by Kiri Blakeley

Depending on what your idea of a “soul mate” is, you could actually be missing out on a lot of love.

Do you believe in soul mates? It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of the ideal “soul mate.” Someone who is absolutely perfect for you in every way, who is wandering around out there, just waiting for that magical moment when the two of you will instantly merge into one and everything from that moment on will be loving, sparkly, and free from any kind of real world distress. You two will immediately recognize each other as “soul mates,” and live happily ever after. Hey, we’ve been brought up on this idea since we were kids and had it jammed down our throats with a million romcoms. But the older we get, the less we might believe in this fairytale. One married woman has written about how she doesn’t believe in “soul mates.” And, hey, that’s okay. Here’s six reasons why it’s fine if you haven’t found your soul mate.

1. It might stop you from finding someone to love. Depending on what your idea of a “soul mate” is, you could actually be missing out on a lot of love. Maybe he’s the friend you share good times with but who doesn’t fit your ideal. Maybe he’s the guy you’ve been dating forever, but who has — gasp! — some flaws. It’s time to take your head out of the storybooks and look around at the real men in your life.

2. There’s no such thing. The idea that there is just one person out of the billions on the planet for you is insane. If you’ve found someone who is your “soul mate,” that’s great. But what were the odds that he happened to come across your path? Not very good. Your soul mate is what you make of him.

3. It’s unrealistic. The idea that anyone can fulfill every single wish, hope, and dream you have; who can be everything you want on an emotional, physical, and mental level — well, that’s just a tad unrealistic. Better to look for people who suit you on many levels and whom you can work with to make the relationship better and stronger. And whose flaws are at least forgiveable if not adorable.

4. Your soul mate might be bad for you. Often when we feel connected to someone in some deep, mysterious way we can’t explain it’s because that person is hitting some very powerful but subconscious buttons. That could mean that we feel compelled to act out childhood traumas with that person. In other words, our soul mate might not be the healthiest choice for us. It can be better to be with someone who makes us feel loved and safe rather than constantly excited and tingly.

5. Soul mates can keep you trapped. If you’re convinced someone is your soul mate and the relationship isn’t good or healthy, you could be reluctant to move on because you tell yourself you can’t leave your “soul mate.” Never mind that your soulmate has all kinds of difficult issues.

6. Soul mates change. The person you might have thought of as your soulmate at 16 might be very different from the soul mate you’d want at 40.

If you feel you’ve found your soul mate and are happy, then that’s awesome for you. But it’s not a broad, sweeping generalization that should be applied to the romantic world. There’s a saying: Happiness is wanting what you have. So if you’re not with your “soul mate” but are with an awesome guy, then think of him as your soul mate!

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Read this article in The Stir Cafe Mom

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija