He had a lifetime collection of wrestling DVDs. He would scream with the boys when there was a smackdown while the wife just shook her head in resignation.

Mr Edoho had no time for sissies and weaklings. So when his wife gave him twin boys five years ago,they were already sentenced to a life of toughness.

He didn’t let his boys play with girls. He never bought them dolls but toy-guns. He didn’t believe in his boys coming home to report when fellow students beat them in school. They fight back and beat someone. He had no time for cry-babies.

His wife always tried to tell him to take it easy with the kids but he argued that it wasn’t an option.

“If my own father had been easy on me, I might have been a hopeless loser by now” he would always argue.

Mrs Edoho would just walk away from her Lawyer husband. When he was younger,he always wanted to be a soldier but he was too sluggish & weak to make Military school. She knew it haunted him so he wanted to make sure Peter & Paul won’t have to suffer a similar fate. But she thought he should soften up a little with them.

His favorite past time with them was watching wrestling. He had a lifetime collection of wrestling DVDs. He would scream with the boys when there was a smackdown while the wife just shook her head in resignation.

But all that would change…

On that fateful day, Mr Edoho came back from work crazily exhausted. The 5 year old twins were just rounding off their homework. As soon as they saw their dad,they screamed they wanted to watch wrestling. He was too tired to refuse so he slotted in one of the SummerSlam collections he had and the twins sat to watch. His wife asked him to wait to eat dinner so he could go rest after. She went to the kitchen to get his meal.

He went to sit at the dining table to wait for his meal so he could eat and go sleep. He didn’t know when he slept off with his head hanging backwards and his mouth open as he snored softly.

Now the boys were real excited as Randy Orton leapt from the top rope buckle and delivered an elbow smash to a semi-conscious opponent.

They wanted to call their dad to see the move when they saw their dozing dad with the same expression as the wrestler Randy Orton just elbow-smashed. With a grin on their face,they abandoned the TV and both went to climb on the top of the settee closest to the dining chair their dad was seated…

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Mr Edoho was dreaming he was in heaven… At the pearly gates to be exact. Somehow,it wasn’t Saint Peter at the gate but the husband of the lady he cheated on Mrs Edoho with. He knew he had no chance to make heaven and since “the violent taketh it by force”,he proceeded to force himself in. As he pulled at the gate,the gate now started falling on him! He couldn’t run fast enough and as the gate fell on him,he heard a SNAP and he felt a pain so unbearable to be a dream…

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When he opened his eyes, he realised he was face up on the floor with a crushing pain on his neck. Then he looked up to see Peter,one of the twins, jumping off the top of the sofa with his elbow aimed straight for his neck. He wanted to shout at the boy but he realised he couldn’t utter a sound. Worse still, he realised he couldn’t move a muscle to dodge the blow. The last thing he realised as he felt a convulsive pain wrack his body was Paul, the other twin, climbing to the top of the sofa and the wife stepping out of the kitchen… He stopped realising then.

2 months later, Mr Edoho still had the caste well set on his neck but you won’t find a Wrestling DVD anywhere around him. A local TV station in Lagos that show Wrestling is now a taboo in the house.

Hehehe…

Don’t try this at home.

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Kay Aishida is simply known to his readers as BlogAces. Predictably, his posts are called BlogAce’s Posts and he tweets @blog_aces. He writes about life generally and tries to lace it with humour.

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.