Can you stick to one partner faithfully and be in love with no one else?

by Adedayo Ademuwagun

Lauren is dating two men named Tuck and FTR in the movie This Means War, but she doesn’t know they’re best friends and CIA agents.

As her romance with both men grows, she gets confused and meets her married friend Trish, played by Chelsea Handler, for some counselling.

“Do you think it’s possible to love two people equally?” she asks.

Trish answers, “Love, yes. Be *in love*, no.”

This Means War: Tuck meets FTR
This Means War: Tuck meets FTR

Sometimes it happens like that. A person would be very much in love with someone and then along the line they’d meet someone else and fall in love with that person. Then they’d wonder if it’s possible to be in love with two people simultaneously.

Most people think that this sort of thing is not really possible or genuine.

Nike says, “Personally, I believe it’s not possible. I don’t believe in loving two people at a time. There’s no way you’ll love two people the same way. You will always love one more than the other and that wouldn’t be fair to the person getting less love.”

Kolade also thinks so. He says, “You cannot truly love two people at once. And even if you think you do and want to justify that, there is no way to justify loving them at the same level.”

“I just don’t see how possible it is to be in love with two persons at a time,” says Bimpe . “I feel it’s the second person that person truly loves, because if that person truly loves the first, he won’t fall in love with the other.”

But what about people who are in multiple relationships and say that they truly love those people?

“Well it’s so easy to say you love someone,” says Bimpe. “Even if they don’t really mean it, they can say it just because of what they are after.”

Segun says, “If I’m dating a lady right now and I love her. Then I meet someone else who has some very good qualities that I like, I might fall in love with her in time, but it doesn’t mean I do not love the first lady anymore or that I didn’t love her in the first place. It just doesn’t make sense to say that.”

In This Means War, Lauren first meets Tuck on a dating site and falls in love with him, then she meets FTR at a video store and falls in love with him too. Eventually, she chooses FTR over Tuck.

“It may sound absurd,” says Bimpe, “but sometimes you might be in a relationship with someone and feel strongly that you love them. But after some things happen, you realise that you really didn’t love the person in the first place. It’s probably the second person you truly love.”

Being in love with two people may seem impractical. But what about sticking to one partner? Do people often to stick to one partner faithfully as a single or a married person?

Linda doesn’t think so concerning men. She says, “Promiscuity is to men what a uniform is to schoolchildren. Every one of them has that quality. It’s like a uniform for them.”

Like Linda, a lot of women believe that men are irremediably promiscuous.

"Promiscuity is to men what a uniform is to schoolchildren. Every one of them has that quality. It's like a uniform for them."
“Promiscuity is to men what a uniform is to schoolchildren. Every one of them has that quality. It’s like a uniform for them.”

Nkem says, “In life, men naturally aren’t content with one woman, and I’ve accepted that. That’s why I’m not bothered at all when my husband makes his secret moves. Sometimes I catch him, but as long as he doesn’t bring his girlfriends home and he takes proper care of his family, we’ll manage.”

Interestingly, even women who believe that nearly all men keep multiple relationships also agree that most women do the same.

“As a single lady,” says Jibola,”You cannot put all your eggs in one basket. You need to be assured that if one man disappoints, then you have ready replacement.

“Ladies don’t want to be left heartbroken at the eleventh hour. That’s why they keep many options. You know, men are unreliable. A friend of mine got engaged to this man and they were going to marry. Then at a time the man came up with some ridiculous explanation and called off the engagement.”

Nike believes that being faithful to one partner depends on how much you really love the person.

“Definitely it’s practicable. I practise it and I have friends who’ve been able to stick to one partner at a time. How it works is that you just love your partner so much you can’t cheat on them.”

“When you truly love someone without doubts, you find it hard to get attracted to someone else, let alone cheat.”

In the movie Confessions of a Marriage Counsellor, Judith is married to Bryce and dreams of being a big-time marriage counsellor. But she and Bryce are a young low-income couple, and although Bryce is a nice husband, he’s pretty unambitious.

Judith soon meets a wealthy young man at the office who, in the movie, is the third largest social media inventor since Mark Zuckerberg. They get close along the line, and he challenges her mentally and offers to finance her ideas. Then her relationship with Bryce becomes complicated. Eventually they split.

being faithful to one partner depends on how much you really love the person
Being faithful to one partner depends on how much you really love the person

In one scene, Judith tells Bryce, “You’re a good guy, but I don’t just want a good guy. I want a phenomenal guy — and you’re not phenomenal.”

Kolade says about this type of thing, “People can stay with one spouse or partner if they’re content with what they have got. But contentment is not easy. Humans are insatiable and always want to have something better. So when you meet a person that is better than your partner in ways that matter to you, naturally you get attracted. This is true for men and women too.

“One has to be spiritually conscious to keep to one partner, because, humanly speaking, it’s almost impossible. Rather it requires something extraordinary.

“It’s going to take great determination and fear of God to stay faithful to one partner. But you’ll have to be lucky to have or find that kind of partner today. To be honest, it’s quite a rare thing.”

Comments (11)

  1. confusion in love.

  2. Does lov exist sef. its all illusion

  3. hmmmm. very hard to decide. i once had the experience. no be beans

  4. Seen the film. very interesting. ladies would learn from it.

  5. Only an ashewo lady will have dat kind of love life.

  6. Hmmmmm. it personally think its possible.

  7. with fear of God nd discipline it,s possibile to stay honourabily with a single partiner .

  8. I intend to be faithful to one man
    I intend to marry a faithful man
    The Lord is able to provide a faithful man.

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