Tag Archives: dating

why-do-men-cheat

Can you stick to one partner faithfully and be in love with no one else?

by Adedayo Ademuwagun

Lauren is dating two men named Tuck and FTR in the movie This Means War, but she doesn’t know they’re best friends and CIA agents.

As her romance with both men grows, she gets confused and meets her married friend Trish, played by Chelsea Handler, for some counselling.

“Do you think it’s possible to love two people equally?” she asks.

Trish answers, “Love, yes. Be *in love*, no.”

This Means War: Tuck meets FTR

This Means War: Tuck meets FTR

Sometimes it happens like that. A person would be very much in love with someone and then along the line they’d meet someone else and fall in love with that person. Then they’d wonder if it’s possible to be in love with two people simultaneously.

Most people think that this sort of thing is not really possible or genuine.

Nike says, “Personally, I believe it’s not possible. I don’t believe in loving two people at a time. There’s no way you’ll love two people the same way. You will always love one more than the other and that wouldn’t be fair to the person getting less love.”

Kolade also thinks so. He says, “You cannot truly love two people at once. And even if you think you do and want to justify that, there is no way to justify loving them at the same level.”

“I just don’t see how possible it is to be in love with two persons at a time,” says Bimpe . “I feel it’s the second person that person truly loves, because if that person truly loves the first, he won’t fall in love with the other.”

But what about people who are in multiple relationships and say that they truly love those people?

“Well it’s so easy to say you love someone,” says Bimpe. “Even if they don’t really mean it, they can say it just because of what they are after.”

Segun says, “If I’m dating a lady right now and I love her. Then I meet someone else who has some very good qualities that I like, I might fall in love with her in time, but it doesn’t mean I do not love the first lady anymore or that I didn’t love her in the first place. It just doesn’t make sense to say that.”

In This Means War, Lauren first meets Tuck on a dating site and falls in love with him, then she meets FTR at a video store and falls in love with him too. Eventually, she chooses FTR over Tuck.

“It may sound absurd,” says Bimpe, “but sometimes you might be in a relationship with someone and feel strongly that you love them. But after some things happen, you realise that you really didn’t love the person in the first place. It’s probably the second person you truly love.”

Being in love with two people may seem impractical. But what about sticking to one partner? Do people often to stick to one partner faithfully as a single or a married person?

Linda doesn’t think so concerning men. She says, “Promiscuity is to men what a uniform is to schoolchildren. Every one of them has that quality. It’s like a uniform for them.”

Like Linda, a lot of women believe that men are irremediably promiscuous.

"Promiscuity is to men what a uniform is to schoolchildren. Every one of them has that quality. It's like a uniform for them."

“Promiscuity is to men what a uniform is to schoolchildren. Every one of them has that quality. It’s like a uniform for them.”

Nkem says, “In life, men naturally aren’t content with one woman, and I’ve accepted that. That’s why I’m not bothered at all when my husband makes his secret moves. Sometimes I catch him, but as long as he doesn’t bring his girlfriends home and he takes proper care of his family, we’ll manage.”

Interestingly, even women who believe that nearly all men keep multiple relationships also agree that most women do the same.

“As a single lady,” says Jibola,”You cannot put all your eggs in one basket. You need to be assured that if one man disappoints, then you have ready replacement.

“Ladies don’t want to be left heartbroken at the eleventh hour. That’s why they keep many options. You know, men are unreliable. A friend of mine got engaged to this man and they were going to marry. Then at a time the man came up with some ridiculous explanation and called off the engagement.”

Nike believes that being faithful to one partner depends on how much you really love the person.

“Definitely it’s practicable. I practise it and I have friends who’ve been able to stick to one partner at a time. How it works is that you just love your partner so much you can’t cheat on them.”

“When you truly love someone without doubts, you find it hard to get attracted to someone else, let alone cheat.”

In the movie Confessions of a Marriage Counsellor, Judith is married to Bryce and dreams of being a big-time marriage counsellor. But she and Bryce are a young low-income couple, and although Bryce is a nice husband, he’s pretty unambitious.

