by Emily Mitchell
At first, you’ll have less time to hang together like you did before the relationship, but that doesn’t mean all is lost. “Your friendship might become more dependent on technology—texts and emails, fantasy leagues, sending articles.
You’ve seen it before—guy meets girl, guy gets girl, and guy seemingly falls off the face of the Earth. Odds are you’ve lived it out at some point. Pulling a disappearing act with your friends when you are first involved with her is common.
But it has costs. In fact, an Oxford University study revealed that a guy loses an average of two people from his core group of friends when he enters a romantic relationship.
Be careful, as romances can come and go. It’s best not to burn bridges with your buddies over one flame. Striking a balance between bro time and your new fling can be tricky—but it can be done. Here’s how you can manage the balancing act.
SET GROUND RULES
You just met somebody—she may even be the one—so you want to spend more time with her. Just make sure you pals know that’s how you feel about her, too. If you communicate how much time you think you’ll be devoting to her early on, it allows them to adjust their expectations of you and prevents them from thinking you’ve gone MIA.
Just don’t expect all your friends to be on board at first. “Accept that your best friends might feel jealousy or rejection,” says Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., the Friendship Doctor columnist for Psychology Today. “Keep in mind the person entering a relationship has been enriched, while the other people will have a loss.” And if your buddy isn’t happy for you, you might not have a healthy friendship to begin with. He may be too dependent or needy—in that case, you may want to re-evaluate your friendship or make it clear that you’re not trying to shove him out of your life forever.
CONNECT IN NEW WAYS
At first, you’ll have less time to hang together like you did before the relationship, but that doesn’t mean all is lost. “Your friendship might become more dependent on technology—texts and emails, fantasy leagues, sending articles,” says Levine. Spending time together may become more difficult, so develop rituals with your friends via tech, like playing Madden one night a week, a Gchat check-in at the end of your work day, or even a quick FaceTime while you’re both watching a game.
GET HER IN YOUR CREW
Instead of keeping the relationships in separate spheres, involve your friends in your new relationship, says Levine. Bring her along to an event you know you all will enjoy. For example, if she’s really into baseball, have her come along when you meet your buddies for a tailgate and game. She’ll get to know your friends in a friendly environment. Don’t bring her along to poker night or Xbox tournaments.
DOUBLE UP
Obviously bringing just one pal along on a date can be awkward as the third wheel, but if the possibility for a double date is there, go for it. Double dates with another couple greatly strengthen your friendship, reports a new study from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology. The research of 150 couples showed that being on a double date—whether it’s dinner out or at home—allows for more intimate conversation. And it has a hidden benefit: it gets her hotter for you while also getting you time with your friend. Couples claimed afterward that this kind of date increased the passion in their relationship because they learned more about each other. Bonus!
BENEFITS OF GUYS’ NIGHT
Both people in the relationship should be working to maintain their friendships, says Levine. This keeps either partner from becoming too dependent on the other. So when you have a night planned with the guys, suggest that she plan something with her girlfriends. Plus, you can legitimately claim that guys’ night is good for your health. An Oxford University study found that men who got together twice a week were healthier, recovered from illness more quickly, and tended to be more generous. (You can also reinvent your guys’ night with a few simple tips.)
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Read more in Men’s Health
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.
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