by Lyndra Hearn Antonson
If you consistently end up with men who disappear or begin distancing themselves, look at your own need to distance.
You’re dating a guy you really like. He suddenly starts dragging his feet on spending time with you or he disappears – stops calling, emailing or texting. What can you do?
1. Don’t take action when feeling urgent.
These needy feelings indicate your inner child or emotional self is in the driver’s seat when she should be in the back seat safely restrained. Many years ago, when I was single and looking for a mate, I sent a provocative email when I was feeling a sense of urgency to a man who’d expressed interest in me. It freaked him out and that was the end of it.
2. Take some deep breaths.
Connect with the wise, self-loving, adult part of you – the part that recognizes your guy has his own issues and circumstances that have nothing to do with you.
3. Listen to your intuition.
If you sense your guy may need a little encouragement – perhaps he’s feeling insecure about himself or your interest in him – it’s OK to reach out and check in. But if he doesn’t respond to your effort, let him go. He likely has his own stuff to work through.
4. Look at yourself.
If you consistently end up with men who disappear or begin distancing themselves, look at your own need to distance. Relationship patterns are mirrors that show us important things we need to learn about ourselves. I had a long pattern of attracting unavailable men. Unavailable doesn’t just mean married or in a committed relationship. It’s anything that a man makes a bigger priority than you. It could be his work, time with his friends or family, hanging out at the bar or watching sports. When I was finally willing to look at how I was unavailable, I was able to address my fears and attract my wonderful husband.
5. Recognize your potential.
Recognize you are worthy of a healthy, loving relationship with a man who treats you like a precious treasure. Don’t settle for less. In my last relationship before I met my husband, my then-boyfriend got re-involved with his ex-wife. For a while, he was seeing us both. Because I had the false belief I would never find anyone more perfect for me than him, I tried to convince him to be with me. When the relationship finally ended, I made a firm commitment to myself: I will never beg a man to be with me again. My future man will have to prove to me that he’s perfect for me. And that’s exactly what happened. In 2002, I married a wonderful man who still treats me like a precious treasure. Stay true to yourself and you can have that, too!
Readers, what do you plan on doing the next time your man starts pulling away?
Read this article in Dating Advice
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.