Judith soon meets a wealthy young man at the office who, in the movie, is the third largest social media inventor since Mark Zuckerberg. They get close along the line, and he challenges her mentally and offers to finance her ideas. Then her relationship with Bryce becomes complicated. Eventually they split.

being faithful to one partner depends on how much you really love the person

Being faithful to one partner depends on how much you really love the person

In one scene, Judith tells Bryce, “You’re a good guy, but I don’t just want a good guy. I want a phenomenal guy — and you’re not phenomenal.”

Kolade says about this type of thing, “People can stay with one spouse or partner if they’re content with what they have got. But contentment is not easy. Humans are insatiable and always want to have something better. So when you meet a person that is better than your partner in ways that matter to you, naturally you get attracted. This is true for men and women too.

“One has to be spiritually conscious to keep to one partner, because, humanly speaking, it’s almost impossible. Rather it requires something extraordinary.

“It’s going to take great determination and fear of God to stay faithful to one partner. But you’ll have to be lucky to have or find that kind of partner today. To be honest, it’s quite a rare thing.”

Nosa Osas: Of love, choices and the ripple effect (30 Days, 30 Voices)

by Nosah Osas

 

IMG-20140623-01845

”We either choose to stay behind or move forward, there’s no middle ground.”

We are born, we live, we die, sometimes not necessarily in that order. We put things to rest to have them rise again. So if death is not the end, what can you count on anymore? Because you sure can’t count on anything in life. Life is the most fragile, unstable, unpredictable thing there is. Infact, there’s only one thing in life we can be sure of- our choice.

Every choice we make brings us further to the health, relationship and life we want. Every choice we make gives us a new opportunity to either learn, grow and evolve or stay stagnant, small and stuck. Every choice we make either opens the door to a new way of thinking, acting and behaving or pulls us further into an old belief system, pattern or way of living that no longer serves us. We either choose to stay behind or move forward, there’s no middle ground.

We make hundreds of choices such as what to eat, how we dress, how to relate to those around us, care for our body, nurture ourselves etc. For most of us, many of these choices are habitual, we fail to recognize that we choose to do them, thus we don’t even know we make them. The truth is we enter the world alone, we leave it alone, and whatever happens in between we owe it to ourselves to find a little company.

Everyone needs help, we all need support. Otherwise, we are in it all by ourselves. Strangers cut off from each other and we forget just how connected we are; so instead we should choose love, choose life. Our choices are like ripples, one simple ‘yes’ could cause a series of other events to happen.

———————————-

Nosah Osas loves taking pictures. She blogs at http://favourmoyse.blogspot.com

30 Days 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

Kemisola Adetola: Miriam’s crush (30 Days, 30 Voices)

by Kemisola Adetola

asxfcv

”The following week, she found a note in her locker, with a love tag.”

“Lights out!”

Finally, the most anticipated words Miriam had been waiting for came ringing in her ears, accompanied by the deafening sound of a bell. Her bed was by the window, the top bunk, so she got to bear the brunt of it. But tonight was different. She had been looking forward to that sound. Now she could let out those quiet sobs without raising anyone’s suspicion.

“Nobody wants me, oh- nobody wants me.” She cried.

Today had been the most embarrassing day of her life. She didn’t know whether to blame her friend or herself for being so gullible. Ella had convinced her it was no big deal.

“Miriam, just be bold for once and go tell him how much you like him!” Ella had said, immediately she had let the cat out of the bag, by admitting there was a boy in class she was ‘’gelling’’ for. Ella had been so excited for her, she had always teased her about not having a boyfriend. There were times Miriam would have to fake stories about meeting someone during long vacations, just to keep up with the rest of the girls.

Tonight, as she wallowed in her own tears that kept flowing like a broken reservoir, she kept analysing the event when she poured her heart to Max. The more she thought about it, the more intense the sob was. Max had spoken harshly to her. It was immediately after night prep, she had sighted him at the t-junction. It took her a lot of ‘pep talk’ and courage to walk up to him. Actually, she ran up to him.

“Hello Maxwell?” she had said still trying to catch her breath. No one in school ever called him that, except the teachers of course.

“Hey.” He frowned and kept walking, even faster.

Miriam felt she had to say something immediately; she could start by asking why he hadn’t accepted the friend request on Facebook, she had sent it when school was on vacation. She even let him take her seat at the dining table yesterday.

“Hmm, I think we-we should talk.” she stammered. She was sure she saw him wince, but he didn’t say anything. So she continued.

