8 qualities you need to keep your marriage

black-marriage

by Sammy Warepamor

black-marriage

Every gift, talent, knowledge, idea, skill that you possess, that you have gained while you are single should be beneficial to your spouse.

While you’re waiting for that special person God has prepared for you, there is a need for you to learn and possess certain virtues that will help while in marriage. These virtues will help in preserving and keeping strong your marriage. They are:

PATIENCE

You need this virtue in times when things don’t work out as planned in marriage, when there is a delay in expected outcomes in every area of marriage, when you’ve put in all efforts and it seems results are not forthcoming and when you have expectations from your spouse and it’s not forth coming as it ought to in certain areas of your marriage.

Even while raising and taking care of children, you need to exercise patience in handling, instructing, directing, advising, encouraging and correcting them. Some children are slow learners and will need extra time and attention to be given to them before they can grasp what is being taught to them. If you lack patience your efforts will be highly frustrated and fruitless in marriage.

Patience is waiting for your own time to get married and not getting married because your friends/age mates are getting married.

TOLERANCE

This is one virtue you will definitely need because you will be living with an entirely different person with a different mindset, different ways and approaches of doing things. A person with a different way of life, different beliefs and understanding of how things should be done, a person with standards higher than or below yours, a person with a different background.

So while you work towards bringing understanding between you and your spouse and change in unpleasant behaviours, Be Tolerant!

SELF- CONTROL

Many of us as singles have high altitudes of anger level that we can say and do anything to anyone when we are angry. We unleash such high altitude of anger on family and friends without control. But my dear, when you lack control over your anger you can say such derogatory and depressing words that might not heal or might take longer time to heal in the heart of your spouse.

Words are powerful and can do great harm. Proverbs 18:21 says “Death and Life are in the power of the tongue, they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof“.

Your actions too can cause irreparable damage if not controlled. It is advisable to think of how best to handle the situation rather than being sorry for an irreparable damage caused, Proverbs 16:32 says, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he that hath rule over his spirit than he that has taken a city“.

Having control over your anger will help you solve the problem better than retaliating, exchange of words, using force and physical strength (fighting) upon each other. Ecclesiastes 7:9 Says “Be not hasty in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools“.

For the ladies, have enough self control not to confront your husband with fights and have a restraint on what you say when you are angry. For the guys, no matter what your wife says to you in anger, it is absolutely, completely, entirely and totally wrong to beat a woman and particularly your wife for that matter.

UNDERSTANDING

We all possess weaknesses in different areas of our lives. Understanding eases communication and the flow of love and peace in the family, Prov. 4:7 says “wisdom is the principal thing, therefore get wisdom and with all thy getting, get Understanding“.

Knowing and understanding the weaknesses of your spouse should enable you to support and encourage your spouse in order to strengthen those weaknesses he/she possesses. It might be a deficiency in knowledge or skill your spouse has that you are better informed in. You can teach your spouse in other to sharpen that weak point he/she has to become a strong point for him/her. it should be used for the benefit of the two of you as one.

Every gift, talent, knowledge, idea, skill that you possess, that you have gained while you are single should be beneficial to your spouse. You are to complement each other with your strengths and strengthen each other’s weaknesses. In addition, understanding the moods, temperament and personality of your spouse yields better communication between husbands and wives, it will enable you know when and how to present certain sensitive topics for discussion as matters arise within the family in marriage.

WILLINGNESS TO LEARN

Be open to learn! You will be getting married to a person who has a different approach to getting things done. Don’t say, “No, I can’t do it that way. That’s not how I was taught to do it” or “That’s not how I was brought up to do it”.

For the ladies, you may end up marrying a man whose culture is different from yours and so you are going to learn how to prepare different types of foods and ways to serve them. Besides, even if you are of the same tribe and culture, there will still exist differences in ways and understanding of doing things. As it is said, no knowledge is a waste. Knowing how to do a particular thing in different ways becomes an advantage to you.

Everything you’ve learnt while single will be useful to you in marriage and you keep learning and growing in knowledge after getting married. Knowledge gained can also be used to teach others and make meaningful impact in their lives.

