Demola Rewaju: Every man loves a Ms. Independent

by Demola Rewaju

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Unfortunately, there’s always a catch: independent women scare men sometimes and although I’m a huge fan of finding a man who isn’t intimidated by your success, there are other sides of you that you should show to demonstrate that you are independent but willing to walk with, work with and support your man without lording it over him.

No other day during the year may perhaps be more appropriate than today to share this topic with you – Independence Day. The number of men willing to stay single for a longer period is growing each day and I should know – I am one of them. I have explained on this blog at different times how the changing economic situation of the country has affected both the institution of marriage and the desire to get into it. unlike in the days of our fathers’ coming of age – early 70s till the early 80s, things are not readily provided these days neither is the way as smooth anymore. I remember speaking with my godmother several years ago and we were looking at the benefits of a stay-at-home-wife which she was, although I’d never really seen it at that point. Her husband was quite wealthy – wealthy enough that it was quite visible on her. That was the paradigm of the past.

The new paradigm of our time requires ladies who can hold their own when it comes to financing the home. Men are not willing to get married because of the financial implication of it. In some cases, men are willing to have children outside wedlock for the sake of having children while they go on freely enough to do whatever they need to do. While we take exception to this breakdown of the family unit, we cannot but admit that the present situation requires some changes.

Neyo sang about it several years ago and there is just something about the way an independent woman talks and walks that announces to the world that this is a woman who has her own things and does not wait for nor depend on a man to get them. An independent lady is an attraction for men who are looking to be with her forever. Men can decide emotionally or logically but always justify logically. They can decide to be with a woman because they love her but when it comes to the reality of it, he’s going to at some level rethink his decision and one of the factors that will count is the earning power of his woman. If your man denies this, don’t believe him. I am a man and in this age, a financially independent woman is more attractive than one who is not.

Admittedly, some men are just looking to run away from their responsibility – marry a woman who is rich or financially productive and live off her for the rest of his life and you can easily identify such men. A man who is forever talking about schemes or plans that will bring him millions while he refuses to do the things that will bring the thousands that can sustain him in the interim before the millions come is just a joker. A man who is quick to look at his woman to pay the bills “shebi you know I don’t have money” or to collect from her is not looking to go through life with an independent woman but to go through life depending on an independent woman. Most importantly but rarely noticed is the man’s attitude to money which is the biggest pointer to his mentality. When a man who doesn’t usually have money comes into some form of money, his first duty should be to assume some gesture of favour towards his woman – buying her a gift (no matter how inexpensive, please say ‘thank you’), taking her out or just recharging her phone (no matter how little) are ways he can show this and reveal himself as a man who wants to be a man but is hindered by societal forces. In a nutshell, a man who is hardworking, generous and willing to do whatever it takes to put food on the table is worth keeping.

Unfortunately, there’s always a catch: independent women scare men sometimes and although I’m a huge fan of finding a man who isn’t intimidated by your success, there are other sides of you that you should show to demonstrate that you are independent but willing to walk with, work with and support your man without lording it over him. Some men are scared of this reality and some would rather be with a woman who looks up to them for everything than risk a supportive woman who makes them feel less than a man.

Balance is the aim here. Be independent but don’t try to intimidate. Take the initiative sometimes but let him be a man [LIKE I SAID IN THIS ARTICLE]. Show you can handle yourself but let him handle himself. Be supportive without making him feel supported. Be independent but strive for interdependence.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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