“I saw you at the games against class 2Emerald, that was really cool. Your knees must really hurt.” An opposing player had knocked him off. She went on for about thirty seconds and realised she had been blabbing and grinning sheepishly. Max hadn’t even take a look at her. Miriam had taken special care preparing for night prep. For the first time, Ella didn’t mind Miriam sharing her lip gloss and brown powder which she had sneaked to school. For some funny reason, she was convinced Max felt the same way about her. She had told Ella how she sometimes caught Max staring at her. Ella had laughed. Miriam was sure she wasn’t just imagining that, and to prove the point, Max had chosen her as his group-work partner at music class. She did it single-handedly, working all night to ensure their assignment was well done. Max would be so impressed and proud of me, she thought. She guessed he was, because they had scored second highest. Maybe I should let him know how I feel once and for all.

“Max, I know I shouldn’t be saying this, but I think I like you and- and, okay that’s it, I really like you.” Her heart was racing. A second passed, two seconds, three, he said nothing. She thought she would pass out. As she started again, he cut her off.

“I don’t know what you expect me to say, but I’m sure you do know I’ve got a reputation to protect.” He snapped.

She couldn’t believe her ears. “What does he even mean by that? Does he mean I’m not good enough for him?” With that thought, she cried till she fell asleep.

She awoke the next morning to the sound of the same bell, but this time it sounded annoying as usual. Today is Saturday, it’s social night. Everyone seemed to look forward to this night except her. She got to sit alone most of the time, and even when she made up her mind to take part in the activities, she just didn’t have the guts to do so, being the centre of attention and all of that. Wherever did that guts come from when to it came to Max?

Miriam’s imagination could be wild, she had read in a book that sometimes it’s insecurity that makes it so, when it comes to what people think about you. But she was sure this was for real. That morning, she could feel people staring at her. It was really uncomfortable. “Does everyone now know about it?” She wondered. What a shame that would be.

The following week, she found a note in her locker, with a love tag. It was from Max. She was so happy. She had heard and seen movies where girls her age got love notes from the best looking guy, now it was finally happening to her. She just couldn’t wait for the last class before recess to be over already! She wanted to be alone when reading her love letter, or so she likes to call it, where she could feel every word.

Oh my Maxwell…” She fantasized.

The geography teacher finally left, then she came back with a man that had started coming to the school to talk to everyone in the senior class about the Gospel. He came every Wednesday during assembly, but today of all days, he had missed his time and decided to come at that hour. “I must find a way to get out of here.” Miriam thought to herself. She signalled to Mrs Peters and she beckoned her to come.

“Excuse me ma, I have a serious headache. I need to get to the sick bay.” She cried.

“Oh quick, do you need someone to go with you?” she asked. That would have been Ella, but Miriam was sure she would have called someone from her class.

“No ma, I would be fine.” Immediately, she signed a pass for her to take to the sick bay. “Health prefect, please go with her.” She added.

“Oh no!” Miriam almost exclaimed aloud.

Finally, Miriam got to a room the matron showed her when she told her she would like to rest for awhile. She opened the note and it read:

                                                                                                   Hey Miriam,

I have considered what you said the other day.

Meet me up by the Common Well at 8:30pm.

Show me what you’ve got.

Whatever that meant, Miriam really didn’t care. All she wanted was to see Max as he had said. That meant she would have to find a way to leave the class before night prep was over, where Max would profess his love for her.

****

Again, Miriam was wrong. Max took advantage of her that night. Wherever people gather in two’s and more, she could bet they were talking about her, she felt ridiculed. She was grateful to God that the school authorities didn’t get to know about it, and she never spoke to Max till they graduated. He didn’t even care, he was a “feeler” (the most sophisticated guy). Everyone wanted to be around him, he was respected in school. Things also became rough between Miriam and Ella, but later on, they became friends again. Miriam was too intimidated to make friends. Ella was her only friend.

After graduation, she wondered what would become of her. Everyone seemed to be moving on but her. She was yet to get admitted into the University, no guy was asking her out despite her efforts to look her best with makeup tips from her only, well maybe true friend?

 ———————————-

Oluwakemi Adetola is a fresh Psychology graduate from the University of Lagos. This short story is one of the Collections of Short Stories for Teenagers and Young Adults  she is working on, and would be published next year. She is also currently working as a Content Developer at SESEWA.

