Someone wants to arrest ThisDay staff – and more, in today’s news round-up with Cheta Nwanze

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by Cheta Nwanze
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If you are new to this morning tonic, you can view previous pieces here.
Jobs are one of the big problems we have in this country, what with our rather high unemployment rate and rising population. However, it is great to hear that the Contract Sharing Committee is taking this issue seriously. Yesterday, the country’s chief parrot informed us that 195,534 new jobs had been created as a direct result of contracts shared around last year. Not yet enough to make a dent in the 67 millions unemployed according to the NBS, but a start nevertheless, one for which the CSC must be applauded.Another round of applause goes to Big Wig, Okon Abang for upholding INEC’s decision to stop providing employment for 28 chop-I-chop groups. You see, because INEC gives each chop-I-chop group a hefty sum whenever the time for us to go and stand in the sun comes around, some had seen the whole chop-I-chop thing as a very nice little gig to be had. As a result, they simply would register chop-I-chop group, and wait for the next standing in the sun cycle, collect upwards of 50 big ones, then vanish until the next cycle. 50 big pieces of free dosh is not a very bad return you know.

What I found interesting in the reportage of Big Wig Abang’s declaration, was the difference in presentation by This Day and by Premium Times. You see, on one little fact, both media houses agree. That little fact is that Big Wig Abang upheld INEC’s right to stop paying money to chop-I-chops that don’t make the cut. But Premium Times published another part of Big Wig’s declaration which This Day’s reporter was not present in court to hear. According to Big Wig Akpan, “ThisDay have been misrepresenting the decision of this court in their newspaper. They will not look for the truth, they will only hear one side of the story to please whoever is paying them.” He went further to promise that he’ll order the arrest of This Daystaff at some point. Expect Uncle Nduka to dust up his passport some 50 days after the order has been given then.

Speaking of dusters, the country’s new Armoured Personnel Carrier has decided to adopt the ACN’s broom as it’s standard. According to the merger committee (yes, another committee!), the broom is, err, the most suitable and appropriate at this point in time. Tell that to those unfortunates in Badia East who probably needed umbrellas following that rather nice rainfall a few nights ago. In any event, I’d love to suggest a motto for the APC: Naija o’ni baje o…

Baje, a very interesting word, is what could be applied to Ladipo Spare Parts Market. Depending on who you are listening to Ladipo only “bajed” a few days ago when it was closed down by assorted uniforms on the command of assorted suits in Lagos, or Ladipo has been “bajed” for a very long time. Personally, I’m on the side of those who say that the place (like much of Lagos) has been “bajed” for a very long time. I also think that they did not go far enough in closing the place down. I’m also unhappy at those who are trying to make the closure of that eyesore an ethnic issue, when clearly it is not. Next step, is to go and find the new spare parts market. An electronic panel in my car was cleaned by Monday night’s rain.

Speaking of people who make every little issue an ethnic one, one of our gavels yesterday showed facts to back his assertion. You see, the PIB, which most agree is needed, has stalled in the Senate because there are clear ethnic divisions over which direction it would go. Northern Senators do not want it, Southern Senators want it. Yesterday, South-South gavel, Ita Enang, said that 83% of the oil blocks within Nigeria’s boundaries are owned by people who originate from areas north of the Lugard-Niger-Benue line. Asked by Senate Big Gavel, David Mark, himself originating from the north of the Lugard-Niger-Benue line, to prove his allegation, Enang promptly whipped out a spiral bound and properly printed document to back up his position  To be honest, I can only applaud him. That’s how it’s done. Back up your claims with facts. Now, I’m off to check out whether 195,534 new jobs were really created last year.Bits and bobs

Nine people were arrested yesterday for learning how to make bombs. My suggestion: being that UNION-DICON is not functioning optimally, why not second the nine there? Kind of the same way we tend to waste all of those operators of “illegal refineries” in the Delta rather than tapping into their talents. Stevie J must be looking down on Nigeria from the big Apple factory in the sky and shaking his beards at our propensity to waste talent.

Okada riders in Benin went singing to Comrade Governor’s residence yesterday. They are fed up of paying taxes. Ban them I say. It’s time Benin got a sampling of the Lagos Fitness Programme. I’ve lost a few kilos myself.

He-of-the-Sunday-Sunday-goal has weighed into the controversy surrounding what team he plays for. Speaking with assorted members of the Ishiukwuato* Progressive Union wielding machetes in the village, Mba whimpered, “I signed a contract with Rangers even before I left for South Africa for the 2013 Afcon and I am surprised Wolves are saying Rangers have no right of ownership over me.” Nice one Sunday, but such decisions are usually made with pieces of paper as proof. Where is your copy of the contract.

Officials at the Murtala Mohammed International Zoo have been using torch lights to work it appears. Sahara Reporters gives us some more detail as to how a flight from Dubai was forced to divert to Togo. Apparently, the gens there have given up the ghost. As a public spirited citizen, can I offer my inverter? Also, I want to set up a parachute making industry. See market!

Right of reply

Dapo Okubanjo wrote,

First of all the name is Dapo not Doku and more importantly I was owed nine months salary (N830,000) by DBN until I decided I had had enough and took my destiny in my hand by moving on.Three years on the debt hasnt been paid even after I petitioned the NBC and the information minister.Now I’m considering a legal option

I need to add here that some of my former colleagues used Police,OPC etc to great effect.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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