by MsBlackman

When a woman is in love with her man she will learn to look beyond his flaws and dislikes. Of course, she won’t ignore them, but she will learn how to deal with them

I was immediately intrigued by the title of NWSO’s post “6 Things Men In Love Do (Does He Really Like Me?)” when I first saw it via Twitter last week. Based on my own previous relationships I could agree with some of things that were written (i.e. the guy calling, listening, doing something he wouldn’t normally) but had to disagree on a few others (i.e. I hate shopping and I know some dudes that have never cried or just don’t do it). So while NWSO made a good attempt (kudos, smile), at the same time, I think he should have polled some male readers and/or his personal friends to get some other viewpoints as well.

Anywho… After reading that particular post, it got me thinking about how I knew I was really in love with my previous boyfriend. I actually had a similar convo with one of my close girlfriends the weekend before last on the things women do for the men they love, so here’s my list of “6 Things Women in Love Do.”

NOTE: This is my list, so some women/men may agree, some may not (#kanyeshrug) but here goes:

SHE’LL COOK FOR YOU

Now before any ladies try to “go in” on me, let me explain my POV. I know a number of single women (myself included) who might be cool eating cereal for dinner, or a PB&J sandwich after a long day at work. Sure, she may know how to make a few meals (e.g. fried/baked chicken, lasagna, etc.) or she might be a freakin’ chef, but for the most part she’s not throwing down in the kitchen just for herself. Yes, there are a few sisters who will, but you get my drift.

The saying goes that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” and I’d agree that that’s about 75-80% true for most men. So when a woman is in love, trust me, she’ll go that extra mile to “throw down” in the kitchen for her man. If she can’t cook, she may sign up for cooking lessons or if she’s “in good” with the family take lessons from his mom/aunt/sister on that home cooking he might be used to (e.g. mom’s famous sweet potato pie). Regardless if she can or can’t cook, she’s going to make sure that her man knows that the kitchen is definitely one room (among many) that she knows her way around.

SHE’LL LEARN ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE SPORT

This one applies to the man who actually enjoys sports, because as I’ve learned over the years is that not all men do. Personally speaking, I’m crazy about sports—I love football, basketball, among a number of other sports—so for ladies like me this rule may/may not apply.

Many women have to deal with losing part of their weekend with their man during sports season because he’s either chillin’ with the boys watching a game, or, even if he’s home with you, his focus is on the TV. So to increase that quality time on the weekends with their boo or to get invited to attend that game (instead of him taking his best boy) many women will learn the “ins and outs” of their man’s favorite sport, including the players on his favorite team, watching and keeping track of drafts, joining a fantasy league, etc., because they love that man.

For the lady who’s already a lover of sports, she may try to learn more about the team he loves (if she isn’t a fan) so she can show she cares about her man. Or, let’s say she loves sports but not the one he loves (e.g. boxing) she may host a fight party at her place and learn a little bit about the sport and some of its key figures because she loves him.

SHE’LL WATCH/DO SOMETHING SHE WOULDN’T NORMALLY

I couldn’t disagree with NWSO’s argument here. Just as men are particular about certain movies and TV shows so are women. For many men sports is just as important to them as shopping is to some women. A lot of men I meet are crazy about the newest action or horror flick that’s opening this weekend, where a woman might be more interested in seeing The Notebook (great movie by the way) but she’ll cringe through the blood and gore, or the boring plot of Transformers 2 because she loves her man and wants to be supportive of what interests him.

Just like how NWSO has been roped into watching one-too-many reality shows, I can’t count the number of times I’ve been roped into watching Entourage (sorry, not a huge fan), Animal Planet, a political commentary show (take your pick), or some zany series on the SPIKE network. But like many men, we women will sit there and endure the 30-90 minutes because that time is all about you boo!

