Yes

We have all watched and waited and secretly hoped for this moment to come.

Nigeria’s biggest reality show came to an end on Valentine’s day 2012 after much wait as Nigerian sat and watched as the lives of some selected few were put to play for our pleasure viewing.

Right from his young age, Tuface had traded his life and privacy for fortune and fame and that was when his solo reality show  Career kicked off. he realised he could sing and took a jump at it. Along the line he met a young man as well who could sing and together they formed a group called Plantashun Boiz. they made waves across and toured round the country delighting us all with their eccentric vocals..

they were two, later became three when a new member joined the group and together they became a very strong band that didn’t go by unnoticed in the industry, sharing so many things in common including the word ‘face’.

Run by a couple of years, and the bond started to break. one went solo, the other two then followed and before we could say their names collectively, they had split for good. and we were back to seeing and hearing from only Tuface once again. his Solo career was officially launched with his hit single African queen’ in which he featured his newly acquired girlfriend Annie Macaulay. prior to this, he constantly made the news with stories of his promiscuity and his ambition to be the father of all nations. Literally. and so far, that ambition is taking its course.

but then, that was also when little miss Annie was brought into the picture to join her fellow house-mates and we all welcomed her gladly, adding more cheese to our popcorns to continue watching, appreciating the new twist to the show.

And as expected this created a lot of drama. beautiful drama you would say, if you include the incessant fight in clubs and public places over the bloke. and then the inevitable happened. Annie Macaulay took in………………………. Annie Macaulay became pregnant for Tuface’s ‘number-what-at-that-time’ Child. spectators as we were and in thirst for more, we expected she would terminate the pregnancy haven taken in out of wed lock and in a relationship where her unborn child should she decide to have it, already had stepsisters/brothers waiting for him/her. but no, she even went as far to fight for it during an incident where she almost lost her life in a car accident.

and it went on, she had her, named her Isabella and the pretty daughter was welcomed as well into the show.

fast forward 13 years, more kids to Tuface’s elbow and more drama later, Tuface decided it was time to bring the show to and end and make his pick of the woman who would eventually inherit his fortune and be made sole and legal queen and of course winner of the reality show.

February 14 was the set date. Club 10 was the set destination for where the news will be announced and on one knee, in the midst of friends, he proposed to Annie Macaulay, his long time thick rubbered-odieshi-no nonsense taker-I’ve got him locked down- girlfriend of thirteen years and the mother of his daughter. Dear Lord, who can wait this long? she deservers an award not just a wedding ring.

though ended, the show is just beginning as we transit into another level of the show. stay very tuned as drama takes a new twist in the all new reality show, ‘Tuface’s New (extended) family…and other women’

P. S

Two questions are playing on my mind as regards this happening Though;.

1. What becomes of his other women? and 2. Why were twitter wannabe celebs hitting their heads on the wall over the news?

Apparently, twitter went viral after the news of the engagement broke and most were in total angst with the artiste’s decision. i couldn’t make out what exactly the furry was for or of, but scathingly most didn’t think Annie should have been picked. As to why they thought so still remains a mystery, though most thought Pero, the mother with the highest number of kids for him should have been picked instead, it just goes on to say people will make other people’s quanta their headache!

lemme know what you think.

By @deogratis45

Since their debut in 2002, the BOKOs, Nigeria’s hottest terrorists’ band has been churning out hits after hits. Last year, they released three singles which are, ‘Goodbye UN Building Abuja’, ‘Bomb da Policeman’, and ‘Pray and Die’ which they performed simultaneously in Yobe and Bauchi states. The Bokos also released another hit in December titled, ‘He Was Born to Die’. The song caused ripples in still waters as observers called for a halt to their kind of music. The people that seem to enjoy this band are the northern leaders who seem to keep mute about their operations

There are speculations that the Bokos are in collaboration with the Al-Qs, an internationally recognised terrorist band who seem to be losing it on the terrorism milieu. the Al-Qs have suffered low patronage since the failure of their second ‘hit’ track; ‘America one more time‘ which was supposed to be a sequel to their ‘Falling world trade centre‘ single. Industry analysts have pointed out two reasons why the Al-Qs have failed so far.

