by Rume Ogufere

”When a man is pulling away, this is not the time to talk or try to get closer”

When men pull away, they can stretch only so far before they come springing back. A rubber band is the perfect metaphor to understand the male intimacy cycle. This cycle involves getting close, pulling away and then getting close again … Men instinctively feel this urge to pull away, it is not a decision or choice; it just happens and bear in mind that it is neither his fault nor her fault. It is a natural cycle.

When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer (Trust me, I have experienced this first hand). Women misinterprete a man’s pulling away because generally, we pull away for different reasons like hurt, the fear of being hurt, or simply when our man has done something wrong or has disappointed us.

However, what we women should know is, this pulling away mechanism enriches a relationship because when your man comes springing back he comes with so much love and care. Though our normal reaction would be to panic, because we are not sure why he has decided to pull away; but please don’t panic because that puts him under pressure and he is likely to keep pulling away.

A woman will unconsciously sense when a man is pulling away and precisely at those times, she will attempt to re-establish their intimate connection and say “Lets talk”. When a man is pulling away, this is not the time to talk or try to get closer. Let him pull away, after sometime, he would return. He would act loving and supportive and will act as though nothing has happened. This is the time to talk … this is the Golden time. Though at this time, women are usually scared to talk because the last time she wanted to talk, he pulled away. So, now she is confused, is he ready to listen?

Men generally don’t realize how their sudden pulling away, only to return later, affects women. A wise man grows to understand his own cycle and reassures his lady when he pulls away, that he would be back. A wise woman learns not to demand that a man talks, but asks that he truly listens to her. She trusts that he will gradually open up more and listen to her. A wise woman does not give up, she patiently and lovingly persists, knowing that few women have done same.

Hang on lady, you have not lost him yet … Insecurity kills relationships. Choose knowledge and wisdom.
——————————————————–

Rume Ogufere is a professional nail designer/technician. She loves cooking and tweets from @IRepBloom

30 Days, 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija