by Oluranti Fatoye

In psychology-related slang, the term control describes a person who attempts to dictate how everything is done around them.

Controllers are often perfectionists defending themselves against their own inner vulnerabilities in the belief that if they are not in total control they risk exposing themselves once more to childhood angst. Such persons manipulate and pressure others to change so as to avoid having to change themselves and use power over others to escape an inner emptiness. When a control freak’s pattern is broken, “the controller is left with a terrible feeling of powerlessness … but feeling their pain and fear brings them back to themselves.

Every child is different, but for me, it had profound effects throughout my life and still does. It took me years to process what happened to me. When someone doesn’t show, you love, you don’t learn to love. That doesn’t even include the physical abuse, mental abuse, or sexual abuse. Permanently walking away from my abuser helped me the most, but I think any child will have long term effects.

In the days back, corporal punishment was a very common and usual practice. Children were called miniature adults and punishment was believed to be the only way to tame them. Sadly, corporal punishment is still practised.

“When I was at 6 years of age, my mum will slap me because I left her hand in the middle of the road and started running across the street”

The above situation is acceptable. This is a form of conditioning. Whenever a child does something which is not at all acceptable (like the one given in the example), spanking the kid once is alright. If you get lenient there, the kid would do it again.

“My mum at 8-year-old would hit me with a wooden rod because I didn’t finish my dinner”

This is absolutely unacceptable, and if done repeatedly, it would fit the definition of physical abuse. Everything that physically hurts the child such as hitting with something, burning, pushing, pinching, etc. comes under physical abuse. This form of ill-treatment to children is very common in homes and schools as well.

How does abuse affect a child?

When a child is physically abused, it creates a lasting impact on the little one’s brain. You might have heard of children who have issues with their academics. They don’t seem to be able to perform well. They just wouldn’t care. They don’t do it on purpose, though. There are other types of kids who have behavioural issues. They seem extremely cranky and demanding or extremely shy and reserved. Some kids, on the other hand, prefer to stay aloof and don’t make many friends. Such kids have trust issues.

Why are there such upheavals amongst these kids? Physical abuse is the answer. Such is the intensity of the damage physical abuse can cause to a child.

But it doesn’t end here.

When these children grow up, they continue having psychological issues. Below are some mental disorders associated with child physical abuse:

• Depression: a state of mind producing serious, long-term lowering of enjoyment of life or inability to visualise a happy future.

• Bipolar Disorder: a psychiatric diagnostic category, previously called manic depression characterised by mood swings between great energy and depression

• Borderline personality disorder: someone who is not clearly on one side or the other of a decision, an indecisive person or ambiguous.

• Narcissistic personality disorder: a personality disorder characterised largely by an over-inflated sense of self-importance typically caused by unbalanced parental valuation during childhood

• Eating Disorders: a psychological disorder characterised by abnormal eating habits

• Social phobia: inability to socialise.

• Dysmorphia: a psychological disorder whose sufferer believes that their body is wrong or not in good shape.

And so, on…

All of this chaos can be prevented if parents and educators stop beating up children for unreasonable reasons and use simple operant conditioning methods. If a behaviour is followed by a reward, the frequency of the behaviour increases. However, if the same behaviour is followed by a punishment, the behaviour is less likely to occur.

Punishment here does not mean beating, spanking or hitting a child. If you want to punish a child, take away his favourite toy for a week, or don’t serve him his favourite fruit loops the next morning.

There is a huge difference between conditioning a child and physical abuse.

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Op-ed Editor