First, they hired an inexperienced Nigerian marketer and second, their Founder/Executive Producer Osama ‘The B’ Laden was killed last year by the CEO of Wipe Terrorism Records, Barack Obama O

Because of these reasons, the Bokos have topped the BillBoard terrorist Charts, outpacing the Al-Qs and the Talis. They’ve also received the Yemeni Awards (Yemmys) for the ‘Best New Act’ Category.

But on November last year, something remarkable happened to their studio- it exploded killing the artists at once.

Truly, the boko haram sect are the most confused group i have ever seen. some say they are factions within the organisation which explains their diverse aims. well so far we are of three; one faction is focused on wiping away western education and this is where i shall lay emphasis.

Boko Haram means ‘Western Education is Sin’ in Hausa dialect. We are yet to know why they think that way but if they stand true to their word, then they are the dumbest group of individuaals in the solar system.

We owe western education a lot because through it we can understand the basics of comfortable living. Take for instance clothing and shelter, if the Boko Haram sect think that western education which has so far introduced comfortable shelter and dressing, is a sin then they should appear as cavemen in animal skin and clubs (instead of bombs) and urge, i mean force, Nigerians to do same. For Shelter, well, mud houses are ideal for them as that’s one feature that is rampant in northern Nigeria.

if they think western education is sin, why then bomb the UN building in Abuja and the Force headquarters? or kill the residents in Kano, Yenegoa and Kogi? these institutions and people (especially the innocent lives that were lost) have nothing to do with education.

Killing Muslim faithfuls and Christians alike is no way to promote their insane crusade. Since the Nigerian police and the army have found it difficult to put a dent to their operations or better still put a stop to it, maybe we can recruit the bad guys from the creeks, yes those faceless dudes on speed boats with weapons the army, police and JFK have never seen in their lives.

Keywords:

The BOKOS- Boko Haram

Al-Qs- Al- Quedas

“Happy New Year!!!”

That was what we all stayed up waiting to shout, in our various ways and venues, be it In church or party, with a kiss or a hug, for one moment, wanting to forget our troubles and fears much less that of our country Nigeria and impending terrorist, Boko Haram issues, only to be all bombed by one who heads us.

Nigeria was ushered into the New Year with news of the removal of fuel subsidy. Talk about the perfect New Year gift, indeed too. Maybe not a perfect timing; this is one gift you’d have wanted in the middle of the year. It can wait, and so can we.

Funny how the decision of fuel subsidy removal seems to take a seasonal twist though; we were first alerted of the impending decision early December saying it would be taken off on April first. Quite an irony but it worked out pretty well and not as a joke for Nigerians as they worked towards the set time; I for one saw my family preparing for ‘rainy days’. Everything that had been perceived would be on the increase by then were being purchased.  Only to be announced of its removal on TV January first.

Christmas, New Year, Easter/April’s fools day. Hmmm…

Anyway, I’m not going to seize the opportunity to satisfy people by saying whether I’m for or against the Fuel subsidy removal. I’ve always been liberal in cases like election and politics and it applies to this too. all I do is throw my opinion out to pass by with the wind. I would however say that this would have a great positive effect in the future and would come to be of benefit to us should we exercise patience and should the government be true to their words and use it wisely. What I would however protest against is the sudden abruptness of the news and how it was dumped on our laps like an unwanted baby with no means to look after it. Such decisions aren’t made in haste. I mean what’s the rush? The April timing was perfect. The government would have seized the opportunity enlighten its masses about the topic because some people are protesting ignorantly. They don’t even know what fuel subsidy is much less why it’s been removed.

The whole world knows that Nigeria removed it subsidy, but little do people know that Ghana (and several neighbouring countries) did as well until Dieziani Allison-Maduekwe announced it on TV. Why? Because the government took its time to make its masses comfortable so that the increment in prices won’t affect the average or the poor Ghanaian

No one is saying they should not remove the subsidy but the provision of basic amenities should have been put in place before taking such actions. Everyone’s blaming Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala for bringing up the idea, I don’t. She was only doing her job as she was assigned to. I blame the people whose jobs are to advice President Goodluck Jonathan on the implementation of such amenities.  Isn’t that why they are there?

Peradventure Nigeria had constant electricity, or an effective transportation system or what-have-yous, or the government had been advised on this and the masses had been lectured on what fuel subsidy is, its effect, its negative impacts and reactions before they decided to take it off, Nigeria would have lesser problems on their plates.

