by Demola Rewaju

To be fair, there are guys who get close to ladies without the intention of dating (or bedding) them. Such guys are rare but they do exist. The problem is – there’s a problem somewhere: a man who’s comfortable enough to be your best friend inadvertently suppresses the urge to be close to another man who wants to date you.

I can’t remember who it was I was dating when she told me the Tolu person she had been mentioning was actually a guy.

‘Your closest friend is a guy?’ I exclaimed as I thought about how close she said they were before I asked if he had a girlfriend and found out he didn’t. I knew there was trouble when I met the dude and he knew more about her than I did, felt more at home in her house than I did and then she had the guts to tell me to act more like him in her house instead of asking her to please bring me this or that and asking for permission to go the bathroom like a visitor.

We men do not like it when your closest friend is another man especially if he is single, was once your toaster and is not gay. If he is gay, we straight men don’t want him close to us and even if he isn’t, it’s up to him to get close to us not we socking up to him. Don’t ask your man to try and be closer to your male BFF – that ticks off our ego and like I said in this article over two years ago on my blog, you’ve got to know how to stroke our ego.

There’s one major way a guy ends up being your best friend forever and that’s if he gets lost on the way to becoming your boyfriend. In that case, he’ll most likely keep trying and one day you just might give in. It’s a different thing if both of you became close because you work together and the other ladies in the office don’t like you but it’s another different thing if he walked up to you somewhere, told you he was attracted to you and asked to know you more then became your best friend.

There’s a tactic we guys use when we sense that you’re not inclined to dating us and that route leads through friendzone. From here we come across as harmless, learning your secrets, observing your likes and dislikes, learning your turn-ons and then pressing the buttons at the right moment. One moment of vulnerability on your part is all it takes and he’ll have you right where he wants you.

To be fair, there are guys who get close to ladies without the intention of dating (or bedding) them. Such guys are rare but they do exist. The problem is – there’s a problem somewhere: a man who’s comfortable enough to be your best friend inadvertently suppresses the urge to be close to another man who wants to date you. It can even make you date the wrong person and I’ll explain:

Let’s say Nonye is your BFF and you feel so comfortable with him but you’re dating Azeez. Nonye is a good guy – he does things for you, checks up on you and will pick you up from the mainland and drop you off on the Island then he’ll come back and pick you later without complaining. The niceness of Nonye is indirectly related to Azeez’s nonchalance. Since you have Nonye, you won’t look out for better qualities in Azeez and so the good male friend you have encourages you to have not so good lovers but you won’t notice because the balance plays nicely in your emotional self: you want a wild time? Call Azeez. You need someone to pour out yourself to? Call Nonye.

It’s okay to have male friends and I even encourage it in one of my past SisterSister articles but making a man your BFF is something you should have outgrown. We understand how petty some ladies can be but if past a certain age (around 26) you can’t find a female close friend and you feel more comfortable with guys than girls, we’ll wonder if there’s nothing more between you and your male friend. If you are in such a case though, reassure your man that he is indeed your soulmate and not in competition with anybody else. Encourage your male friend to get closer to your man and not act like he has more right to you than your lover.

If you’re not sure who you’ll side if there’s an argument between your lover and your male BFF, you’re better off dating your BFF.

———————————

Demola Rewaju blogs from Demolarewajudaily.com

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.