“All I could think of was f__k! I was blank. Okay!”
I was told since my childhood to search for success right at the moment when understanding curve balls and intertwines, strands by strands with competition.
My eyes squint and my stomach reels at the thought that someone okaying my decisions was all that should matter.
It doesn’t seem like it matters if the totality of my belief says that life should be worth more than a few crumbs or that a baby’s life is worth more than a woman working 9 to 5, beating success at its game.
Maybe I need to retrace my life in order to grasp the total chaos that striving for literal understanding has brought into my life.
Okay, maybe the answer lies in some competition – Last night at the public relations student meeting, I froze, couldn’t compete.
The question was whether interning should be scrapped from being part of life.
All I could think of was f__k! I was blank. Okay!
I also thought about successfully showing that I understood the words that spewed out. I lost the election because I was blank. Totally.
Success has me knotted about competing. Life hates fairness on my understanding. I’m not okay with this form. F__k it!
Murewa Olubela graduated from the University of South Florida with creative writing and public relations degrees. She hopes that she finishes and publishes her first novel in the nearest future. She sporadically blogs on olatodera.blogspot.com and tweets her unnamed story with the hashtag #murewa.
30 Days 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.
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