Opinion: Where are the single ladies with an iota of feminine dignity?
by Dolapo Aina
Galatians 5:19-21 says, “the acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impunity and debauchery, idolatry and witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy, drunkenness, orgies and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”
There seems to be this belief that young men in Nigeria seem to know the values they are searching for in ladies and that a lot of single ladies (not all) don’t know or have a clue which core values to safeguard for marriage. This writer wants to believe this isn’t so, but snapshots of the prevailing moral or point-blank sexual decadence are pretty difficult to ignore as it gives credence to the aforementioned notion.
This isn’t a sermon but an article that might cause rancorous uproar among women or rather amongst frustrated feminists. But if people are candid enough, they would see reason with this article. This writer has been observing a trend which is becoming a norm. As a reader, kindly mull over this article before making the decision to reply. How valuable do single ladies in Nigeria and Lagos in particular take their womanhood (not excluding their busts, backsides, lips, thighs) taking into cognisance what is viewed on MTV and BET?
An article on morality and values relating to sex has never been this writer’s preferred forte, not because it isn’t a pertinent albeit a touchy theme but because this writer hadn’t deemed it literally obligatory to put thoughts (which have been vocalised to close friends and associates whether born again or passive Christians) into crystal, clear cut, ungrandiloquent, no-holds-barred words. But with recurrent observations, the silence is deafening and can no longer be muted. There seems to be a drastic paradigm shift here, it is more like the current currency-there seems to be no Godly, moral, ethical value placed on their private parts. Among a lot of secular young single ladies (I want to assume only secular), it seems “where-the-sun-don’t-shine” is no longer viewed as anything sacred/ sacrosanct. Sex (for the slightest of reasons) seems not to be so big a deal anymore. Seems not to be incongruous but rather blatantly ubiquitous – threesome, foursome even fivesome (mind you with only one male seems to be in vogue, in fact is in vogue).
Succinctly put, where are the single ladies with an iota or sprinkle of dignity? Before some ferociously furious and frustrated feminists (majority of whom don’t practise what they proselytise) begin to sharpen their collective pens to conjure seething and hazy comments and send this writer mails, let’s clarify one misconstruction.
A single gentleman or lady can be extremely smart and intelligent and not be dignified. Sometimes, single ladies might wonder why their boyfriends don’t accord them the respect they deserve. In simple English, a being can lose every material possession but don’t lose or discard your dignity and to be blunt, womanhood. Once that is lost, no boyfriend would accord a lady any respect. This subtle loathing (which the man might be unaware of) isn’t discovered till there is a serious argument. Most young men won’t say this but it has to be said, no man truly and deeply appreciates a lady he has had carnal knowledge of outside of marriage(though he might not know this. If he does appreciate the lady, the lady has to be extremely special and this is in rare cases). Ladies who live with their boyfriends should at least save face.
It is a generalised opinion/advice that when a married man beats his wife, the lady should stay clear of the man until cooler heads have sorted out the issue-if it can be sorted out. But when a boyfriend batters his girlfriend, the hasty generalised opinion by all and sundry is for the lady to go her way (maybe until both have changed their ways and have become closer to God). Everyone jumps to this bandwagon of conclusion that what would transpire when both are married? But with current trends (without statistics), tend to indicate that several young ladies are in such precarious and delicate quagmires and rather than keep a distance and clear their heads with sound advice from sincere and God-fearing parents, counsellors and the “I-don’t-care-whose ox-is gored” type of friends, keep what dignity, self-esteem and self-worth is left in them, still return to their vomit (and sadly, with legs still wide open). Sex doesn’t cover up pertinent issues. Single ladies should reason logically like their male counterparts (bachelors) in matters of the heart.
A single lady ought to be a virtuous individual, her womanhood-a no go area and shouldn’t be valued or bought by money, Mr Biggs or KFC take-away packs or well-crafted tried and tested words and “attitudinal swag”. But sadly so, the current trends indicate that a lot single ladies seem not to value their womanhood. They seem to think and believe they are having fun but really who is really having fun but the men? Who becomes pregnant for 9 months without any emotional support et al? Who goes under the doctor’s knife for an abortion? Who solely takes care of the child? And if the man marries the lady he slept with before marriage, who is covertly or overtly loathly termed a used cargo? Someone has to tell these ladies who think they are “having a nice time in the sun” that they are debasing, devaluing, degrading, destroying and demystifying their core essence.
It is no longer uncommon to hear, see or know of 17,18, 19 year females who are supposed to be studious in their universities having wild parties with men old enough to be their fathers and grandfathers. Or posses of young single ladies who “entertain” young or old men. Or the increasing rate of young males who are gays and girls who swing both ways, which is a different theme on its own. Parents have an enormous task ahead but it appears a lot are grossly ignorant of happenings and if they aren’t oblivious, don’t know how to go about remedying such situations. Parents ought to inculcate the values of feminine dignity into their wards both males and especially females. And not trying to mend a faulty relationship not based on morally religious foundations and principles. It doesn’t work. If a couple are aware of the fact that their busy schedules can’t accommodate child-raising, then pray to God not to have any child so that no child would grow up not to have self-worth.
Fathers ought to be the head of the homes. Unarguably, there is a problem but if parents don’t do anything about it they would come to the sordid realisation that “those who drink to sink their sorrows must know that sorrow knows how to swim”. Ladies who have devalued or are still in the process or business of devaluing their womanhood should realise that “if you are running away from your problem, you are only elongating the distance to the solution”. Young men not ready to settle down should stop messing up the delicate minds of young single ladies. Old men and especially married men utilising their financial strength to out-muscle young men in order to entice financially handicapped ladies should take care of their homes and especially their daughters-who to their surprise, dismay and chagrin might already be well-versed in the art of Kama Sutra.
Galatians 6:1 says- “brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted”. While this piece isn’t about recrimination since no one is perfect, this writer might get criticism for the article but someone has to call a spade its rightful name- a spade! No right-thinking bachelor can respect such ladies-ladies without an iota of female dignity.
Several months or years down the line, it would be discovered to their chagrin and dismay that these Stellas never really did get their groove and might not get their groove back if their paths aren’t retraced and genuine salvation isn’t sought. Same also goes for the multitudes of Casanovas. Enough said.