30 Days 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

 

Favour Nosakhare: Catching the bouquet (30 Days, 30 Voices)

by Favour Nosakhare

aa bbb

”My friends and I had screamed ‘’BETRAYAL! Men are liars!’’ but the fact is, what if my friend wasn’t so cut up with the illusion of a perfect wedding and a perfect man?”

You know what they say about catching the bouquet?  You will be the next to say ‘’ I do”. Well, Kate caught the bouquet when we went for a wedding, and that marked the beginning of never ending wedding plans that her friends, including me, had to put up with.

Her wedding dress must be from Vera Wang, the ring has to be a diamond bearing her birthstone, he must be incurably romantic, go after her with the right trappings in place, extremely financially secure … blah blah blah. Sometimes we wondered where she got all her criteria from. She was determined to walk the aisle before any of us, and she did, but not with a dress from Vera Wang.

She met this charmer at the mall. Yes, he was handsome, generous with gifts and cash, the owner of a posh car, maybe comfortable financially and of course, very good with words. My friend didn’t get married until she had her second child outside wedlock, and alas the ‘Mr Perfect’ already had three baby mamas.  She was the lucky one to wear the ring (certainly not diamond).

My friends and I had screamed ‘’BETRAYAL! Men are liars!’’ but the fact is, what if my friend wasn’t so cut up with the illusion of a perfect wedding and a perfect man? What if she would have been patient and wasn’t focused on the money and ‘romance’? What if she had let go of her idealistic fantasies?

In my opinion, I think reality begins where romance novels end. Patience is indeed a virtue.

——————————–

Favour Nosakhare is a final year student of Pharmacy. She loves chocolate and laughter. She tweets from @dahliadona

30 Days, 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

 

What if your first dates gets REALLY bad? | 6 ways to exit (gracefully!)

by Brooke Hofer

 

dating-a-nigerian-man

 

First dates have loads of potential to be either rewarding… or disastrous. It takes a confident collegiette to take this first step toward a relationship!

 

Some would say that the benefits of going on a first date aren’t worth the potential risks: awkwardness, incompatibility, or extreme nervousness. However, taking the plunge and going on that date is definitely HC-approved. It may not go as swimmingly as you like, but you won’t have to live with regret and always be wondering, ‘What would’ve happened if I went out with that guy?’

Despite the possible gains, one of the major date deterrents for collegiettes remains the fear of the Bad Date. The Bad Date nearly always has an uncomfortable ending, as these collegiettes will attest:

“Bad dates are awkward all the time, but the endings are the worst, especially if he drove and is dropping you off at your house. I just cross my fingers and get out of the car and into my door ASAP so he doesn’t try and make a move!” – Briana, University of Missouri-Kansas City

“At the end of a date there’s always the inevitable, ‘So, will we see each other again?’ question hanging in the air. If the date sucked, then it is so awkward to know in the back of your head that you don’t want to pursue anything else with him.” – Emily, DePaul University

No doubt, a bad first date beginning makes for a less than pleasant bad first date ending. Luckily, it is possible to make your thoughts on the date and on your future – or lack thereof – with the guy clear without coming across as a mean girl or completely crushing his heart. And it’s important to remember that although ending the date is initially awkward, it WILL have an end and tomorrow will be the start of a new day (a day when you don’t have to redo your date).

But to make it easier before you get to the point when you’ve said your goodbyes, check out HC’s 6 ways for you to make the exit of your bad first date smooth without seeming stone cold!

During the Date

Yes, the key to a graceful exit begins before you reach your doorstep. If you follow your intuition, you will most likely realize that the date isn’t going well pretty quickly. Conversation will feel forced. You’ll be noticing some red flags. You’ll find yourself disagreeing with a lot of things the guy is saying. In general, you will just feel some unease as opposed to some spark. To have an un-dramatic exit from this situation, you can’t lead him on!

