Ola Oshodi: I will marry when I want (30 Days, 30 Voices)
So I was 27, and divorced. Then I gave the whole think a rethink. The same kind I had before getting married but with better understanding now.
For people who know a little of literature, this is a title of one of the famous writer, Ngugi Wa Thiong’o’s books. It fits so aptly now, because if like me you haven’t really read the book, the title tells a lot already and it makes a whole load of sense to me.
God bless our mothers. When you are hitting age 25-26, they start to remember all of a sudden how close their angel of wakeless sleep is and how they must see their grandchildren before its arrival. Your friends who actually really envy your freedom start to bug you to join the marriage association. Your partner might not even mind, but her parents do. Then you start to rethink, “it won’t be that much of a trap now, would it?” Hate to break it to you friend, but that thing is all the bad things you think it to be. If you have to think about how bad it might be, it will be much worse than you can imagine. Let me share a personal story.
I am just 28, that’s not old, shouldn’t be in any dictionary. Coincidentally, I am an only child. That sort of makes you want to look back at the age and say “28 is not so young”. Everyone is handing me invitation cards to weddings these days, I go duly for the ones I can, send my apologies to those I can’t. But it doesn’t stop there and that’s the sad part. I had to do the famous rethinking thing and I came to tell myself, just do it, it can’t be so bad. So yes, I got married to this girl I had been dating for about 2 years. Not too short a courtship but it wasn’t long enough for me to fall “head over heels” in love like the books tell you. So I decided either the books lie about the deep falling thing or I hadn’t given it enough time and the love would start after marriage. She seemed uncertain and hesitant when I proposed but she said yes, and we were married some weeks after.
Then the real show began. First, it was the whole wedding night drama. It wasn’t going to be our first time but she wanted something special. I didn’t quite get why that particular night had to be different, I mean, we were fine in the room already, why the speciality tonight? So I told her to let us just sleep, I was very tired and we could do the special thing maybe the next day. She was so sad, she wept herself to sleep. That for me was just pretty confusing.
Every day after that it was one trouble or the other. She made some demands I just thought were downright unreasonable. When after 3 months, she moved out and returned with a lawyer for a divorce, I have to say, I was elated. We parted nicely, probably the only day we were that nice to each other since we got married. So I was 27, and divorced. Then I gave the whole think a rethink. The same kind I had before getting married but with better understanding now. This time, I knew what I wanted. I knew if marriage had to happen again, it had to be because the time, person, feelings, and I were in sync. We both had to go into it knowing we won’t become into super humans after. Then I met her.
She was fine. Intelligent, successful, kind, thoughtful, funny, exciting, everything. I told her I was divorced, she simply laughed. One day, she said, “Even when we wish not to, we make mistakes. Sometimes we are lucky and given clean slates to right our wrongs”. When she asked me if I ever wanted to get married again, I knew the answer and I knew my terms this time. This one girl I would marry because making her happy is making me happy. Eating her soggy spaghetti and rinsing my mouth immediately after swallowing the lumps of salt buried in it simply makes me laugh. I want to be a part of those dreams she talks about. I do those things that make her smile, ever so naturally. She knows I need time to grow into the affairs of marriage and although waking up next to her each day would make my days eternally joyful ones; I would not rush this time. We would fight and make up. We would argue and compromise. We would dream together and make those dreams real. Then, I would marry when I want.
30 Days 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians to share their stories and experiences with other young Nigerians, within our borders and beyond, to inspire and motivate them.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.