Opinion: Of married men and single ladies

by Mister Mo

black-man-with-two-women

While there are women who would rather have a man to themselves or not have him at all, there are others who see the value in sharing.

When Funke Akindele got married recently, there was a lot of noise from certain quarters who felt that she had ridiculed humanity. As far as they were concerned, she was a disgrace because she ignored all the single guys available and opted to marry a man who was already married. For the most part, I kept quiet and just enjoyed the drama.

funke akindele and husband

Today, someone pointed me to a statement credited to Nollywood actress, Lola Alao. I do not know the source of the statement, as the website I was pointed to provided no source. So, I am taking it at face value that she did make the statement. Here it is:

“Let me explain something to you; where are the single guys? They are there and not ready to marry. If the single guys are not ready then the next available option should be taken. I believe one should go for whatever makes one happy. If a married man is the one that will make you happy, please go for it. I know married women would be angry with me but it is the truth of the matter”. [Source]

Now, it was the comment passed by the writer of that article that pushed my button. This: “Is this runs girl [abi runs woman] is trying to push other ladies into fire?”

What Fire?

Lord help me. Where do I start from? First, I do not know either Funke Akindele or Lola Alao personally. We have never met. They probably are unaware that I exist at all, as they live in a world far removed from the one in which a lesser mortal like myself lives. Why am I writing this article? Someone needs to speak up on behalf of polygamists and against this public abuse of their fundamental rights. I write because I am firmly convinced that polygamy is nothing to be ashamed of. Now, on to the subject matter.

This generation’s fixation with painting polygamy as evil irks me. It is sickening and I have never hidden my disgust for it. There is not one argument against polygamy that holds water. At the end of the day, it boils down to the fact that certain individuals have been indoctrinated into believing that it is a no-go area. Simple.

As I am a Christian and seeing that religious indoctrination is a big problem in church circles, let me deal with the Bible-thumpers first, so I can move on. Polygamy is not a sin. I have preached and taught this from the pulpit (yes; to the chagrin of many listeners), as it is clear to me that the Bible does not classify polygamy as sinful in any way. My position on the subject is clear. It is not. No; please don’t ask me to point you to references in the Bible. That’s what you have a personal Bible for. Go dig. If the truth is important to you, invest in getting it.

Polygamy has been here since the dawn of time, and while some modern women may kick against it as much as they like, it is not going away. Feminists have unsuccessfully tried to portray polygamy as something that men imposed on society for thousands of years. However, it has been proven again and again that polygamy is not something that men have always forced down women’s throats. Look around you, there are women who are agreeable to it. They are not forced into it. They walk into it with their eyes open and with the support of their families.

While there are women who would rather have a man to themselves or not have him at all, there are others who see the value in sharing. They would rather be a part of the life of the man they love (or want) than not be in his life at all. Some call it settling for second best. I think that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Perhaps it is settling for second best for some. It is fulfilling for others.

Many of those complaining about a single lady opting to marry a married man have not been able to hold any man down in a relationship for more than three months at a stretch. They have failed again and again at love or at relationship management. Then they see someone who has succeeded at love (or at least appears to have) and they just cannot find a place in their hearts to be happy for them, just because she has chosen to share.

Some of those complaining too are married women who have failed at keeping their men (oh, I know I am going to get eaten up for this). These are those who go about calling single ladies “husband snatchers”. When you say someone snatched your husband, how exactly? Was it a kidnap operation? Was he drugged and carried off? Was he compelled at gunpoint? I am sorry, but what happened is that your husband chose someone else over you, and don’t tell me that he did so because you were 100% faultless. But that is a topic for another day. My point, however, is that people should take responsibility for their failings in relationships instead of blaming others. Just imagine an entrepreneur whose business fails and who then goes about blaming his competitors. Excuse me?

I have spoken with scores of women who would rather share in love than have no love at all. They are happy and fulfilled, as have many women in such situations through thousands of years have been. I salute people who are able to embrace this way of life. Not that I have any issues with those who opt for monogamy. It is just that the latter is widely accepted in modern society today and so need no salutations from anyone.

Here is a quick quote from my earlier article, Another Look At Marriage:

We all have seen polygamous homes that have lasted through the years, and monogamous unions that failed in 3 months. Yes; polygamy has its issues, just like monogamy does. It is my belief that what path an individual chooses is entirely their prerogative.

We all know the problems associated with long-distance relationships; don’t we? Yet people still engage in it. Choice. We know the problems associated with long courtship; don’t we? Yet, some people still go down that road. Choice. Heck, We all know the problems associated with marriage itself, yet most people still want to get married. Choice.

So, the issue is not that a particular model has this or that problems. Humanity has never stayed away from anything because it poses problems. People still fly despite the issues associated with flying. People still sail till today. Why the hypocrisy around polygamy?

Back to Lola Alao’s statement. She said, “If a married man is the one that will make you happy, please go for it.” As long as the man in question wants her too, why not?

Polygamy is a valid choice for marriage as much as monogamy is. I am happy for Funke Akindele, as she has found love, something that eludes many people. Should Lola Alao or anyone else for that matter find love and chose to share, my warm wishes are with them.

 

This article was originally published at Mister Mo’s blog

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Maverick Polymath, Owned over 80 mobiles & counting, Founder MOBILITY.com.ng, Agony Uncle, Music lover and one part of The Karaoke Sound. Follow him on Twitter @Mister_Mobility, on LinkedIn at YomiAdegboye, and circle him on Google+. His personal blog is kept at MOBILITY.com.ng/Mister.

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

Comments (2)

  1. Truth hurts….but this is the truth! I was raised in a polygamous home, and I guess its one of the reasons I have a large heart now! I love my step siblings as much as I love my full siblings. Wateva single girls do, they jus must ensure they do nt encourage the man to shirk his duties to his first home! I have ntg against polygamy, first things first…BE HAPPY!

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