PRAYERS

A family that Prays together stays together. Sir/Ma, Prayer is the key. Prayer does in the spiritual what man cannot achieve in the physical and brings desired results to the physical. Prayer goes a long way to influence and bring about a positive change, so while you are yet single, be prayerful!

Matt 21:22 says, “And in all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer believing, ye shall receive“. Do you want to bring about a desired outcome in the life of your husband/wife?, pray about it, take it to God in prayers. Whatever that is not going well or needs to get better than what it is, pray about it. Mark 11:24 says “Therefore I say unto you, What things so ever you desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them and ye shall have them“. Don’t just talk, nag and complain about it “Prayers do for man what he cannot achieve with his physical abilities“. Cultivate the habit of praying rather than murmuring, talking, nagging and complaining about it. The need to be prayerful cannot be overemphasized and exhausted. Prayer Changes things!

HUMILITY

Humility takes a man to the top. James 4:10 says, “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord and he shall lift you up”. As future husbands and wives that we intend to be, we must learn to humble ourselves before our spouses, humble ourselves in character, in behaviour and in words (Speech). Be humble to those older than you, 1 Peter 5:5 says, “Likewise ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder, Yea, all of you be subject one to another and be clothed with humility, for God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble“. Prov. 15:25 says, “The Lord will destroy the house of the proud but he will establish the border of the widow“.

Be humble to those whose authority we are under, be humble to our parents Ephesians 6:1-2 says, “Children obey your parents in the sight of the Lord for this is right, Honour your father and mother which is the first commandment with promise“.

Ladies, submit to your husbands and be humble to your husbands. Guys, be humble to your wives! Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God“. Above it all, be humble as a person, 1Peter 5:6 says, “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time“.

FORGIVENESS

In life, we meet different kinds of people. Some become our friends, close pals or best friends. In one way or the other, they end up offending and hurting us with their words and actions, either knowingly or unknowingly. Sometimes, we even get hurt or offended by family members and at times, these offenses come on daily basis.

I have been offended and hurt so many times that I’ve lost count and I know there are extreme cases of getting hurt and offended as bad as involving life and death, cases invloving  huge loss of money, properties etc. However, in all of these, we should still find it in our hearts to forgive. I know it is hard and difficult, yes I know and I understand it is hard to let go. I know what it feels like, the mental torture and emotional pain I’ve been there before bro, it is difficult and seems nearly impossible to forgive in some cases but still, it can be done.

Someone said to me today that it is easier for God to forgive because He is God but I said no we can forgive also, we are the express images of God and He has given us the Grace to forgive. All we need to do is ask Him for more Grace and strength to forgive and it will be done. If we understand and have it in mind that we are alive today because of God’s mercies; He forgave us our wrongs yesterday, an hour ago, a minute ago; and He forgives us no matter what we have done to offend him. Even when we reject and turn our backs on Him, He forgives us, not because we open our mouths to say, “Lord, forgive me”. The Bible says, even before we open our mouths to speak, he has heard us, so we have it in us to forgive. Also, Matt 6:14-15 says, “For if we forgive men their trespasses, our heavenly father will also forgive us, but if we don’t forgive, neither will God forgive us our trespasses”.

Many years ago, I would have taken a regretful step in life, but The Almighty and All Knowing God saw the path of destruction, I was heading towards with the evil and disastrous plan of revenge and retaliation I had in mind. He saved me and He told me to forgive from his words in Mark 11:25, “And when ye stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone that your father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses”. Years later, a friend of mine said to me, “Prepare your heart to forgive even before the hurt comes, so that way, it will be easier to forgive“.

Your husband or wife-to-be might offend you or probably hurt you with their words or actions intentionally or unintentionally, I’m saying this to you, “Prepare your mind to forgive even before the hurt comes so that way it will be easier to forgive”. The devil is breaking homes and destroying families through un-forgiveness, bitterness and anger but let these not be named among you. You deserve a Blessed and Peaceful home and a happy family so let peace flow and let forgiveness reign in your hearts.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.


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  • good counsel, it is quite true and practical.

    philip asula July 8, 2013 4:35 pm
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