1. Keep Some Things To Yourself

To explain simply, don’t over-share or open up more than you would to a casual acquaintance. If you sense the date isn’t going well, don’t bring up intense things about your past or talk about all of your hopes and dreams for the future. Here’s why:

When you don’t want to go on a second date, he will just be confused. Why did you seem so comfortable talking about emotional topics if you weren’t connecting on a special level?
If he does take the fact that you’re not interested in a second date harshly, he will have loads of personal information about you to use against you. He may try to take something you say and twist it into a nasty rumor! (Which would be more proof that he wasn’t worth your time…)

There’s nothing wrong with making conversation. But, you may want to be on your guard with what you share—especially if you feel the date heading south. Stick to lighter topics like hobbies and favorites before you delve into family life and career aspirations.

2. Don’t Be a ‘Yes’ Woman

This goes for any date, not just a bad one. If you were talking to a friend and he or she said something that directly challenged your beliefs or opinions, you’d be honest with her about how you felt. Chances are if you’re on a good date, most of the things he will say won’t contradict your views. If you’re on a bad one, the odds of this may increase: “On one first date with a guy I went to church with, he asked me straight up about my feelings regarding gay marriage and abortion and told me all about how he felt. I’m sorry – to me those are really personal things to ask about on a first date. I just felt uncomfortable.” –Briana, University of Missouri-Kansas City

Obviously, getting defensive or angry when this happens is not the way to go if you want to avoid awkwardness. When you find yourself in this situation, be honest but not aggressive. Here’s a short and non-serious (unless you’re really intense about your ‘90s boy band allegiance) dialogue to give you an idea about how to respond if this happens:

Him: “*NSYNC was clearly the best boy band of the ‘90s. I honestly don’t get how anybody could listen to The Backstreet Boys. Their CD players must have been broken.”

You: “Well, I actually preferred The Backstreet Boys when I was younger. I think everyone just has his or her own music preferences though. I don’t have anything against *NSYNC fans!”

Though you’re unlikely to end up butting heads over pop music of decades past, the same principle applies: by being honest about your opinion, you aren’t leading him on to believe that you’re meant for each other. Plus, if it is meant to be, the fact that you don’t agree on everything wouldn’t be a turn-off for him.

3. Avoid Physical Contact

This one is pretty obvious. If you don’t feel that you have chemistry with a guy, don’t be overtly flirtatious. This means, don’t hold hands or put your hand on his arm when you’re talking with him. What’s the point of this besides leading him on? Physical contact is a sign that you’re enjoying yourself, so be careful not to lead him on when you aren’t!

If he’s making contact with you when you aren’t feeling the spark, chances are your night will only get worse. You didn’t sign up for this kind of discomfort when you agreed to go on the date but it’s easy to neutralize the situation. If he’s crossing that boundary, make him aware of it. Move your hand away or say something like, “I’m sorry, I’m just not comfortable with this right now!” and give him a smile to let him know that you don’t plan on biting his head off for attempting to hold your hand. It may be awkward in the moment, but you shouldn’t have to increase your discomfort just to get through the date.

At The End Of The Date

So, you’re on a date that’s winding down and you followed the previous guidelines: you didn’t get too personal, you were honest about your feelings, and you avoided bodily contact. He clearly wasn’t reading your signals and says:

If he still asks about a second date at the night’s conclusion (or even the next day via call or text) you’re going have to give him some tough love. You don’t have to go out with him again, so here are some ways to alleviate the awkwardness and make sure he gets the hint:

4. Say: You Don’t Have Time to Devote To Him

At first glance, this may seem counterintuitive because you made time to go on the date. But if you felt that the date was rough then you truly don’t have time to devote to him. You may not be too busy to go on a first date, but you ARE too busy to go on a bad second date. “In the middle of the semester, I really value my free time. If I were to go on a bad date, I would honestly consider it time wasted. Why would I go on another one that I knew was probably going to be bad when I could be hanging with friends or out looking for a new guy?” –Kylie, University of Kansas

How do you use this reasoning to escape your date with ease? Use these points to craft a good reason why the end of this date should be a permanent ending:

You put a lot of focus and effort into what you are involved in (e.g. your friend/family relationships, your work, your grades, your outside activities).

It is important to you that you maximize your time with the things you focus on.
So, you don’t think that you have the time to fit him into your life.

You don’t have to make it about him personally, but you don’t have to lie, either. He’s not important enough to you to justify carving time out of your busy schedule to go on another date. Worded nicely, he should understand.