SHE WON’T NAG YOU

Similar to NWSO’s “a lot of women are longwinded and tend to ramble” comment under the “HE’LL LISTEN” section of his post, my next statement will sound sexist. Most men I know will say that one thing that drives them crazy about women and can often lead to a breakup is that women nag too much. Male egos are extremely fragile so any consistent shot towards that ego is a no-no, ladies, because you will drive him away quick, fast and in a hurry. A man is not trying to hear being constantly reminded of his faults or shortcomings; they also don’t want to hear you constantly complaining about them not noticing your new dress or hair, or that they forgot to put the toilet seat down.

When a woman is in love with her man she will learn to look beyond his flaws and dislikes. Of course, she won’t ignore them, but she will learn how to deal with them and will often find ways to subtly “hint” about things that might make her unhappy. She’ll do it so sweetly that he’ll go ahead and do it.

For example, a girlfriend may be really annoyed about her man spending more time with his boys instead of her. Rather than nag him about it, she may offer to host a game night at her place where his boys are invited so that he gets to hang with his boys, but she also gets that time with him, just on her terms.

SHE’LL COMPROMISE FOR YOU

I’ve noticed in a few of my past relationships, and in conversations with both single male and female friends, that one of the big issues or sore spots in the relationship (besides a lack of communication) was a lack of compromise. Oftentimes, a person will enter a relationship thinking primarily about what it is they want and expect of the person they’re dating.

I remember one guy I had gone out with a few times who told me that his future wife needed to be a stay-at-home mom, that she would take/pick up their kids from school, and before he got home she had to bathe and feed the kids, have the kids’ homework done, have his dinner and bath ready, and then give him a BJ after dinner (that may or may not lead to other physical activity). I think he told me this on our second date. Being the debater that I am, I argued the case for women like myself who have an advanced degree that they would not like to see go to waste, and how they might want to have their own money and not be solely dependent on their husband to provide for the family, and that how in today’s economy a single-income family is basically an anomaly. Dude didn’t budge to my argument and said that if the woman wasn’t down for what he wanted then he wasn’t going to be with her.

Now some folks may feel that this dude knew what he wanted and was going to go for that but IMHO I believe that if you’re in love with someone you’ll compromise. Using the same scenario that this guy gave me, a compromise a woman might give would be to stay home the first five years of the child’s life until they’re of formal school age, or maybe she’d ask for a flexible work schedule where she’d be able to work from home three days a week so she could be there for her children the majority of the time. Believe you me, rather than throw the whole relationship away and what you may have built over time, a woman in love will try to find a compromise to most situations/issues/roadblocks in her relationship in order to “make things work.”

SHE’LL TRUST YOU

Every day more and more of us are hearing/reading about couples who have broken up because someone in a relationship found out the other person was cheating. When you inquire how the person found out it’s often over a text message that the person discovered, an email they checked in their mate’s account, a FaceBook account they broke into, looking at phone logs and calling the numbers listed, or them following their mate for a day to see who they met up with. A lack of trust is often the death of any relationship.

Now, I’m not saying to go into any relationship blindly, because you should always be cautious, but eventually when you’re in love (and again this is MHO) ladies will learn to trust their man (at least they need to). You shouldn’t assume that if your man goes to a bachelor party that he’s automatically sleeping with or getting a BJ by a stripper.

Trust combined with communication, listening, and some of the other things I mentioned earlier make for a healthy and truly loving relationship. If a woman learns about her man—his interests, likes/dislikes, listens to him, doesn’t nag him, and learns to compromise—there’ll be very little reason for him to go elsewhere (unless he’s just a complete loser). So there’s no need or reason for a woman to go snooping around or being distrustful of her man. If you really love your man you’ll learn to trust him just like you would expect him to trust you.

Do you only cook for someone you’re feeling or is that just part of your game? How long do you wait before cooking for someone? How many women would be willing to get into sports for their man? How many fellas would appreciate a woman that was into sports? Do you appreciate someone that’s willing to sacrifice their time to do something you’re interested in? Are you guilty of being a nag? Do you agree that communication is better than nagging? Are you willing to compromise for the right person? Do you think there can be true love without trust? What signs do you use to tell if someone is genuinely in love with you? What did you think of MsBlackman’s version of NWSO’s post?

Speak your piece…

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.