by Julia Austin

Don’t call up your mom right after fighting with your guy. You will most likely blow things out of proportion simply because you want some sympathy at that moment…….

If you have a close, communicative, tell-each-other-everything relationship with your mom, that’s great (and rare). But, like it or not, your mom does come from a different generation. She may have been a teenager when the condom was just being popularized. She may have come from a generation in which women never asked the man out. She may have been a virgin until she was married. Even if she was none of these extremes, there are certain things that always worry a mom when she hears them about her daughter. So don’t tell her about any of these:

Curable STD’s

You try to be safe. You use condoms 98% of the time. And, in a day and age when many women have multiple sexual partners in a month, you deserve a gold star! But…uh oh…you contracted a curable STD from one of those 2% moments. Your mom probably didn’t have sex nearly as much as you are, so if you tell her about it, she is going to interpret it as “my daughter is so unsafe about sex!” When in reality, you’re pretty responsible. Not to mention there are plenty of STD’s that can be contracted even if you do use a condom. Instead of trying to use the awkward save of “but Mom, I used a condom with the other three guys I slept with this month!” — just go get your meds, clear it up, and don’t bring it up.

Fights that just happened

You know you’re always more upset when a fight has just happened. This applies to all types of relationships. You might say things like “That is it. I am leaving him” when in reality, you’re over it within a day. Don’t call up your mom right after fighting with your guy. You will most likely blow things out of proportion simply because you want some sympathy at that moment, but your mom is going to think your relationship has more problems than it really does.

Fights that happen continuously

If there is an issue that you and your man constantly fight about, your mom doesn’t need to hear about it for two reasons: 1) it’s annoying in general to listen to anyone complain about the same thing over and over again, and 2) if you and your guy are fighting continuously about the same thing, and your mom knows that, she is going to think you should end things! So if it’s an issue you’ve decided to live with, don’t bring it up and just live with it.

His acceptable flaws

He is always late. He is socially awkward. He isn’t making enough money. Whatever it may be, these flaws mean different things to different people. They may not make the slightest difference in the way you feel about him, and that’s all that matters—the way you feel about him. But to an outsider, these flaws may seem like deal breakers. If they don’t really bother you, don’t bring them up — especially not to Mom.

His single life

Everyone is a little wilder when single. Almost everyone. You don’t need to tell your mom crazy stories of your boyfriend’s life from when he was single. She doesn’t need to know what a huge player he was. Or how many raves he used to go to. He doesn’t do those things now.  You know he has changed. But your mom might think he hasn’t and judge him unfairly.

Who pays

Your mom might have come from a time when the man always paid—non-negotiable. But your guy might be going through some tough financial times. You know he will pull through, you know he is not using you, and you are just happy to spend time with him no matter who is footing the bill. And you know what? You might just hold the opinion that the two of you should split expenses. And that’s fine. It just might not be with your mom.

Anything at all about a new guy

Women did not date as much 2 to 4 decades ago as we do today. They just didn’t. So, for many moms, when they hear their daughter so much as mention the existence of a guy in her life, they think it’s serious. Even if you just had an amazing third date with a guy, don’t rush to call your mom and gloat about it. The fact that you made that call to her will lead her to call you every week to see how it’s going with that one guy. When, little does she know, you’re dating three guys. It might take you more time to find Mr. Right than it took her to find your dad. She won’t get that, and will try to make every potential husband “the one.” Spare yourself and your mom the stress by keeping secrets like these to yourself.

————————-

Read this article in Madame Noire

 

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.