5. Say: You Aren’t Looking For Commitment

Again, this reasoning could seem like a lie based on the fact that you went out on a date. But the fact that you aren’t looking for commitment WITH HIM is not a lie. Here are a few different things you can say to make this point in a nice way:

“I think you are a really great person, but I think that I might not be ready for the kind of relationship that you are looking for. Dating right now isn’t feeling as natural as I think it should feel.”

“I don’t know if I’m in a place right now that I would feel comfortable committing to dating you regularly. Based on my life right now, I want to approach dating casually so that I can decide if I’m ready for something more.”

“When a guy that I’d had a rough date with texted me about going out (again) a few days later, I told him, ‘Going out with you was a great experience, but I’ve realized that I just don’t see myself committing to this right now. I’m sorry and I hope we can still be friends!’ I felt bad, but I was being honest. I did not see myself in a relationship with him and hopefully he appreciated the fact that I wasn’t playing games.” –Kylie, University of Kansas

6. Say: You Don’t Think That You Are Compatible

Of all of these date-dodging options, we like this one the best. Why? Because it is the most straightforward. If you want to be graceful about ending your date, you’re doing him the biggest favor by being direct. If you don’t want to see him again, it helps to be honest about why. You weren’t comfortable because you lacked compatibility. If you can help him to see this too, he can use this as a learning experience when he asks someone else out next time (and so can you)! Next time you find yourself not clicking with the guy next to you, follow the advice of this collegiette:

“I’m a big advocate for not playing games and just being an honest person. Too often, people think honest and rude are synonyms, but as long as you’re nice, most guys will find honesty refreshing. I went on a date this past Saturday and when he asked me out again at the end I said, ‘I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you, but in the future I’d like to hang out as friends.’ I know from lots (and lots) of experience how frustrating mixed signals can be, so I would never want to do that to someone else.” –Michelle, Emerson College

And what if you follow these tips (making it clear you don’t want to go out again) and he STILL goes in for a kiss at the end?

“A guy I was on a horrific date with tried to kiss me when he walked me back to the door. I think some people would’ve just let it happen, but there was no way I was going to do that. You shouldn’t have to kiss someone and be super uncomfortable just because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. Dodge it! I just said something like ‘I’m sorry, I don’t feel comfortable with that.’ If he isn’t a jerk, he will respect that.” –Emily, DePaul University

There you have it, collegiettes! If you keep these six things in mind on your next date (which hopefully won’t be horrible), you won’t have to deal with an even-worse second date. The key is to make sure you aren’t leading him on. If he still isn’t getting it at the end of the date, it’s important to be honest and direct about the fact that you aren’t interested in seeing him again. If he’s a good guy, he will understand and you both can move on to find your own happily ever afters!

——————————

Read more in Her Campus

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

Proudly African social network: It’s time to power your chat with MXIT… now in Nigeria

by Akintomiwa Agbaje

3987_Mxit Nigeria Blog-01

Joining Mxit, the free and proudly African social network, will allow you to chat to your friends on more than 8000 different devices, including feature phones, Android phones, iPhones, tablets and BlackBerry.

This means that you can stay connected regardless of which device you or your friends use. You can use the free Chat Zones to make new friends and talk to people all over Nigeria about topics ranging from sports to celebs, or look for shopping deals and jobs on some of the fresh local apps.

If this sounds like your cup of tea, download Mxit on your mobile device today to get started. http://m.mxit.com/4509

3987_Mxit Nigeria Blog-02

 

 

- To place an advertorial, email info@ynaija.com

10 things to avoid while trying to seduce a woman

by ANI

 

happy-black-couple1-378x350

 

If men don’t own and feel their sexuality, women are not going to feel it either.

 

Sex and dating coach Melanie Curtin – founder of vixen on the loose – has revealed ten things that men should avoid while hitting on women.

1. Men should avoid negging – also known as negative comments – women, as they only work on women suffering from low self-esteem, which means that it is manipulative, underhanded, and sometimes really mean, the Huffington Postreported.

2. Men should also avoid telling the women, they are trying to seduce, about the money they make.

3. Curtin also revealed that men who insult themselves are a put-off for women.

4. They should also avoid touching the woman’s lower back, elbow or shoulders.

5. Men should not assume that a woman does not like whiskey or that she doesn’t know anything about cars because she is a girl.

