Nwadioke Nicole Ifeoma: Beautifully introverted

by Nwadioke Nicole Ifeoma

“You need to more outgoing!”

This is a phrase not alien to introverts, and it’s certainly not alien to me. Growing up as an introvert there was always this wondering, “What is wrong with me? Why am I not like everyone else?” These questions brought me to the brink of hating myself because to me something was definitely wrong with me. I was tagged as a snub, anti-social and downright emotionally disabled. Teachers designed my report cards with comments of how I needed to change, my parents apologized for my ‘shyness’, peers called me boring and I told myself I was flawed but my only ‘mistake’ was being an introvert.

It was preferring to stay in with a good book and a movie than going out. It was feeling deeply and even feeling what others were feeling. It was preferring structure to spontaneity. It was talking less and needing more time alone than in social gatherings. My only ‘mistake’ was being an introvert, but it wasn’t a mistake. It is who I am.

It is becoming an increasingly difficult task for introverts to be themselves in a world that’s constantly loud and favours the ‘loud’; a world that preaches ‘be yourself’ and ‘embrace who you are’, but turns around and tells an introvert to be something else and step out of their shells forgetting that some animals are born naturally with shells.

Introverts are considered to be the rarest of all the 16 personality traits. To get a background perspective to introversion we see that the word introvert is from the Latin word ‘introvertere’ with intro meaning “inward” and vertere translating to “turning”. It essentially describes a person who turns inward mentally, feeling energized during alone time rather than in large groups.

In Nigeria the plague of ignorance has shielded so many from understanding the different personality types and that everyone functions differently; that it is these differences that makes the world what it is. I don’t have to cast my mind so  far back to remember times when I would be physically shaken by my teachers in an effort, by their own understanding, to make me step out of my shell but all it did was make me feel alienated and alone, cast aside and unfit to be among everyone else. My hand wasn’t always the first up in class, I wasn’t always found in social circles, I didn’t have a lot of friends and I wasn’t the most vocal but I wasn’t flawed, I wasn’t like a fine china with a chip on side but that is how I was made to feel.

Getting older I told myself that I will outgrow this, that someday I would be like my big sister who would walk into a room and envelope the whole place with her presence, that I would be like my mum who was sociable and could speak anywhere, anytime and to anyone, that I would be like my dad who was loved by all because he could charm them with his personality and witty conversation. But I wasn’t a charmer, I wasn’t sociable, I didn’t have a big personality, I was simply an introvert.

Not too long ago in university, leadership positions were being assigned to students and I sat in front wide-eyed and ready to serve in whatever way I could but my lecturer looked over my head to everyone else, seeing their potential and telling them what they could be, everyone except  me. I went back to my hostel, buried my head in my pillow and wept. My cheeks where stained with tears that told a story of a life time of being overlooked and side-eyed, of having to work extra hard and do a little bit more to be noticed. I was subjected to a constant barrage of advice and self-help quips on how I can be ‘better’ because something has to be wrong with me right? All the while all I wanted to do was pick up a microphone and scream, tell the world to see me, to understand me but I couldn’t and I didn’t because it wasn’t who I am.

Today I am still an introverted young woman who has learnt to stop fighting who I am and embrace it. I have achieved what many never thought I could and I have quietly shaken my world because when Mahatma Gandhi said, “In a gentle way you can shake the world” I knew he was talking to me. I haven’t had to change because I cannot be anyone else, I have not tried to change because no one is better at being me than me.

It’s time the world, organizations and families embrace introverts without trying to fix them and for introverts to remain beautifully introverted and unmistakeably themselves because in the words of Susan Cain “Don’t think of introversion as something that needs to be cured…Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to.” Introverts shouldn’t have to change to fit the world, the world should change its heart. No one should have to change who they naturally are to be who others think they should be, introverts and extroverts alike.

Introverts are characteristically dreamers, visionary, strong willed and they birth revolutionary ideas. Most times they go unseen, quietly utilising their influence behind the scenes without expecting some form of reward. Introverts are lovers of harmony and detest conflict. They make excellent friends, companions, comforters and counsellors. They are exceptional listeners and contrary to popular belief make outstanding leaders.  Introverts have a heart that accommodates much more than their own pain. They are essential to our world and should not be placed on the back burner just because their voice isn’t the loudest in the room or their presence is more like a gentle breeze. A puzzle is never complete even if it’s just the smallest piece missing. Once introverts are placed into the puzzle the picture becomes clearer.

I am still that little girl who sat  at the corner of the classroom with a book in her hand, who enjoyed her time alone but was in no way lonely, the only difference today is that I know more and I know better than to let anyone make me feel that who I am is not enough because it is more than enough and I might not be a quake that takes a tree by its root but I am the gentle breeze that causes its leaves to tremble and somehow that’s good enough for me because no matter how little I will make a difference.


This entry was submitted as part of the Nigerian Voices competition organized by YNaija.com.

We publish, un-edited, Nigerians telling the stories of their everyday lives. Read all the narratives daily on the Nigerian Voices vertical. You can also contribute your own story titled ‘Nigerian Voices’ to [email protected].

 

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