4 secrets to keeping the love alive in your relationship

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Whether we realize it or not, our ability to make conscious decisions about the things in our relationships and in our lives will largely determine our happiness.

We are living in an amazing time. Sometimes it may feel as if there is water rising around us: but no human lifeguards out there are capable of saving us. To avoid drowning, we have the personal responsibility to be our own lifeguard, by letting go of outer old ways and embracing new opportunities for growth.

The world is changing so quickly these days, our relationship forms need to change quickly also. Trouble and emotional pain may come when we fail to accept progressive changes in the forms our relationships take.

Many of the rules and strategies our parents and grand-parents used to keep their relationships and marriages together have become ineffective and even counter-productive.

Even if our parents dearly loved us, they could not teach us what they did not know. They could not give us solutions to problems that did not exist in their lifetimes. We therefore are pioneers in a new frontier, facing new challenges that need new strategies. We not only have to master new relationship skills but must also shoulder the added burden of reviewing what we learned from our parents. And what are these new lessons and rules? What do we need to be fulfilled?

Here are 4 Secrets to Get You Started:

1. One secret is to make having fun a priority in your relationships and in your life. Having fun means different things to different people. Figure out what having fun means to you and do those things and create those experiences.

2. Have flowers delivered to your partner’s workplace. She will not only enjoy the flowers but will also receive comments and attention from her office mates which will add to her enjoyment.

3. Drive into the country, find a grassy hill and lie with your partner and look up at the clouds. Play the kid’s game of looking for shapes in the cloud formations.

4. On her birthday, buy your partner eleven real red roses and one artificial red rose. Place the artificial rose in the center of the bouquet. Attach a card that says: “I will love you until the last rose fades.”

Whether we realize it or not, our ability to make conscious decisions about the things in our relationships and in our lives will largely determine our happiness. We constantly make choices, either consciously or unconsciously, about how we will use our time, who we will be with, and what we will do. All these decisions (or lack of decisiveness) positively or negatively affect our happiness. What happens when we don’t make a definite “yes” or “no” is we get stuck in “maybe land” and others decide for us by default how we’ll live our lives.

We therefore, must look at re-creating our relationships and marriages to support our personal fulfillment. No longer motivated by basic drives, but by higher needs, we expect more from ourselves and from life. As a result, we look to our relationships for emotional support to help us express our full potential.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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