6. Women don’t like men, who is hitting on them, make fun of their friends.

7. If men don’t own and feel their sexuality, women are not going to feel it either.

8. Men should not try very hard to be funny as women can feel that men are racking their brain for the next funny/clever thing to say, which mean that they are not paying attention to the lady.

9. Women don’t like men who are cocky as cocky men are obsessed with the outside because deep down they are terrified that they have nothing of worth on the inside.

10. And lastly every effort of men does not always pan out and women do say no but men should not take it personally and then take it out on me.

——————————-

Read more in Times of India

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

11 ways to make your second date a success

by Angkush Bahuguna

 

african-american-dating1

 

It’s just the second time you’re meeting. Just because you kissed her on the first date doesn’t mean you’re supposed to kiss on the second date too. She may or may not feel like kissing you. Maintain your distance and treat her with respect.

 

The first date went great, eh? But that doesn’t mean the work is done – not until you begin dating. One wrong move and things can go haywire, anytime. The second date is as crucial as the first one, maybe even more. While the first date may have been great, you must know that getting through the second one without any goof-ups is an even more important step towards impressing her. You may have already heard a lot about the dos and don’ts of a first date. As you gear up for the next one, we bring to you 11 second date tips to make sure there is a third one.

1. Take Her To A New Place

If you’ve already been to a restaurant with her the last time, try out something new. The second date should never feel like déjà vu. Keep the setting contrastingly different, so she can see a totally different side of you. If the weather is pleasant, take her out in the open. If you take her for a film, make sure it is a genre she watches. Never force your choice upon her.

2. Pick Her Up

You may have met her directly at the restaurant the last time. But since this is the second time you’re meeting her, it is a good opportunity to personalize your date a bit more. Pick her up from home or meet her somewhere halfway. She shouldn’t feel like she is going on a blind date. Go together. This will allow you to spend some more time getting comfortable with each other.

3. Have A Part Two Already Planned

Surprise her with a second part of the date. Once you’ve watched the latest rom-com at the theatre, take her someplace else where you can spend a lot more time just talking. It could be your favourite café or her favourite place in the city that she may have mentioned in passing in the last date. Catch her by surprise and watch her get butterflies in the stomach. There is nothing like a pleasant surprise on a second date.

4. Touch Her Gently

If you see things going fine, you may try touching her flirtatiously. But be cautious towards her reactions. If she is game for it, try building a connection by touching her (appropriately). However, if she feels uncomfortable, back off the same second. Under no circumstances should you force yourself upon her.

5. Get Her A Gift

Is it a second date mandate? No. Is it necessary? No. Will she like it? Hell, yes! Buy something she’d like. It could be anything – from a chocolate to a perfume. It’s the gesture that counts. In fact, the more personal the gift is, the more she will want you. Build up a curiosity. Let her guess what it is. Unwrap it only at the end of the date.

6. Talk About Her

You must know when to stop talking about yourself. In fact, your second date should be focused on her. Make her feel important. Show interest in her. Ask her how her day went, and what are the latest happenings in her life. When she speaks, listen patiently.

7. Avoid Getting Too Sticky

Don’t ask too many personal questions. It is too soon to get to know everything about her. She shouldn’t feel like you’re intrusive. Ask general questions about family, work and life. Avoid sensitive topics that she may not be comfortable discussing with you yet.

8. Mention The First Date

This shows her that you’ve been thinking about the first date too. Ask her what she liked the most about your first date. Joke about how nervous you were that day. Help her open up to you and love you for your flaws. You could even ask her what she thought of you the first time you met. These topics always make for funny, interesting conversations.

9. Don’t Expect Too Much

It’s just the second time you’re meeting. Just because you kissed her on the first date doesn’t mean you’re supposed to kiss on the second date too. She may or may not feel like kissing you. Maintain your distance and treat her with respect.

10. Avoid Talking Of Exes

Ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends can be conversation killers. She probably neither wants to discuss her previous relationships nor does she want you to explain how many partners you’ve had till now. Take it slow. Don’t ruin the date because of past experiences that are not too fond to remember.

11. Say Something Nice

Ideally a second date should end in such a way that she cannot wait for the next one. Tell her you’re beginning to like her even more and see her blush. Ask her how she feels and end the date on an honest and heart-warming note. You want her to think of you the whole night, don’t you? Once the date is over, send her a message telling her how great the date was!

