Nkiru Okoye: Getting married? Learn how to deal with bridesmaids problems (Y! Superblogger)
There is no rule that says you must have the same number of grooms as bridesmaids. In the alternative have a back up maid of honour or bridesmaid.
I’ve seen quite a number of brides getting all ‘wrinkled up’ when dealing with their bridesmaids. Putting your bridal party together takes as much toll on you as planning the wedding itself. From the bridesmaids not living to your expectations to the grumpy and sensitive single bridesmaid, you have to be careful when dealing with your bridesmaids else you could get frustrated.
Hopefully you picked your bridesmaids because they are special and you want to share your special day with them, but the truth is that no matter how special they are, your bridesmaids are human beings with their own different ideas and personalities. This will most likely get in the way during the planning process. Here are a few pointers when you’re faced with a few common bridesmaid issues:
1. Someone asks to be in the wedding party
You have carefully chosen the girls that will be your bridesmaids and someone e.g. your mother-in-law tries to force a maid on you or a family member just assumes she is part of your bridal party. Be firm and gently say ‘NO’ It really is your day and you should be surrounding yourself with the maids that YOU choose, not the ones chosen for you.
2. You can’t get a hold of a bridesmaid
So you have included your childhood friend to your bridal party. You’ve been friends since you were 6, went to different schools, stay in different states but throughout your childhood you both have talked about being each other’s maid of honour. You gave her a call and informed her that you are getting married and she is your maid of honour and she screamed excitedly. Now you have not been able to reach her and this is totally stressing you out. Try all avenues of reaching her and if it all fails carry on with your plans- if she shows up on the wedding day fine if she doesn’t fine. Decide to enjoy your wedding no matter what. There is no rule that says you must have the same number of grooms as bridesmaids. In the alternative have a back up maid of honour or bridesmaid.
3. There are complaints about expenses
Be reasonable and considerate. The dress would most likely be worn for only a few hours so it really doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg. Work together with your bridal party to choose a dress style within a reasonable budget. If the dress is expensive you could meet them halfway e.g you could give them shoes and accessories free or if there’s enough money to take care of the bridesmaids expenses then by all means do so.
4. Someone doesn’t like the dress
Explain to your bridesmaids the look you want for your wedding. Work together with them to choose a style everyone is comfortable with. Nothing worse than having grumpy and uncomfortable looking bridesmaids at your wedding. If a bridesmaid is uncomfortable it will reflect in your wedding photos.
5. They are not helpful
I’ve been on ‘bridesmaiding’ duties at some weddings I had no business being in. Looking back now I can’t even remember being helpful in anyway- prior, during and post wedding. All I did was be present at the ceremony and immediately the vows were exchanged I was off. Many brides do this and end up regretting it. A bridesmaid should be a good friend who can render help when necessary and be a part of your wedding not disconnected from it. Take care that you are not expecting too much because it really is your wedding and not theirs. If you need major help, don’t expect your bridesmaid that bakes to make you a free wedding cake or one that does makeup to do a free wedding makeup for you. Get professionals to handle this. Also be specific as to what you expect your bridesmaids to help you with, be it a bachelorette party, helping with invitations, getting wedding favours etc
6. They don’t seem as excited as I am
That’s probably because they aren’t. Nobody is. This does not mean that they are not happy for you but their lives do not have to be put on hold just because you are planning your wedding. Ditch those unreasonable expectations. Be particularly careful about the ‘serial bridesmaid’ who has been bridesmaids to many brides and has no ring on her finger yet. Weddings are usually a very sensitive time for single women.
7. You get a little jealous
One of your bridesmaids is trying so hard to outshine you. She complains about the dress style, if it will flatter her figure, about getting a professional makeup artist for herself, she wants perfect skin at your wedding and so hasn’t missed a beauty appointment in the last 2 months. Its normal to start feeling stirrings of jealousy especially if it’s a friend that normally is gorgeous. Fret not! There has never been a time in history that a bridesmaid is known to have outshone the bride. There is just something about the white dress and the wedding glow that no bridesmaid no matter how dressed to the nines she is, can beat.
8. Someone drops out
If your bridesmaid drops out of the wedding what do you do? You should be more concerned as to why than about how your photos will look with her missing. It probably could be an issue with money, in which case you can decide to pick the tab. What if she can’t afford a flight ticket or afford to throw you a party? if it’s clear that she cant be there do not replace her, sacrificing your friendship because of this isn’t worth it. Send her a message saying you hope she can still make it as a guest. No one will notice the uneven sides in the photo
9. Last-ditch effort
When something really bad happens or you anticipate something terrible happening you have no choice but to ask the bridesmaid in question to step down. A good friend will respect your decisions. This is never an easy decision to make.
Nkiru “MizVuitton’” Okoye is a legal practitioner and a freelance writer. A lover of weddings and a die-hard romantic, she blogs passionately about weddings at www.cakesbymizvuitton.blogspot.com.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.