by Jide Taiwo

As we settled to the routine of dating, I began to realize that although she was a lovely person, sweet and sexy to boot, we didn’t have that much in common.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am about to share with you a story from my past which I rarely do these days because when I do, I get bombarded with questions – and insults from certain women who assume that my story is about them. And as I have once experienced, readers of YNaija are quite a vocal lot.

Despite the backlash that I’m afraid would come, I am going to take the risk of getting abused for the entertainment of you YNaija readers. I think I deserve a The Future Award; if I can’t get a CNN African Journalist Award sef.

Once upon a time, there was a lady with whom I developed a friendship – on Facebook. We would talk for hours at a time, exchanging texts and chats and some steamy stuff and giggling like teenagers. The chemistry was very sparkly and our friendship seemed to have potential.  When we eventually met in person, it was simply a matter of picking up where we paused. It was as if we had been friends for years and we started seeing each other regularly. What made it more interesting was the fact that we took things slow physically. Or rather, she did. I didn’t mind very much. I thought that was refreshing.

As we settled to the routine of dating, I began to realize that although she was a lovely person, sweet and sexy to boot, we didn’t have that much in common. The phone calls were thinning out as were the I.M’s. It slowly dawned on me that my infatuation with her was largely based on the fact that we hadn’t done anything sexual yet. My fantasies of what that might be like what was keeping me going.

She was not my kind of person at all. We had different expectations from a relationship. Meanwhile from experience, I figured I had to break it off because if the physical eventually did happen, the ‘relationship’ might stall and chances were that she would resent me. As if by telepathy, that same week Miss Thing sent me a text that ended with ‘let’s just be friends…’ I wondered what informed her decision.

The left part of my brain agreed with her and heaved a sigh of relief. She made it easy for me. However the right side of my brain that I use to imagine things was seriously annoyed. I had pictures in my head of things I wanted us to do together. More so, I should break up with her not the other way round. My ego took a huge dent.

Which was probably a good thing because we could have forced a relationship that would have been doomed from the get-go. Our friendship was just that- friendship. Adding a new dimension to it would be a mistake and we could end up hating each other. I have been smart enough a few times to end certain romances before they even start.

There are people that I want to be friends with and if my amorous thoughts towards them have to remain in my head, then so be it. Funny enough that my friend contacted me this last week, apologizing for ‘breaking my heart’. My laugh was long and genuine. ‘Don’t worry about it darlin’, I told her. Game recognize game…

Let’s take a poll. I know I am not the only one who has heard or said those pesky four words. Share with us below what you REALLY mean when you say to someone ‘let’s just be friends.’ Do you mean:
(a)    I’m too nice to tell you to go to hell
(b)    I don’t want to date you but I also don’t want it to be awkward
when we run into each other
(c)    You are so not my type
(d)    We could be friends with benefits
(e)    I do actually value your friendship even though we are not
romantically compatible.

Feel free to use a pseudonym so that the somebody won’t know it’s you.

Cheers!

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.