Opinion: Money, power and sex – How to get plenty of one

by Keld Jensen

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Years ago, my colleague made a brilliant observation. He said that if you have plenty of one of the three – money, sex, or power – the other two will follow. I think he’s right.

What motivates you? This is the question that I often ask when meeting other professionals for the first time. Throughout my career, people have always been somewhat taken aback by the question. After they get over their initial surprise, they proceed to add to the endless assortment of responses I’ve heard, such as family, career success, freedom, boating, and even horse riding music. Yes, that’s right—horse riding music.

Regardless of the plethora of answers, the primary stories that dominate media headlines focus on just three: money, sex, and power. Human beings are naturally fascinated by these particular motivators, fixated on the lives and stories of celebrities, influential politicians, and business leaders. Their vast sums of money astonish the public, as do the riches that come with it. We watch their interviews, read their articles, and use the products they endorse in hopes that it will provide the secret formula for professional and financial success.

For the more traditional careers that apply to the 99% of us, I believe there is one key skill required to achieve the money or power of the 1%. Consider what abilities would be most valuable if your task was to convince your boss to provide you with a pay raise. If you are in a discussion with a valuable client, what skills are necessary to retain the account or create favorable terms? In your personal life, how would you increase your travel budget when your partner is against it, obtain a refund after the warranty expired, or make an appeal to the most attractive person you’ve ever met to go on a first date with you? Your success in all these situations is dependent on your ability to negotiate.

Yes, you read correctly. If you want power, money, or influence, you must negotiate. Negotiation is not just for ABC’s Shark Tank contestants. Anytime you are trying to create an outcome with another individual or party, you negotiate. As Dale Carnegie famously stated in his bestselling book How to Win Friends and Influence People, “Even in such technical lines as engineering, about 15% of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge and about 85% is due to skill in human engineering, to personality and the ability to lead people.” Human engineering is your ability to influence yourself and others.

Henry Kissinger, former political scientist and diplomat, is perhaps one of the most iconic examples of a man whose negotiation skills helped him achieve it all. Kissinger rose from a young boy fleeing Nazi Germany for the U.S. to a Harvard student and professor, from a National Security Advisor to Secretary of the State under Nixon, and finally to TIME magazine’s “Man of the Year.” He climbed the ranks with nothing but sheer determination and an incredible ability to persuade.

While a truly controversial figure, he is renowned for helping to end the Vietnam War and for bringing the POWs home, meeting face-to-face with the Chinese to establish diplomatic relations, and personally negotiating the end of conflict between Egypt and Israel. By leveraging his skill, he was able to put himself in a position of power and then wield it to create more power. Unsurprisingly, this led to other benefits, such as fame and money, which then created a stronger sex appeal.

Years ago, my colleague made a brilliant observation. He said that if you have plenty of one of the three – money, sex, or power – the other two will follow. I think he’s right. History is riddled with famous examples of the powerful and wealthy who consequently also gained sexual notoriety, often to their own detriment.

Consider Bill Clinton’s scandalous relationship with Monica Lewinsky, or John Edward’s extramarital affair. Hugh Hefner had multiple beautiful 20-something girlfriends while in his early 80s. Power and money helped create bedroom desire and trouble for Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Kobe Bryant. Stories from the boardroom are plentiful too, from Lockheed Martin LMT +2.86%’s CEO Christopher Kubasik’s relationship with a subordinate, and similar cases at Best Buy, Hewlett Packard, and others. Sex scandals have severely damaged countless reputations and relationships, but nevertheless, as Henry Kissinger once said, “Power is the great aphrodisiac.”

It’s hard to deny the potent effects of money and influence, but even harder to avoid the fact that negotiation is the superpower of the professional elite. Top negotiators not only sway the ideas of others, but they are masters at building rapport and a spirit of cooperation and collaboration. They also know when to assert themselves and take control. In traditional careers, the ability to negotiate is the key to money and power – but always remember to be careful what you wish for. These aspects don’t guarantee fulfillment or true happiness. In fact, it was Arnold himself who said, “Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.”

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Read this article on Forbes

Keld Jensen, Contributor writes about negotiation, behavioural economics and trust.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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