Ladies, listen up: 18 sweet things you have to tell you man

by Brie Schwartzblack-couple-in-bed

In a relationship, it’s not only women who like to hear that they look nice, or that they’re wanted. Whether it’s a simple compliment to kick off his day

“I respect you”

“I know that it might seem old-fashioned, but men and women are different,” explains Dr. Eris Huemer, a licensed marriage and family therapist featured on Bravo’s LA Shrinks. “We don’t think the same, talk the same, or respond the same to similar situations. Women want to feel loved, cherished and safe. Men want respect.” Since men often withdraw when they don’t feel that respect, it’s worth giving him the positivity he craves. “A man wants to know that you are focusing solely on him and that he is your priority. When you do focus on him, you will get so much in return.”

“You look handsome”

It may sound obvious, but men enjoy a good ego-stroking, especially when they’re not trying to impress. “Whenever my fiancé groggily tells me I look nice in the morning, before I head out the door for work, it makes me feel unstoppable for the rest of the day,” says New Yorker Charles C., 30. “It’s one thing to hear it if we’re going out to a nice place, but when she tells me I look dapper when I’m on my way to the office, it gives me a renewed confidence.”

“Thank you”

It’s easy to overlook the small gestures, like when he swaps out his toothbrush head for yours or straightens up the apartment even if you’re not having friends over. Instead of issuing a passive aggressive, “it’s about time!” thank him. “Catch him doing something right every day,” says says Lisa L. Payne, life transitions coach and author of What If They Knew: Secrets of an Impressive Woman. “Whether it’s that he made your coffee just the way you like it, or holds the door for you, tell him how much you appreciate his efforts and, above all, be specific about what he did and how it made you feel. That way, he’ll know exactly what he’s done well, and he’ll do it more often.”

“I trust you”

You’ve probably got this one covered, but communicating it is all in the timing. “The best time to share your feelings with your guy is just before or during sex,” says Georgianna Donadio, PhD, relationship expert and author of Changing Behavior: Immediately Transform Your Relationships with Easy to Learn Proven Communication Skills. “At that time, levels of oxytocin, a hormone that enhances feelings of trust, love and intimacy, are elevated, making it the very best moment to love talk with your partner. It’s also the ideal time to let him know what you want from him in the relationship, as he will be the most receptive and open.”

“I’m on your side”

“Find a way to let your partner know, on a daily basis, that you’re in his corner,” says Dr. Shannon Kolakowski, psychologist and author of the forthcoming book, When Depression Hurts Your Relationship. “You might show your loyalty by standing up for your guy when he feels the world is against him. Let him know you support what he’s passionate about. Show him that you value what he values. This adds a sense of teamwork, security, and intimacy to your relationship.”

“I’m listening”

Men communicate differently than women, tending toward reticence when they’re upset. When this happens, don’t badger him, but do let him know that you’re there for him, and when he does begin to talk through his issues, don’t interrupt him or offer any unsolicited opinions. Let him feel safe and unjudged. According to Mindfulness and Acceptance: Expanding the Cognitive-Behavioral Tradition, couples that really hear each other are happier in their relationships, and experience lower levels of depression and anxiety.

“Good morning. Let’s get frisky!”

Perhaps you shouldn’t use that quote verbatim, but let him know that if he wants to be intimate with you, he needs to set the stage in the morning. According to Sharyn Wolf, LCSW, marriage counselor and author of How to Stay Lovers for Life, you’ve got to “stroke the mind before you stroke the behind.” If you want to have sex that night, foreplay begins that morning, so send him suggestive texts throughout the day. He’ll get the idea.

“I’m sorry”

My fiancé and I are fortunate enough that we don’t fight (too) often, and when we do‚ it’s usually hunger-induced. However, when I am driven to the point of crazy and my low blood sugar turns into an assassination of his character, I need to remember to leave the room, take a few deep breaths — or sips of wine — and apologize. When an irrational fight arises out of a silly situation, the best thing to do is to apologize before it escalates into something bigger, and a lot meaner. He’s not always the enemy. Sometimes hormones, or even lack of calories are the culprits.

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Read full article at Redbook

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

One comment

  1. I wish, I will see a lady of my type but no way for me, dey say lady have power over man but for me I hv nt come across any of them, if I see any one dat I can lv with all my heart pls any one available should call dis number 07069763864 Thanks ad God Bless U.

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