While many of you had your attention devoted to the match between England and Italy (or was it Spain?) last night, husband of Dame Patience and ruler of the land, President Goodluck Jonathan took time out of his ever busy schedule of … to engage select members of the Nigerian media in a live television chat.
Fielding questions from Tribune Editor, Edward Dickson; Ishak Modibo Kawu of Blue Print newspapers and Maupe Ogun of Channels, and made it clear he knows exactly what he’s doing. From Boko Haram to electricity to Rio, President Jonathan silenced his critics and took no prisoners.
Check out the top 7 soundbites below:
“If an Indian is working and light goes off, he will get his candle and keep working but Nigerians will curse and riot”
You naughty, stubborn Nigerians. Instead of clamouring for things as trivial and useless as electricity, why not simply take a cue from the Indians who waste no time and get to work with candles?
“I don’t give a damn”
Yes, Nigerians, if for some bizarre reason you thought otherwise before, your President has asserted that he in fact, does not give a damn. “The issue of public asset declaration is a matter of personal principle,” he said in response to questions about whether or not he would take a cue from his predecessor, the late Umar Musa Yar’Adua and declare his assets.
“That is the way I see it, and I don’t give a damn about it, even if you criticise me from heaven. When I was the Vice President , that matter came up, and I told the former President, let’s not start something that would make us play into the hands of people and create an anomalous situation in the country.”
Well, he sure told us.
“When they hear that the President did not travel because of bombings, they celebrate.”
President Goodluck in response to questions about his recent trip to Brazil right after a bombing took place stated that he just had to continue with his plans, as doing otherwise might have sent the wrong message.
“I have no regrets in going to Brazil; the threat of Boko Haram is painful because I have lost people and properties. One of the tactics of terrorists is to cripple government. Boko Haram and their sponsors cannot and will never stop the government from moving.”
Here we have a president selfless enough to put himself through the torture of hopping on a flight to Rio, for the grand aim of denying the big bad members of Boko Haram the joys of celebrating the success of bombings which led to religious clashes and a curfew which still hasn’t been lifted. And we still complain!
“Most of the students don’t even know who MKO Abiola was. Some were 5 years then.”
The president also touched on the issue of the renaming of the University of Lagos, pointing out that the stubborn little kids who dare to defy his decision simply don’t know what they are talking about.
” The change was made in line with Nigerian laws especially the ones relating to naming and change of name of an Institution. In establishing a University, the University is set up first, before it is sent to the National Assembly to ratify. In name change, we have to declare the new name before sending it to the National Assembly.”
“Most of the top universities in the world are named after people”
Still on the UNILAG/MAULAG issue, President dearest decided to point out that many “top universities” in the world are named after people. This of course should cause students of the University of Lagos to jump and clap their hands with glee at the prospect of their institution becoming like the top ones in the world, as a name change is all it takes to transform the standards of their school to those of, as President Jonathan put it, “Harvard and others.”
“Criticizing Jonathan and Jonathan’s administration is a serious business among Nigerians”
Poor President Jonathan. All he wants is to make Nigerians happy and yet these same people keep bullying him. When asked about the current bribery scandal rocking the fuel subsidy probe, the President, in what was perhaps an attempt to spare Honourable Farouk Lawan any more negative attention, found a way to bring the conversation back to himself, stating that Nigerians have not given him enough credit for initiating the probe in the first place.
“People don’t know that I initiated the subsidy probe before the Senate and the House of Representatives started it. The PDP has a board of trustees and since the fuel subsidy probe report was made known, no PDP member was indicted in that report. So the claims that PDP was indicted are wrong. All the noise that the President is part of the Farouk sting operation is wrong.”
“I want to make sure that ordinary Nigerians will one day like me get here without a Godfather.”
We’re just going to hazard a guess and say the above statement was meant to be the 2012 version of his “I had no shoes” bestseller.