by Cheta Nwanze

Speaking of dogs in mangers, the eggheads at LASU are firmly positioning themselves in that column. Rather than insisting on standards, they are attempting to sell an outmoded form of socialism to the Lagos public.

Do you regularly wake up at unholy hours of a Lagos morning in order to get to your destination, and still arrive late because of the gross stupidity of other road users? Then you must have said, on the odd occasion, “God bless LASTMA!”. Yes, I’ve said it too. Just imagine for a quick minute what that city will be like if those men in the colour riot were not on the roads. Nah! I also found it too traumatic to imagine. Sadly, some Feds have decided to subject the average Lagosian to that reality. In a dog in the manger kind of behaviour, the kind that JC described in Matthew 23:13, a new, err, federal task force has sprung up to compete for the jurisdiction of Lagos traffic with LASTMA. Problem is, these chappies had slunk away from the roads by 4 pm. Before rush hour. Given the lack of progress on the Apapa-Oshodi Express Road, another federal road, I have zero doubts that this new, err, federal agency will end up cocking up our already cocked up Lagos traffic.

Speaking of dogs in mangers, the eggheads at LASU are firmly positioning themselves in that column. Rather than insisting on standards, they are attempting to sell an outmoded form of socialism to the Lagos public. “By our collective assessment, these developments are inimical to long term prosperity of the university, the students for whom the institution was established and the career advancement of ASUU members,” shrilled LASU’s ASUU hat, Adekunle Idris, while ironically sending the kids on their merry way to become Devil’s Workshops, and failing to see the irony in the sense that higher education the world over, actually costs money.

It’s not only the Feds and the eggheads that are behaving like that woman whom King Solomon outed a few millennia hence. The men-in-black and a few wigs are in on the act as well. Thus it was that yesterday, some thug was arrested with an arsenal large enough to start a small war, or better still take a happy part in the war that has been going on, quietly, in Lagos for half a decade. Problem is, this thuggie will probably be set loose on the streets later, because a court will not, err, have jurisdiction to cover his case.

Bits and Bobs
The carnage that is the North of the Lugard Line rolls on. Jos got in on the act yesterday. The usual platitudes from the men in charge. God rest the dead.

N3k a day translates to N90k a month. Working for an Army where a recruit takes home between N32k and N38k monthly, John Henry and his friends were good at their jobs. Problem is, they aren’t really soldiers.
According to a suit at our locomotives, Nigerians have found a new use for railway lines – we use them as cemeteries.

Right of Reply

Tosin Ogunleye wrote,

I have no clue what preceded Sijuwade Salami’s note re: making Nigerian Pidgin English an official language. Stranger ideas have been birthed in the minds of mortals, albeit one must ask if this idea has surfaced as a result of the inability of a majority of Nigerians to master the current official language (thus, providing them with an easier language), or as a means to uniting a divided nation (perhaps, mediation between tribes will become more effective if done in Pidgin).
P.S. Surely, “mo nbo” means “I’m on my way/I’m coming” – which slightly, but certainly, differs from “I’m returning”?

AbdulRahman Mijinyawa wrote,

Since Sijuwade picked up on it, I’d like to add my voice to the translation of ‘ina zuwa’. It literally means ‘I am coming’. However, this is significantly context-dependent and the second person in any particular conversation will be the best judged of the exact meaning. I am tempted to elaborate further but this could complicate matters. However, like you rightly observed and regardless of context, ‘I dey come’ has only one meaning.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.