by Kiley Coleman
Sex isn’t just about romance. Sometimes people use sex as a release the same way you want an after work drink.
There are many differences between sex and love. Women enjoy seeing passionate love making in the movies, but sometimes are disappointed by their own experience that doesn’t even come close. There is something so sensual and beautiful when two people have chemistry together. But that isn’t always the case when it comes to sex. Sometimes people have sex just to have sex. Below, I’m going to share with you 8 big differences between sex and love!
1. KNOWING EACH OTHER
The first time you are with someone can sometimes be a bit awkward. It takes time to get to know someone’s body and pleasure points. When you are in love with someone the time you put into getting to know each other’s bodies is intimate. You take pleasure in making sure you know what makes them tick. When you have sex with someone and you’re just doing it to do it, that is a clear difference between sex and love. Sex is a physical act and when looking at it without any spark or chemistry thats when the love is missing.
2. FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS
A lot of people say you can’t be friends with benefits without someone developing feelings, which does tend to be true. But what is going on before those feelings are involved is simply a platonic need to fill ones craving for sex. If you both find each other attractive, and can turn each other on, then why not enjoy the benefits? When the feelings do become involved it becomes more then just a physical act. But again, they are feelings and emotions which is what love is. So just remember if you want to enjoy the friends part, stick to keeping a clear vision that it is not a relationship! Remember, having fears of being intimate is something that everyone deals with.
One of the best things I have heard is foreplay doesn’t start in the bedroom, it starts in the flirting. When you first meet someone and have that chemistry, the sexual tension in itself is foreplay. Sex is just an action, but falling in love includes the foreplay. Foreplay means you don’t want to rush sex, you want to take your time and enjoy every bit of it. When there is no foreplay there’s no desire in wanting to please each other, and that is a major difference between sex and love.
A lot of people misconstrue an orgasm as love. That toe curling, body shaking, want to scream from the top of your lungs feeling doesn’t mean you just experienced love. It is just another part of sex, but getting to that moment does include intense passion and love between a partner. it’s hard to find yourself having the big “O” without being able to connect with the person.
5. SEX IS A RELEASE
Sex isn’t just about romance. Sometimes people use sex as a release the same way you want an after work drink. This is a big difference between sex and love. Love includes emotions, while sex is just the action. Having sex with someone is a release for yourself and can be a purely selfish motive. When you are doing it for that reason, it’s not about love.
Love makes you want to please every part of your partner physically and emotionally. There is something about it that feeds you inside. Think of every romance movie you have seen where the guy courts, woos, and pleasures the woman he is fond over. It is never a rushed experience, but a sensual, caressing, and selfless moment. This is a big difference between sex and love. In comparison, sex can be fast with a goal of get off, and get done. When you’re motive is selfish it’s not about the love.
Think of the movie, ‘How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days’ where Matthew McConaghey and Kate Hudson have that epic moment in the shower where you literally see them fall in love with each other. It is not the most romantic love story but it is one I feel most women can relate too. There’s that moment in a relationship when you connect with your partner on a new level, “love making” as most people call it. That chemistry is something two people can create only when you have love between you two. Of course you can have sexual attraction to each other and a spark. That’s what makes sex hot and steamy, but it is not the full definition of lovemaking. There’s all different levels of chemistry with someone, its just seeing where you truly connect.
A lot of times girls get confused with the differences between sex and love, but I hope these are helpful in relating to your experiences. With these in mind, whether you are single or in a relationship, think about how you feel when you are with someone and if its truly love or truly a hot, steamy, passionate sex endeavor? Have you ever confused sex with love?
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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.