The aim, in minor terms, was to at least enable the impoverished in the society a better living. I met up coincidentally with some supposed ‘impoverished’ and they had a difference of opinion. The first was a bike I boarded and asked for the charge and he said double the price and I hesitated a bit before boarding. He noticed and by default, began to explain that it was because of the removal of subsidy. It so turned out he was against the whole arrangement and would rather the government take back their decision but what was weird was that it wasn’t in his interest or that of the impoverished but of his belief that the world is fast coming to an end, though he didn’t fail to mention the reason for the confirmation of his belief because President Goodluck Jonathan doesn’t know what he’s doing. another, however was my stylist who was backing the government full force and believed the people out there protesting, in his words, were just “ignorant, naive and greedy people” . only again to be greeted by my plumber later that evening with his newly bought Honda car. who are the average poor ones again?

anyway, how does this affect my new year resolutions? i was at my parent’s for Christmas and made sure I ate well last, peradventure the subsidy eventually gets removed mid-year and as prospective spinsters (my room mate and I), we start subsidizing things e.g food and the likes. my thoughts. but then i overdid it and it led me to construct a resolution to visit the gym while it was still ‘cheap’.

Yeah, my thoughts too. apparently, there’s no more gym on that list. push-ups in your bedroom never did cost a fortune , did it? Such beauty, its realisation.

Happy Subsidizing People

P.s tell me your subsidy stories!

My Mom always said, never watch a movie literally. Even though I know she was throwing a SUB at me being that I love watching movies, she addressed the children. But as time went by, I began to realise what she meant and saw that there was indeed more to a movie that concerned life itself than what we naively watched.

The movie In Time showcases a set of people who woke up one morning to find their life counting down to the end of the clock. Depending on how much time they had, they would all die one day, when the time ran out, not necessarily at an old age, abruptly.

Ok I’m speaking in fairy tales, let’s fast forward to reality. It’s December, the world aids month (yes it’s not over yet even though we have just today left). Now a lot of people have given Christmas sex and will give New year’s as well to that special someone they love or lust after or Set P with or….the list goes on, on the reason why most people shag but you get the point. Lest we forget, which we have, the Hiv/Aids disease is still out there.

For facts sake, over a million people possess the virus and the epidemic is still wide spread. Most people that walk on the street, our friends close by, sometimes, our shag mates, are all walking with a timer on their hands, counting down, and they in turn waiting to drop dead. They are healthy so we can’t tell from appearance at most times, the popular saying, ‘e no dey show for face’, they don’t have placards on their faces either saying, ‘Hi, I’m Hiv Positive’ or ‘hi I’ve got Aids’

For fear’s sake, most people don’t even know they have the virus. They ignorantly have sex without protection, considering less the possibility of acquiring the disease. Hello! It doesn’t give a notification like your blackberry does when you have a new message. And so they acquire it and go about sharing their new gift.

For reality’s sake, let’s cut the crap and stop playing naïve and feigning ignorance, endangering our lives and that of others, unbeknown. Go get tested today, before you enter the New Year, or let it be your New Year resolution to. Because whether we want to accept it or not, most of us, especially the ones who like to boast about sexual intercourse, are walking corpses, with a timer on their hands waiting for the moment when it will run out and life will be sucked out of them.

Good thing is you can add more time to that timer of yours, like they did in the movie by their handwork, but, by figuring out your status and getting treatment for it as soon as you can and start living on your meds. The moment you do, your time starts to tick, and you increase your chances of having more time, thereby staying longer.

More or Less, Regardless, everyone’s running by a clock. Some people are lucky to grow old and die at a ripe age; some are unfortunate, especially the youth who have accounted more deaths this year than an aged person. Having that in mind, and knowing we don’t own our lives and we aren’t promised tomorrow, we need to help ourselves by being In Time with reality.

Before our time runs out on us and all we’d need is a second to reach our loved ones like Justin Timberlake wished he could have had with his mother in the movie.

Know your HIV status today.

P.S Whoever can read that time up there gets a date with me, all expense paid.

Happy New Year in Advance.

I’m sure no one has probably ever being asked that. You sorta demand for it rather. Of course everyone wants to play the part of Oliver twist, as long as you can ask for more. When most of us were little, we always asked for ‘jara’ from the lady who served at the school cafeteria or the food vendor we bought from for those much older. It was a spontaneous action. Almost deservingly thought, led by the bold audacity that came after. Some times we are fortunate to be given, and at most, not so Christmas-y.

