Blaise Aboh: Esiab’s gourd of insanity (30 days, 30 voices)

by Blaise ‘Aphascea’ Aboh

blaisse

                           “I have questions; I’m so tired of saying this without getting answers. “

I’m always looking for a voice; A sign, a direction, in every way, in everything, from the coldness of the weather, to the swiftness of the wind gusts. Everyday I keep looking, I watch the gyration of the trees, their sways to a sweet sounding lyre and sistrum, to unheard music of the great beyond. Observing the colour of the clouds as it changes, its ever continuous flow; The mountains blotting out the first light of dawn, the formation of birds in the sky on a migration mission, I’m quite fascinated.

The swinging patterns of a window ajar being as its romanced by the breeze says a lot to my mind. The rats that scuttle across the floor dancing ‘oya fijo gbowo’ with a leftover bone from the kitchen sink, the struggling of citizens to enter a yellow bus through the door while only a smart one climbs in through the rear, both things bewilder me. I see different thoughts, patterns, paths that could lead to the answers I seek; I know they are there, or aren’t they?

I watch a lizard nod breathlessly with pride after a graceful fall from a fence to the ground of sand and stones unscathed, then proceed to rush into an under bed, I’m amazed. I see a colony of ants, the soldiers, the workers alike, their hard work, their organization, their consistency , their persistence; My gaze doesn’t waiver for there’s a subliminal message in it, a link to what my heart seeks. I look on, into subconscious infinity, pondering, trying to shake this ominous feeling.

I’m lost, I’m tired of writing about it. I have questions; I’m so tired of saying this without getting answers. My questions are too many; it confuses and overwhelms my being. This minute I feel it may lead to my destruction; a haemorrhage? Sub-atomic heat combustion? An implosion? Suicide? Whom do I ask, Ifa?

The night helps not the matter, the stars ever confused as I am. One minute a constellation takes the shape of a perfect rosary-like object, the next minute it looks like a five-headed hydra and the next a well endowed, buxom naked broad of which I fancy. I know we have both gone mad; I and the constellations.

I look beyond these, I see comets, I see them no more except a diffusing track of their speed which is mind blowing. I see stars dying and plunging to the earth, I see more being born. I see the Milky Way, the planets  discovered and those yet to be; I see blackness, I look farther, I see years that have gone by, the long dead distant and forgotten past. I see more.

A vision of 200,000 armoured bodies writhing in fiery pain. Gluttonous villains floating in air as flints bearing fires of hell, thirsting for more blood, thrusting, booking one-way tickets for their victims departing to Satan’s icy grasp. I hear wailings, cries striking me as lightning bolts, yet my vision persists. I see more.

The pre-existent nations and ages, I see people, celebrated artifacts of the Renaissance – sculptures, paintings, buildings halfway to heaven, culture, music, religion, gods, alchemy, wisdom, folly, greatness. I also see what they thought would be their future, their prediction, miscalculation, mistakes, their end and ultimate extinction. I marvel and pity same time.

These perceptions keep me eager, brings me hope, that I would find what I seek in not a time too long, but how do I live and survive till this distant time, with a threat to my life, this gourd of insanity climbing in my head? Beseeching.

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Blaise ‘Aphascea’ Aboh is a Business/Startup Enthusiast, Creative Director and User Interphase Architect. His interests include Art, Poetry and Research Based Writing. Blaise is also the founder of TheBusinessAim.com [Nigeria’s Best Business/Entreprenural Blog 2013]. He tweets from @AimLEGEND_

30 Days, 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

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