Does it matter if your friends like your partner, and vice versa?

by Adedayo Ademuwagun

Elle and Jason are in a relationship in the movie That Awkward Moment. There’s a scene in the movie where two of Jason’s friends are at his place and they’re drinking beer and playing Xbox. They’re just having some guy time together.

Then the doorbell rings and it’s an unexpected visit from Elle. The guys are pissed to be disturbed, but the mood changes when Elle enters with a bottle of Whisky.

“Hi guys. I brought Scotch. I don’t know if you guys drink Scotch. Maybe we should try it out.”

The guys’ faces light up.

“She brought Scotch!”

So she joins the guys on the sofa while Jason is pouring the drinks and she asks if she can play some Xbox with them. They’re all thrilled about this.

That’s how they all have fun playing games and drinking Scotch, and by the time Elle says she’s leaving, they don’t want her to leave. She makes a good first impression in that scene and the guys just loved her from then on.

Many people think it’s important for their partner to like their friends and vice versa. But how’s this important in relationship? Do you take this seriously in your own relationship?

Gbenga says, “I try to create opportunities for my friends to get to know the lady I’m dating. Recently I invited a few friends over for lunch and my girlfriend cooked. We’d just started dating, so most of them were meeting her for the first time. So it was a chance for them to talk with her, see how well she interacts and learn a bit about her personality. I think it matters for my friends to like my girlfriend.”

Josephine says, “It can be quite concerning when your friends don’t get along with your partner or your partner doesn’t get along with your friends. But if you’re dating someone who’s a good person and you two have a great relationship, you shouldn’t really care what people say about him or her. It’s your affair.”

Friends usually like to keep to themselves what they think about their friend’s partner for fear it would offend them or affect their relationship badly. They just let the relationship run its course and try to not say anything negative. But some friends are more forward about things like this.

“I have a friend who was dating this guy,” says Omoh. “The guy had a good job and looked like a nice man, but he was just too regular for my liking. He wasn’t ambitious or purpose driven. But my friend is a passionate entrepreneur who totally wants to be a billionaire one day. So I knew they were simply a mismatch, and I told her. But she didn’t listen and now they’re having problems barely a year into the relationship.”

Actually, there a lot of people in the world who don’t want to be a billionaire or a legend but who would make a great spouse. So sometimes friends can form a flawed opinion of your partner.

Kola says, “I think it’s negligible if one of your friends disapprove of your partner. That person may be wrong, but if three or more are saying the same thing, you need to listen.”

“Some times when you’re in love you tend to overlook the negative things about your partner, but friends can see these things and they can point them to you so that you can look into them and see if these are things you’d really want to put up with.

“But that’s if they’ve proven to you that they can make good relationship judgement, and are probably doing well in their own relationship too. Even then, you still have to follow your heart.”

Perhaps the best thing is to lean back and let your friend learn from hindsight instead of nosing into their relationship with your unsolicited advice.

Ifeoma says, “I’ve had friends whose boyfriend I disliked for some reason, but I prefer to hint at it instead of outrightly disclosing my disapproval. That way, when things don’t work out between them, she’ll learn from the experience by herself and then I can chip in a piece of advice for next time.”

Gbenga says, “If the issue is serious like it’s a deceptive relationship or an exploitative one, then it might be vital to talk to your friend about this man or woman. But if it’s just personality stuff, let them work it out themselves and decide if they want to continue to be with this person.”

In any case it’s good to be nice to your partner’s friends, because chances are if you’re nice to them they in turn will be nice to you too.

Josephine says, “Show that you really care about them. Try to say good things about them and take some interest in what they’re interested in whether it’s football or politics or anything else. You should know a thing or two about what they’re into and try to be a part of it to the extent that your partner approves.

“There’s a difference between disliking them because they’re not rich enough, or good looking enough and disliking them because they’re just bad. But if you’re still not sure how should relate with your partner’s friends or your friend’s partner, a good rule of thumb would be to do what’s best for the relationship.”

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