Chioma Chuka: Why do women ‘beef’ other women? (30 Days, 30 Voices)

Chioma Chuka

If there’s something you find you’re beefing another lady for, 80% of the time it’s because you don’t have it. So get it and move on, or realize you can’t get it, and move on!

Recently I walked into a lounge with my cousin and his fiancée with a couple of friends and their partners too. Shout out to those who have already made the mental note about me being unattached, errr, that’s not what this is about!

A friend had just graduated and we wanted to make it a special evening for him. We were all dressed to the nines: new outfits and hair styles, I was on point! You know that moment when you look in the mirror and tell yourself: ‘choi! I’m fine sha!’ That’s how I felt, that I had trumped every potential hot babe in that lounge (because we ladies dress up for ourselves, not the guys).

We got to the lounge late, with the confidence of chubby penguins. The tables we had reserved had been taken over by some ladies who at the moment were giving us the dressing down of our lives with their eyes. My God! One of them looked at me with so much venom; if looks could kill her eyes would have wiped out my family using me as a point of contact!

Wish I could tell you about the champagne popping ‘competition/incident’ that followed; it was as hilarious as it was silly. Did I mention the ‘pepper eye’ was only for us chics? By the end of the night these ladies were grinding on the men but still rolling their eyes at us. I came away from that evening thinking, ‘ki lo de? Why do women hate/dislike/beef other women’? Why do we feel the next woman has to be the enemy even before we get to know them?

Before you absolve yourself of guilt, have you ever been among your peers (guys or girls) and the first (and probably only) comment you can offer after sizing up another female, has to be nasty? Every other lady has to be an example of what not to wear, sometimes even how not to be created? Are you in the ‘I get along more with guys’ club? Or the ‘if-she’s-rich-she-has-to-be-doing-something-wrong’ school of thought? Of course if it’s a guy he’s hard working, but a lady? Noooooooo.

Does every female look like a potential hawk waiting to snatch your innocent ‘she-made-me-do-it’ (in)significant other? Do you think the only reason the other lady is in your office is to take your job and so before the ink on her employment letter dries you make it your life’s goal to frustrate her out of the place?

It’s funny, but very sad too; when did we stop looking out for each other? I stumbled on some research in The Economist where researchers tried to find amongst other things, which would hurt a prospective female employee more, a CV with a photo or not. Conclusion? “Old fashioned jealousy led women to discriminate against pretty (female) candidates”. Seriously?

Straight talk ladies, quit it! And I have a few ways to help.

  1. If there’s something you find you’re beefing another lady for, 80% of the time it’s because you don’t have it. So get it and move on, or realize you can’t get it, and move on!
  2. Know this: you appear petty, unappealing, and insecure when you go on this hate route around guys. They might laugh at your nastiness but trust me, you’re less a lady in their sight.
  3. Deal with yourself: sometimes all the hate is a manifestation of deeper issues; get help before it gets out of hand.

Have I said all women are perfect, that I haven’t been hurt (severally) by my lady friends? No. But hating on a total stranger? Beneath me. The golden rule doesn’t isolate gender. We shouldn’t.


About the author: Chioma is a social media junkie who loves a good laugh. And her family. And food.

Editor’s note: Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

Comments (3)

  1. Ɣε̲̣̣̣̥§ we need more articles on the positive aspects of sisterhood but this article is damn on point! I see this attitude everywhere displayed by women rich,poor,literate or not young α̲̅πϑ old alike. Total bitchiness to a total stranger even at work or leisure. I experience it at work α̲̅πϑ social gatherings α̲̅πϑ it baffles me. even when I go out of M̶̲̅♈̷̴̩ way to try α̲̅πϑ bond wit them I am seen as the enemy.

  2. Well said Ima, my first reaction was NOT another article beseiging ALL females as shallow, conceited and jealous of each other!

    Yes there are some females described in this article and previous ones but as far as I know they are the minority! And maybe if there were more articles focusing on the positive aspects of sisterhood it would serve to empower others to want to emulate that!

  3. Sorry but what is the aim of the series of sexist articles lately? Humans are prone to have dislike for one another and this has nothing to do with being male or female.

    Most times dislike (especially at first sight) is borne out of ENVY and we all know that both males and females can be envious – which is a function of 'competition between equals'.

    What will you then say about the drive-by shootings and assassination rates which are much more high amongst and between the male populace??

    I suggest we establish out ideas and notions on FACTS and not just how we feel about issues.

    All the best

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