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40 wild, crazy, fun things to do in 2011: As told by Denrele Edun

by Denrele Edun

Someone, somewhere has been having a serious talk with the energetic TV Personality and party crasher we know as Denrele (or occasionally Dewere or Werele). It may even have been Denrele himself. Flipcharts, piecharts, why-charts and account figures have been cross examined and first hand feedback from redcarpet/event attendees have been pored over. A serious review has taken place, stock has been taken, issues have been raised. There may even have been a final report on the topic, which is this, “WHAT IS DENRELE?”

After lengthy discussions on the core values of this errr…brand; some examination of his ability to get a party rocking; his qualifications as an eccentric non-stop chattering VJ; the bad-ass-ity of his attitude, the report concludes that every Denrele writeup; which inevitably arrests attention and becomes a hot topic (I mean he thrives on controversy) must abide by a few rules. This is simply a brand management issue, a way of ensuring that die hard fans are rewarded for their loyalty.

It must, for example be a writeup about wild and crazy fun. But it must be quite a self conscious writeup about wild and crazy fun. The kind of “read about” wild and crazy fun, in fact, that it would make it totally impossible to focus on anything else if you were in the middle of having wild and crazy fun.

There should be a few silly one-liners, rampant abuse of the English language, a few extravagant claims, a strutting-self-regard mixed with fun-poking-self-depreciation, near impossibilities, a sneer and a smile!

Well, it’s simply an exercise in rewarding the faithful fans (who have never tweeted an evil remark about Denrele) and reminding floating voters what Denrele is all about in the year 2011. And what he’s all about is the wild and the crazy and the fun…

If that sounds a little like the mission statement of brand CharlyBoy, well who do you think they got all the ideas from in the first place?

40 WILD-CRAZY-FUN THINGS TO DO IN 2011

1. Kiss a Celebrity. If you can’t find one, anyone who’s ever tried out for Project Fame, Naija Sings or  The Next Movie Star counts!

2. Force your way uninvited into a VIP party. Repeat after every stuck-up Nigerian celeb, “‘Don’t you frigging know who I am?!”

3.  Fart in public! Dont destroy your breath valves by holding back a shameless force of nature. Let it out…and fast!

4. Force someone to read.

5. Enter for a pageant – do it just for the trips and hey, there are countless to choose from! Miss Nigeria, MBGN, Miss Commonwealth, Sisi Oge, Miss Delta Soap, Miss Olokun, Miss Motors (yes, you are reading right) and as for the brothers, don’t feel left out…Mr Nigeria, Face of World, Duke of Nigeria, Mr Heartland, Best Beach Body, Mr Bad Guy (dont ask) – and simply deliver a speech about World Peace. Isn’t that what this is all about, after all?

6. Get your Dream job. Yes. You. Can.

7. Learn all the words to WizKid’s “Hola at your bwoi”. Then go on a road trip in a convertible (borrow pose if you may) with your close friends and sing it at the top of your voice!

8. Get a piercing and a tattoo in one single whoop!

9. Have the confidence to say ”I love you” without having to hear it back!

10. Work your behind off to get a nomination at the prestigious The Future Awards. If no one is nominating you, do so yourself. If no one is voting, buy three Nokia torchlight phones and vote endlessly until Chude, Debola and The Future clan call you up to tell you to  take a chill pill!

11. Convince someone that you are really Mercy Johnson’s cousin and Don Jazzy’s schoolmate from wayyy back.

12. Perfect telling one joke. And make it a funny one.

13. Defy a dress code; Encomium White Gig? Wear bright vivacious red! Cupid’s Valentine Ball? Dress outrageously in clashing colors that would make Nkiru Anumudu purple with envy. The Future Awards? Ignore the touch, dash or sprinkle of green! And if you’re bounced at the gate, pretend to call someone important on your cell.

14. Stay up all night with your best friend watching back to back classic movies; I’m thinking Ghost, Dirty Dancing, 7 Lucky Kids, Splash, Police Academy, The Promise (I mean the Indian flick) and in that mix, Living in Bondage and Nneka the Pretty Serpent.