——————————

Read more in MENSXP

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

7 tips for getting through to a partner who doesn’t listen

by Lyndsie Robinson

 

Couple Cuddling

 

Getting through to a partner who doesn’t listen is frustrating, difficult, and likely to seem like an exercise in futility once you get exasperated enough. It’s not necessarily that your partner doesn’t want to listen to you; he or she may simply lack active listening skills.

Sometimes, of course, there are deeper issues at fault. Every relationship is different, so you’ll have to consider why your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend isn’t listening to you. Whatever the case, getting through to a partner who doesn’t listen isn’t impossible – it just requires some dedication and patience.

1. CONSIDER YOUR DELIVERY

How do you talk to your partner? Do you stage a frustrated ambush at the end of the day? Start complaining about something days after it happened, after it’s had time to build up and blow up? If you want to start getting through to a partner who doesn’t listen, you have to think about the way you approach the situation. Every person is different, and your partner may do better with a different delivery method. Think, too, about how you like to be spoken to, and try to approach your partner the same way.

2. TALK, DON’T LECTURE

Similarly, you need to watch the way you talk. Think about it: when someone is talking at you instead of with you or to you, how do you react? You can’t talk at your partner and expect him or her to actively listen. That’s insulting and condescending. This is your partner, not your child. Try not to lecture. This is about communication, it’s not about being right or wrong.

3. LISTEN

If you want someone to listen to you, then you have to listen as well. I know that when I’m feeling like the Better Half isn’t listening to me, I sometimes get all smug and self-righteous about my own listening skills. You can’t get on that train, because it won’t take you anywhere you really want to go. You need to listen to the things your partner says and the things your partner does not say – sometimes you can learn a lot in those silences.

4. DON’T BEAT A DEAD HORSE

Do you always try to discuss the same things? If your partner has a bad habit – never listening, being selfish, not doing the dishes, never putting down the toilet seat – and you’re not seeing improvement, it’s tempting to just keep coming back to that subject. However, then you get back into lecture territory and it’s likely that your partner will shut down. You definitely need to discuss ongoing issues, but don’t make it a constant topic of conversation. Even if you have to write a letter to get your feelings out, just avoid the temptation to lecture.

5. THINK ABOUT YOUR TIMING

When you talk is just as important as how you talk. As I briefly mentioned, starting in on something after you’ve both had long days just won’t work. You shouldn’t do it when your partner’s in the middle of something he or she enjoys, in a public place, or around friends or family members either. As with any other meeting, read your audience first.

6. STICK TO ONE SUBJECT

Don’t kitchen sink your relationship, ever. That’s not good for anyone. When you need to talk about a certain issue, stick to that issue. Don’t let a discussion about dividing the chores spiral into accusations about emotional unavailability, in-laws, or that time your partner forgot to pick you up from the office. Then you’re just letting resentments fly free, and you’ll both end up shutting down and getting angry.

7. MAKE TIME FOR DIALOGUE

Back to timing and knowing when to speak, you might have to schedule some time for a discussion. That’s fine – great, really. You aren’t dropping a huge, unexpected bombshell, and you’ll have time to put your thoughts together first.

—————————–

Read more in All Women Stalk

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

black-singles

5 dating tips for single Christians

by ‘Ifreke Inyang

black-singles

1) Do not be unequally yoked.

This is what 2 Corinthians 6:14 says emphatically.

It is not right to enter into relationships with unbelivers. Light cannot abide with darkness. If you are dating someone who is not converted, you are playing with your life and your future.

2) Put obedience over passion.

We need to listen to the still, small voice everytime. It is not everything we do that is right. Even the Bible says that the ways that seemeth right to man, the end is destruction.

It is crucial we submit our will to the obedience to God and not obey our feelings or what society thinks.

3) Examine your personal motives.

Ask yourself genuinely: why am I in this relationship? What is my motivation?

Ego gratification? Power? Control? Selfishness or genuine affection?

As a God-fearing individual, our motives must be clean and clear.

4) Be guided by love versus lust.

It has to be about love. Love is the fruit of the Spirit. When once love is present, everything else follows.

We are advised in the Bible not to operate in lust.

5) Allow the Holy Spirit to direct and lead you.

If you feel convicted of certain behaviors, stop doing them.