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Someone, please cut off Osaze’s fingers – and more, in today’s news round-up with Cheta Nwanze

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by Cheta Nwanze

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If you are new to this morning tonic, you can view previous pieces here.

Please can someone do poor Osaze Odemwingie a favour and cut off his fingers? His frequent outbursts on Twitter, though becoming the stuff of legend, are also VERY embarrassing.

Hand on heart, I used to be a bad football fan. Those who knew me back in the late 1990s would tell you about how I would drop everything I was doing in order to watch a football match, or travel for a football match. But those were the days when I was not yet mature. Nowadays, well, there are things to do, and money to be made, and the realisation has also set in that for the average footballer, a loss as an example, is simply a bad day at the office, the type that we all have on occasion. So what is the point of getting myself all depressed and worked up when Obi Wan Kenobi lays one of his many sideways passes? However, being a football fanatic is something that never actually leaves the bloodstream, so on occasion, I do find myself getting worked up when Obi Wan Kenobi lays one of his many sideways passes, which is why I’d kneel and thank the Almighty that Wan Kenobi has yet to score an own goal. Now that would complicate things. Own goals, sad as they may be, come in different forms. One of which is taking to Twitter to rant and rave against the people who pay for your daily bread, and in the process, scaring away other potential daily bread providers. Please can someone do poor Osaze Odemwingie a favour and cut off his fingers? His frequent outbursts on Twitter, though becoming the stuff of legend, are also VERY embarrassing.

As I said earlier, own goals come in different forms, and many of them could be caused by assorted suits trying to please various #OgasAtTheTop. Thus it was, that yesterday, one of the many birds that oversee Nigeria’s airspace scored a spectacular own goal. Now let us look at the facts: in June of last year, a plane belonging to Dana Air went down. The following day, in a typically Nigerian knee jerk reaction, Dana Air’s right to fly was revoked. A few months later, after a lot of losses, and a lot of checks on their remaining aircraft, and a lot of other assorted events, Dana Air’s right to fly, was restored with much fanfare. Dana, on their part, went all PR on us. Despite a lot of denials on their part, that initial flight that contained a lot of celebrities still looks very suspiciously paid for. Anyways, since the restoration of their right to fly, I have flown Dana, of course, encouraged by the cheap tickets on offer. I must say, that the flight was comfortable, even though the bread served was more Agege class, but we can let that slide. Then suddenly, and with no reasons given, Dana’s right to fly was removed again yesterday.

What I find very interesting are the various reasons given for the suspension. There’s the claim that the airline was suspended because of an issue with the batteries on one of its aircraft. If that is true, then kudos to the biggest bird for ordering the suspension. However, one has to ask questions regarding Aero Contractors and the fact that they are not airborne. You see, in a country where the majority of the (upper) middle-class are dependent on the skies to move around (don’t blame us, blame the roads), then air travel cannot be left alone just like that. While one cannot understate the importance of safety, it is of vital economic importance to keep as many airlines in the air as possible. A situation where Arik becomes our only airline, and then begin to strand passengers at the airports for ever is simply unacceptable. Think of the lost man hours, and according to the old maxim, time is equal to money.

But then again, one has to wonder whether our middle class is worth any fight or any comfort. The lazy, selfish buggers think only of themselves and their immediate comforts as evidenced in Abuja’s local elections last Saturday. And these are the people who want to dump the PDP out of power in 2015? I laugh in Igbo…

Bits and bobs

In Ijaye-Ojokoro, Nneka’s protruding stomach was ample proof that she was not a robber; Eze, 46, had no such luck, so cops shot him.

Apparently, our telecoms sector has gulped US$25 billions in the last decade and half. I wonder why my calls still can’t hold beyond the 8 minute mark.

Residents of Isolo in Lagos will heave a sigh of relief as someone has noticed that the mortuary there needs a refrigerator.

Ben Figo is an excellent writer. He is also an excellent guzzler of beer. He proves both in this excellent blog about his 30-hour train ride from Lagos to Kano.

Right of reply

Jide Oyede wrote,

Dear Cheta
My take on the pardon is: why don’t you pardon my former MD, Mrs Cecilia Ibru. She was a hardworking woman with vision too. She is also a mother, separate from the shylock MDs that we have in the Industry now. Afterall she has also forfeited some of the things she was ‘alleged’ to have stolen.
Thank you.

Chxta replies,

Why are you guys so angry about #DSPAlams? The Prez’s mercy has no limits. Apparently, he also pardoned a gay rapist.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.


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