by Stanley Azuakola

Last week, Nigerian politicians gave very dodgy statements that both amused and annoyed us.

Senator Victor Ndoma-Egba argued that changing the name of the Nigerian Police Force was the answer to their many operational problems, Eight PDP governors and President Jonathan proved they could use Primary two spelling tests to make their cases and Petroleum Minister, Diezani Madueke not only said that only government is permitted to have cabals but argued that the fuel subsidy must go so government can buy the poor people generator sets…what happened to just giving us  good ol’ electricity?

 

“Since the OBJ third term bid, Nigerians have not had any issue to successfully unite against; we know it’s paining them, so we brought up this subsidy removal matter to unite Nigerians.”  -Petroleum Minister, Diezani Madueke

 

Police Service to replace Police Force

Senator Victor Ndoma-Egba, has argued that the Nigerian Police Force can only be transformed if its name is changed. He therefore sponsored a bill which seeks to rename the Nigerian Police Force as the Nigerian Police Service. “To teach officers that police work is not by force, but by service,” he said. The senator gave examples of instances where the change of name has led to renewal, like in Niger and Edo States where the new titles of their governors are servant-leader and comrade governor respectively. This he claims has led to unprecedented servant-hood and camaraderie. He also mentioned PHCN whose name change from NEPA has led to breathtaking improvement.

 

No good luck for Sylva

Eight PDP governors met with President Jonathan last week to plead on behalf of Gov. Timipreye Sylva who was disqualified from contesting in next year’s Bayelsa governorship polls. Spokesman of the group, Gov. Amaechi said: “Mr President, it is no coincidence that eight of us came. There are eight letters in the word ‘Goodluck.’ We believe that our brother and colleague would find good luck here today.” The president was not amused by their approach and berated them for trying to “wash” him. He asked that Gov. Sylva excuses himself from the meeting so he could tell the remaining why he was against Sylva’s candidacy. “It’s no coincidence that it is now just seven of you remaining,” he told them after Sylva left, “There are seven letters in the word ‘Bayelsa.’ I believe that your brother and colleague, is bad for Bayelsa, full stop.”

 

Diezani dazzles senators

At a hearing last week, Petroleum Minister, Diezani Madueke, had members of the Senate Committee on Upstream lapping up her every word with awe. The senators had to plead with her to just take a bow and go, so as to give them time to digest her flawless logic. “Before I leave to attend to more pressing matters,” she said to them, “let me just give you only five reasons why you must support subsidy removal.”

1. Only a small private cabal benefits from subsidy, and under a gentleman’s agreement, only government is permitted to have cabals.

 

1. Poor people are too poor to afford cars, therefore subsidy must go so that government can use the money to buy infrastructure like cars and generator sets for them.

 

 

1. Since the OBJ third term bid, Nigerians have not had any issue to successfully unite against; we know it’s paining them, so we brought up this subsidy removal matter to unite Nigerians.

 

1. It is fairer to remove subsidy than slash legislators’ salaries, after all minimum wage was increased to N18000, yet legislators did not see one naira added to their fifteen million naira quarterly allowance.
2. It is unfair that fuel is more expensive in other West-African countries, whereas as giants of the region Nigeria should be paying giant prize.

Crowned Clown (CeeCee) Of the Week

Ever since he sidled from the PDP into the so-called “progressive” ACN, former member of the House of Representatives, Dino Melaye, has been claiming to be a “progressive.” It is that false sense of progressive by association that made him mount the podium at a Kogi ACN rally and confess to helping rig elections in the past for the PDP. Those who know the rambunctious Melaye would tell you that he was only acting true to character. A Pinch…is however let down by men like Fashola and Oshiomhole who shared the podium with Melaye and till now haven’t released a word of condemnation; the media which failed to give the news the kind of prominence it deserves; and the police which keeps mute while a self-confessed rigger prides in his malfeasance. It goes without saying that Dino Melaye is a clown, handing him the CeeCee today is just making it official.

 

Follow A Pinch…on twitter @stanleyazuakola

[email protected]