But this Jara has more or less to do with the actual meaning of the word.  Recently, MNet produced its first-ever original series – JARA with the aim of going behind the scenes in Nollywood, getting the inside scoop on what’s going on in Nigeria’s vibrant film industry and catching up with Nollywood stars as they chat about their stellar careers, joining M-Net’s other numerous original productions like Tinsel, Studio 53 and Comedy Club, which have been shown on the AfricaMagic channel.

JARA is hosted by two of Nigeria’s hottest star popular and sociable Big Brother All Stars winner Uti Nwachukwu and sensational entertainment personality Helen Paul. So far the lot have been consistent and efficient with the show. They have featured various personalities In the industry as well as rate top hottest men. I particularly do not see any need for this segment specially because its handled by Uti (14 years lurking about him) but its brought life to the show as the girls (like my mom) look forward to this part.

Along the line, Helen Paul took in and had to be replaced as she headed for a maternity leave. I tried to restrain from saying that the new substitute couldn’t keep her eyes off Uti. (Who would?) She as much as ogled at him during a show she practically forgot her next line. Pathetic!

A show must have its flaws no matter how tiny but in all, Jara depicts the true Nigerian Culture, from the gorgeous and crazy attires to background setting. The throw pillow signature is creative as well. But may we ask for ‘Jara’? I know I want more than what is given.

Yes it did but of course not literally or in the movie.  When I first saw the preview of the movie, Columbiana, I was a tad skeptical about how that would turn out starting with the fact that Zoe Saldana (Cataleya) wasn’t exactly my favourite actress, second the story line didn’t leave much for the mind to wonder and so I resorted to watching it on my Phone instead, though curious to know if my scepticism would be proved right. Unfortunately for me but fortunately for the movie, they were proved wrong.

In the action film Colombiana, Zoe Saldana plays Cataleya, a young woman who has grown up to be an assassin after witnessing the murder of her parents as a child. The killing began in Bogota, when Cataleya (Saldana) is just a 10-year-old schoolgirl doing homework at the kitchen table, when thugs sent by the local drug lord gun down her parents in front of her. I was particularly intrigued by the scene where she had to race, rolls and bounds over, around and through tightly stacked hillside houses and serpentine alleyways to escape the killers after having stabbed the leader of the mob in the palm, all the while, Her passport to safety — Chicago and her uncle — a microchip she swallowed. The young cateleya moved so swiftly you’d think she’s been in the game in her actual life.

Turning herself into a professional killer and working for her uncle, she remained focused on her ultimate goal: to hunt down and get revenge on the mobster responsible for her parents’ deaths and which she did eventually even though she was betrayed by love.

Whether it’s a nod to the director’s artistic leanings, the image of the orchid she’s named for — (cattleya, for the horticulturist purists out there) — becomes her signature, inked onto the bodies of her victims. It helps knit the plot together, with the pattern attracting the attention of a persistent FBI agent played by Lennie James, the Colombian drug lord Don Luis (Beto Benites), his No. 2 Marco (Jordi Mollà) and the sleazy CIA agent (Callum Blue) who helped relocate Don Luis and his cronies under some kind of off-the-books witness protection scam to New Orleans.

Every scene brings about an adrenaline rush that would warrant you to be in a cinema room, eating popcorn while your eyes are glued to the screen.  My curiosity though led me to watch it, not even on my laptop, but on my phone and now I’m regretting all those goose-pimple moments I had just watching it on a little screen when I could have been watching it on a bigger one. Curiosity killed Columbiana for me. And I can only hope it doesn’t for you.

Advice: it’s not a laptop movie.

Not a football fan. Always said I’m a Manchester United fan by choice. My ex was a Man U fan so it was in order for me to be one as well, you know, supportive girlfriend. Anyway, I hadn’t made plans to attend the Copa lagos. I was welcomed with a Vip ticket by a friend who had just returned from the states (any one you think it should be) and voila! I found myself there the next day. I wasn’t particularly interested with what was going on either, I only accompanied her there as a favor plus I needed to get out clearing my head and it seemed like a perfect opportunity. We arrived when the first match was over and the South African- Nigerian match was about to start. We climbed up to our stand and the view from up there was brilliant. The organizers had put too much time and investment into this and it was clearly worth it. Everything was well built to perfection and the cheerleaders weren’t half bad (except for the Nigerian cheer-leading team that could be likened to the atilogu dancers from beyond). Turnout was great as well and the sales weren’t far off from course.