15. Spend 200k on something designer – because you’re worth it – and don’t be scared to let it outta the house.

16. Get a frigging BlackBerry. It sure does come in handy when you run into that celebrity crush at the Galleria, Palms or any fun hotspot. Ladies perfect your pout, and dudes? The tw0-fingered ”peace pose” will never run outta vogue. But hold up, it had better be a Bold 3 like mine (dusting shoulders and flicking back fake shredding extensions), a Torch or better still *coughs* The Empathy for picture clarity else you end up with a dark empty patch. That wanna-feel-familiar-moment-with-ur-fav-celeb comes just once!

17. Ask your boss for a raise.

18. Do something kind for someone else when there’s nothing in it for you.

19. It’s either you are naturally trusting or naturally suspicious. Drop the latter and totally TRUST someone with your love, your life and your new car.

20. Say YES to something that really scares you; from giving a speech, pole dancing at Caliente (guilty as charged *wink*), singing off-pitch-off-key-off-tune at the Karaoke Bar and perhaps taking a dive over 3rd Mainland.

21. Get your CV written by a professional.

22. Get a map of Nigeria, close your eyes and point to a place. Wherever your finger lands, book a holiday or a long weekend at a resort closest to the exotic sights and sounds.

23. Local or International destinations? Fly first class and order triple of what everyone else is having…after all, *in El Dee’s voice*, ”Is it your money?”‘

24. Kiss someone highly inappropriate.

25. And while you are at it, sleep with someone highly inappropriate too! *covering eyes*

26. Protest with a Placard and everything about something you feel passionately about. “Enough is Enough!”  *clears throat* don’t forget your sunscreen for our sweet hot scorching sun.

27. Neither HAIR nor there! Have a drastic hairdo and haircut and no, a couple of inches off the bottom doesn’t count!

28. Away with Hi5! Take a hike MySpace! Boring old Facebook! Twitter, yes get a twitter account and while you are at it, start your own blog. Someone’s gotta give other apt bloggers some serious competition!

29. Watch five Funke Akindele movies in a row namely Jenifa 1 and 2 (We’ve all seen it, I know, but it won’t hurt to watch again), The Return of Jenifa and Omo Ghetto 1 and 2… I defy you not to laugh!

30.Visit a TV set or a film location. Lemme see, I vote for Tinsel, Super Story, Fuji House of Commotion and maybe an Emem Isong flick.

31. Learn at least 10 Chinese words.

32. Spend an entire weekend club-trotting in Abuja.

33.  Discover the reason your parents are so irritating is because they love you so so so so much!

34. Conjure up any random mobile number outta your brain cells and call the person. Pretend to be a porn director who wants a Visa to Serbia and Montenegro for a ritual kissing spree.

35. Visit Rio De Janeiro during the carnival and do some crazy dancing wearing absolutely nothing. *no one would recognize you, trust me*

36. Call your family just to tell them that you love them.

37. Own a pair of aggressive footwear. Buy a pair of killer shoes that you can’t even walk in, and as for the Chairmen, buy the studded pair of Louboutins that will pay my salary till 2013! Reconsidering? Just splurge! What about a pair of 10 inch punk rock Gladiator platforms? *I see someone throwing me five wide fingers – WAKA*

38. Dress like you are headed to the Grammys every minute of your life! In the house, bathroom, toilet, even to buy pure water down the road…You never can tell when the fashion police might spring an arrest on ya!

39. Visit Yaba Psychiatric Hospital to catch up on old times with your former colleagues.

40. Hustle to feature in a music video and do it my way; don’t be in a crowd scene, be at the forefront and steal the spotlight – even from the artist if you can!

And finally, remember, the opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting!


