by Demola Rewaju

I once said that I would move on from my fascination with Chimamanda’s new novel – AMERICANAH but it seems the lessons in the book just keep popping up at some strange turns. One of the turning points of the book was when the heroine’s (Ifemelu’s) father got sacked from his job with the federal civil sevice after twelve years of service because he refused to call his new boss ‘mummy’. In a scene sometime after, Ifemelu’s Aunty Uju tells her with worldly wisdom:

You know we live in an a**licking economy. The biggest problem in this country is not corruption. The problem is that there are many qualified people who are not where they are supposed to be because they won’t lick anybody’s a** or they don’t know which a** to lick or they don’t even know how to lick an a**. I’m lucky to be licking the right a**.

When we refer to a**kissing or a**licking in this context, we refer to the act of kowtowing to someone else, making them feel more important than they may be because we have something to benefit from them, it could be the act of debasing oneself before another to secure a favour and the question here is do real men do this and should they?

Many real men do. Some insist in fact that there is no man of power in Nigeria who did not rise by kissing a**. The society here is structured in such a way that most people in generations before us had to depend in many ways on government to be able to do whatever they wanted to do. From winning contracts to setting up businesses and other things, government was the means of sustenance and those in government are not always the brightest or best among us.

Real men know how to do what they have to do in order to get what they want so that they can do what they want to do. The Yoruba even have a proverb that says one should call a madman one’s in-law so that he can let you pass but in the usual contradictory manner of many African traditional wisdom, the Yoruba also say one cannot call a cow with the prefix ‘uncle’ because one wants to eat meat. The difference may be that a madman is still human but a cow is not and so a**kissing should be limited to those who deserve it.

Real men are not perpetual a**lickers – kowtowing to the whims of every person who looks like they can give them some edge over others – such actions can be quite nauseating to watch. It does not befit a real man to go everywhere sucking up to other people just in case he may need them soon. As Aunty Uju said, one must be licking the right one.

It however depends on how badly you want something; if you want it badly enough and all that stands between you and getting it is some person who wants you to pay homage before you get it, you can decide to, if there is no other way. I learnt this lesson heavily quite recently: I thought I had beaten someone to something, only to find him waiting for me at almost the tail end of the project, smirking and indirectly demanding respect. When I saw that my options were limited as he demonstrated much control over the approval of the end product and having invested emotionally and financially in the whole business, I had no option than to kiss his ass with as much dignity as I could muster. What I did not do was compromise my conscience or my faith or my future engagement with the project but I did give him the respect he deserved as best as I could.

Many real men do. Some insist in fact that there is no man of power in Nigeria who did not rise by kissing a**. The society here is structured in such a way that most people in generations before us had to depend in many ways on government to be able to do whatever they wanted to do.

Igbo brothers sometimes understand how this thing works better: the relationship of a master and his apprentice holds many lessons for most of us. I’ve seen apprentices who became greater than their masters but who never for once disrespected them even for at least giving them the first shot at greatness. It is said that stooping to greet a dwarf does not mean that one would not rise to his full height afterwards.

I agree with Aunty Uju’s submission and if I didn’t, I’ll have to be content with living an average life outside the dictates of anybody’s whim. To participate in mainstream business, politics and most other aspects of life in this society, one must give homage to those who have been there before. The difference that real men bring to the act is that they know whose ass to kiss, who to rubbish and how to keep their dignity to get the job done.

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Demola Rewaju  is a writer with a background in political history and activism developed during his days as a student in the University of Ado Ekiti. He is also a real estate consultant and he blogs from www.demolarewaju.com

 Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

Op-Ed Editor