — we’ve been married for years, we have four kids, our plates are so full the proverbial mashed potatoes are spilling onto the table — a marriage without sex can take both physical and emotional tolls.

There are ways, of course, to remedy this on your own: if you aren’t having sex, start having it (read: with each other). Even schedule it if you need to. Yet, marriage sex counseling may be more beneficial than self-help (and self-love!) for it allows an objective party to guide you through the process by bringing up things you may not have already thought about. It also teaches you that a marriage without sex can be a sign of deeper problems.

Marriage sex counseling isn’t for everyone: you may simply not need it. But, if you fall into the following three categories, it’s something you should consider taking out for a roll in the hay.

1. You Are Disconnected From Your Spouse

If you and your spouse are disconnected, marriage sex counseling may not be an option; rather, it may be a requirement. Being disconnected from your spouse and filing for divorce is akin to sitting outside all day and getting a sun burn: it’s the predecessor. There may be a million reasons why you are disconnected, but marriage sex counseling, because it focuses on connecting you in the most literal way, can help reconnect and reignite.

2. You Have Forgotten That Sex is Important

This area is where it can get a bit tricky: men may read the “sex is important” line, nod their head in agreement, and shove this article in their wife’s face with a victorious “told you!” Women, on the other hand, may chuckle. But, the truth is that because sex is so important to a husband, it must become important to a wife. A woman wants a man to take interest in the things that interest her — going to the ballet, redecorating the den, listening to how Vicky at work is totally sleeping with Randy from the mailroom — so it’s only fair to do the same. This is, of course, not to say that a wife needs to be sexually submissive to her husband, allowing him to have his way whenever the mood hits. But, she should make an effort to give him the affection he seeks. And, here’s the best part: she should let herself enjoy it as well.

3. You Are Overly Frustrate

Frustration is often part of marriage just as it is part of most other aspects of life. But there is a difference with being frustrated on occasion — she got lipstick all over my work shirt or he forgot to take the trash out again! — and being frustrated all the time. Intermittent frustration is normal, constant frustration is not. So, if you find yourself overly frustrated or about as anxious as an elephant meeting Mickey Mouse, then marriage sex counseling is worth a try. Through it, you can be taught how sex is a powerful way to alleviate the frustrations that tend to burden so many of us.

—————————————–

Read more in Your Tango

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.