The tickets had been sold out I heard so many people couldn’t get in on the day. The match kicked off almost immediately, the commentator making a tantrum (who was he?) and Nigeria did us proud by winning the game with ease as well. This got me thinking- it is easier for us to play soccer on sand- (not so solid ground)- but difficult on the field- (solid ground). I stopped watching Nigerian matches after Messi trashed us during the Under-17 that brought about his fame and recognition (….and wealth today)- but this match brought some kind of hope and interest that had been lost a long time ago.

And a suggestive idea.

If we are so horrible at football, why don’t we invest more in beach soccer? I mean if we have chosen to excel in such an infamous sport, we might as well be known for something else that’s good and has ‘soccer’ attached to it so we are still on track…and save us the trauma of having to face the failure of our national football team… plus this one has more cute guys unlike football… very good investment indeed.

P.S i met a dude at the event called Emeka and i sorta went MIA later. if you read this, holla. we can like to set the P. #okbye

i know its a week old but anyway the day everyone had been waiting for did arrive with the hope that it’s worth the 3 month prolonged hype. Apparently though, a few other events had been fixed for the same day and if you had to attend all, you had to be on a particularly mapped out schedule. And so my friends and I found ourselves with a whole day lined up with events and the plan was to stop by at every one of them even if it was just to make an appearance- we were here- tickets didn’t waste- kinda thing. But for the love Hype of ‘Not Just Ok’ concert, we had second thoughts and decided to head there instead.

Bad decision.

We got to the venue quite alright at about 8pm, hoping we weren’t late. A crowd had started to build up and we only imagined it would be the same case on the inside.

Wrong again.

We said hi to friends at the VIP entrance where we would enter through, chit-chatted for a little while, all the time, an intentional fashionable appearance on our minds. At about 9pm we were ready to roll and so we made our way in, the loud music resonating, a good sign that all was going well until we got in.

Don’t get me wrong, it had guests quite alright, we were guests, don jazzy was there (even though he looked like he was bored out of his mind) and a couple of artistes, if not all, came around to support the crew that has been there for them all these years and not to forget, the under aged kids in their numbers but where were the real guests? The ones to cheer and tell of the stories (good or bad however the case may be) later? The ardent fans, the reason you have that establishment up in the first place- where were they? The place, aside the invited guests, was practically empty- or should I say the guest section. Empty! What was left of the crowd had to proceed to the stage area to #OccupyIt. It was a sad sight indeed.

Apparently, all of Lagos (if I’m not exaggerating) had come out to play that night, but if they weren’t at the Not Just Ok Concert, where were they? Answer is easy. Everywhere else. Most of it, at Slu…ssh! A house party organized by social guru, Noble Igwe.

That’s what happens when you have almost 10 events in one night. It’s no longer an event, it becomes an argument of whose is better or is stronger. A battle of wit. Even if all of the organizers are friends as well. And would shake hands the next day.

Lets be reasonable though, did all of them have to fix that day for their event? I mean let’s face it, we all knew they were coming up. And before we the masses get to know, they insiders- the organizers- know. Couldn’t they have picked a separate day for themselves? Now the gist is that the day should have been set out for NJO concert alone because it’s their first and they flew all the way for it only to meet disappointment. But this is surely a lesson learnt- that social media hype isn’t the same as reality. Don’t expect same reactions from both especially when you’re not in town to know what its like. You see those twitter people, they will deceive you- all I takes is to type it. They love you. Doesn’t add or remove value from their lives but you’ve become a social media superstar, forgetting there’s reality.

And so the crowd converged at Slu..shh which turned out to be a huge success, unfortunately for the lot who dissed it before the D-day. Not even Akon’s appearance at the Cintron launch or the cute Osaze kept the crowd away. At the end, everyone came through.

Will Not Just ok survive this bitter taste to their first meal? Maybe, maybe not. But one thing’s for sure, they would probably never overrate themselves and underrate their loyal fans- Major lesson!