By Kevin Carr
Many of you make his bed, make his plate and even clean his bathroom without any hint of exclusivity in your “situation.”
1. It’s Not You, It’s Him
For a man, sometimes commitment can be a taboo subject. I myself went through a long period of ducking, dodging and running from it. As I matured, my perception changed, and instead of avoiding it, I actually began to desire it. The truth is being in a relationship isn’t a top priority for many men these days. (Especially when we can get sex without having to be in one.) As a result, many of you reading this find yourselves in “situations” instead of relationships. You deserve to know why. It’s not you, it’s him. My goal is to help you date responsibly by equipping you with the information that you need to make great choices in the men you date and ultimately attach yourself to. Here are eight possible reasons he hasn’t called you his girlfriend.
2.He Already Has One
When you say that out loud it makes you chuckle a bit, right? But, the reality is, it could be true. He may not be committing to you because he is already committed. If you find yourself constantly not being able to get a hold of him, you spend little to no time at his home and all you seem to get is spur of the moment phone calls and visits, then somebody may have gotten there before you. Be careful.
3.He’s Just Not that Into You
It’s a little cliché, I know, but accurate nonetheless. He just might not like you enough to make you his girlfriend. (It happens a lot.) This doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you; he just doesn’t like you enough to submit to you being the only one in his life. He’ll do enough to keep you around and make you happy but not enough to leave you satisfied. There is no mystery here. Here’s a hard truth: If he wanted to be with you, he would be.
4.You Gave Him Benefits, Now He Just Wants to Be Friends
When I was single, I went through a period where I simply wanted to have sex with the women I was dating. Some of them I was honest with and some of them I wasn’t. It left many of them frustrated. This leads me to my point: I am in no position to tell you what to do with your body. However, at some point, if a healthy relationship is what you seek, you must determine what he must give you in exchange for what you give him. Whether it be time or commitment, choose wisely.
5.He’s Too Chicken
Sometimes commitment downright scares men. It’s sad, but true. Perhaps a past relationship left a scar and he’s afraid to connect with anyone on that level again. If this is the case, be patient with him but don’t compromise your standards.
6.You Made It All Too Easy for Him
If you were guaranteed to make 75k a year, drive a BMW and live in an amazing condo in the middle of the city just because you graduated high school, would you feel the need to go to college? Exactly. See where I’m going with this? Many of you make his bed, make his plate and even clean his bathroom without any hint of exclusivity in your “situation.” If you become his girlfriend before you actually are his girlfriend, he has no real incentive to make you his girlfriend. Think about it and date responsibly instead of playing wife.
7.Your Greatness Isn’t On His Level
Even the worst of us can recognize a good woman when we meet her. That can be intimidating for some brothers. There are times where the special qualities in you frightens us, so, like cowards, we run. There is absolutely nothing you can do about this but walk away — which you should. Be who you are and let the chips fall where they may.
8.He Thinks He’s A Player
It’s summer, summer summertime. When the sun comes out and the clothes come off — well, he gets distracted. You better not wait around until the winter if commitment is what you desire. If he is only interested in commitment during a certain time of year, then he’s not worthy of you any day, week, month or season. It’s convenience that he desires, so don’t give it to him or wait up for it.
9.He’s Not Ready for the Real Thing
This isn’t always a bad thing because occasionally it takes us a little more time to see the light. The good thing about us men is that when it comes to relationships, many times we are very logical and we tend to think things all the way through before deciding to commit. You should use this time for your benefit and decide if he is someone you really want to be with — especially if he seems unsure about you. When we see something we want, we’re not usually hesitant to go after it.
Read this article in Essence
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.