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Comments

  • Hehehehe…i absolutely Love and must try dem ALL!!! YES :D

    seyi February 2, 2011 11:07 am
  • “Defy a dress code; Encomium White Gig? Wear bright vivacious red! Cupid’s Valentine Ball? Dress outrageously in clashing colors that would make Nkiru Anumudu purple with envy. The Future Awards? Ignore the touch, dash or sprinkle of green! And if you’re bounced at the gate, pretend to call someone important on your cell.”

    I LOVES that last line!!!

    Cheche February 2, 2011 12:52 pm
  • What an article! The man beside me in this bus must think am sick! Nice one. I was really cracked up, I forget I’d a hectic day too. I must try one these rules n stop being conservative. Walai dewere just poked me now

    bhuki February 2, 2011 6:50 pm
  • Oh goodness me!ds z jes on check..well i aint goin off TM bridge&i aint gettin naked either..i can try d rest..9ce one.
    .

    iniquevirus February 2, 2011 11:57 pm
  • Nice piece mr Edun, I wuld certainly remember dem and hav fun in 2011

    tayo February 3, 2011 12:03 am
  • Denrele is simply amazing! I read and read till I memorized every line. Y Naija shd feature him as a guest writer evri week abeg

    natasha February 3, 2011 12:41 am
  • DENRELE WERELE “UNEXPLAINABLE MYSTERY”!!! Very creative &crazy! *Thumbs Up Bro

    TOMMY February 3, 2011 2:00 am
  • why should I be surprise u can write? Abeg, u do well! I love everything most especially kissing a celeb! That one I must do this year! And my target will be Genevive Nnaji.

    Jezz February 3, 2011 2:44 am
  • Hahahaha!..nice write-up!..I bet I’ve done about 30 of the things in this note!..I dedicate item 39 to you Denrele as a token of my love for you!..mwuah!

    @Msbeekokomansn February 3, 2011 6:56 am
  • All I know is that this guy can WRITE… I especially love the seamless transition from really outrageous to noble family oriented stuff..like call your family and tell them u love them… It’s like saying those simple things we take for granted can be outrageous to some..

    Thumbs up, Y! for churning out amazing stuff every week.. I’m glad to be a part of this team..

    http://www.berryfeistypen.blogspot.com
    http://www.myjuvenilemuse.blogspot.com

    Akan February 3, 2011 10:03 am
  • Nice tips Edun. I’m gonna consider 5 of my choice starting from 40….

    ABASS February 3, 2011 6:04 pm
  • loooooool@ no10:
    “Work your behind off to get a nomination at the prestigious The Future Awards. If no one is nominating you, do so yourself. If no one is voting, buy three Nokia torchlight phones and vote endlessly until Chude, Debola and The Future clan call you up to tell you to take a chill pill!”
    Loooooooooolz!!!

    theschoolcalledlife February 4, 2011 9:39 am
  • Denrele is just more dan an entertainer.

    Sandra March 11, 2011 6:19 pm
  • what more can i say?? fantastic piece of work`, hilarious and yet indeed creative from a sound mind!

    Prince George March 12, 2011 1:13 am
  • Denrele: u’r def d next big tin for ds country. Very funny and educative. God bless u and dt sweet talent of urs. Bur u gatta do ds for me o.’ Do something kind for someone else when there’s nothing in it for you.’ *wink* nice work bro.

    shalypuming April 9, 2011 5:51 pm
  • Awesome blog, I’m going to spend more time reading about this subject

    army mos May 9, 2011 2:25 am
  • Ha ha ha….. In addition, denrele be true 2 ur sexuality…..fabulosly G A Y!!!!!!!

    zari maji jacob August 21, 2011 5:42 am
  • My blog site is in the very same niche as yours and my visitors would truly benefit from a lot of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this ok with you. Regards!

    Xavier Baio September 8, 2011 8:37 am
  • Interesting post.

    Gregory Smith September 14, 2011 11:59 pm
  • Star essentially forbear to liberate cross one’s heart and hope to die posts I would state. This is the extraordinarily basic time I frequented your network verso and thus far? I surprised with the research you made to create this noteworthy publish incredible. Great undertaking!

    vigtig September 15, 2011 10:28 am
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