Tag Archives: GEJ

sex life

Book review: Seun Salami’s ‘The Sex life of a Lagos mad woman’ is edgy but doesn’t go far enough

by Wilfred Okiche

The Sex life of a Lagos mad woman is the second collection of short stories authored by ‘Seun Salami, one of the brightest young voices in contemporary fiction. After the release of his last collection, The Son of your father’s concubine (2011), Salami spent some time publishing new, occasionally daring material, mostly online, and garnered quite the following, with his risqué tales of sex. And blood. And more sex.

Some of these stories, in slightly different forms have made their way into his latest, a sparkling, if slender compendium of shorts with plenty of bark, but not enough bite.

Salami has a way with stringing words together to create titles that grab attention at first glance. The book’s title, together with the bold, yellow cover and clear, contrasting illustration is guaranteed to elicit more than just a cursory glance.

Readers who delve in will be rewarded with 12 gripping stories, each one flirting with the darker edges of the human condition. Published by Bookvine, where the writer works as Head of Publishing, Sex life is neatly arranged in 6 parts, each containing 2 stories apiece, dealing on topics such as witch-craft, man’s inhumanity to man, celibacy and of course that most basic of instincts, sex.

At a lean 108 pages, Sex life begs to be devoured in a single reading and goes down smoothly, like a shot of vodka down the alimentary canal.

Some of these stories, in the hands of another writer, would be hard to take in but Salami does not dwell in his characters’ depravity, choosing instead to find hope and humour in the bleakest of situations. Most of the stories are tainted with sex but surprisingly, Mr Salami does not quite bring himself to write graphic, exotic erotica, crafted singularly to titillate the senses. His tone is subdued, whispered, pure even and when he tackles disturbing material, one can feel the Christian in him, holding back.

Which is not to say that he isn’t having fun.

There is plenty of it on Our Pastor is hooked on porn and me, in which he takes readers into the compliant mind of an impressionable young lady, having (gasp) sexual relations with her pastor. The pastor’s predator instincts are classic psychopathic behaviour, but the narrator finds herself sucked deeper and deeper even when she does know better. One would be mistaken to think that this particular story is a fictionalized version of a certain drama that blew up last year but Salami’s version predates that real life scandal and was published originally, long before the ballad of Ese Walter was made public.

The lump in my celibate throat sees a pious reverend father seduced by a proper parishioner and Pentecostal Sabina is the all too familiar tale of the Christian sister who is mandated by society to live her life not according to her own wishes or the dictates of her heart, but by society’s own rigidly defined rules.

Where the characters in the aforementioned stories are repressed; and seeking an outlet for all their pent up emotions, others, elsewhere, are exploding, trapped knee deep in their debauchery.

Uncle Solo is the never do well who squanders all of his family inheritance and abandons his siblings to a life of penury. And The Young witch of Ifewara derives perverse, mystical pleasures in locking up destinies and truncating the hustles of common folk who offend her.

The crown jewel of this collection however, has to be the story which gives the book its title. The author goes beyond his simplistic style and offers a narrative tour de force of delusions, dementia and death with a delicious twist added. “Only Rosco’s thing is sweeter than that Indomie and egg in this life”, his lead character affirms convincingly.

None of the other stories in this collection really  matches up to The Sex life of a Lagos mad woman in terms of plot and storytelling gimmickry but Mr Salami manages to keep them all at an even pacing. He doesn’t always find success though as Flight partner, the shortest of the bunch is a thoroughly unsatisfying peep at same sex attraction. The author starts and ends the story with a hurried disinterest, as if genuinely scared of a visit from GEJ’s anti-gay law soldiers. Witch-hunting nights attempts to explore Akwa Ibom’s infamous child witches but does not quite know how to tell a convincing or empathic tale that could highlight the devastation caused by the menace.

At its core, bold title aside, The Sex life of a Lagos mad woman is a wholesome collection of short stories that dares to highlight topics we would very much prefer to keep silent about and presents them in a way that does not offend anyone. Its motives are quite modest and the author is quite content with peeping out occasionally, but staying on the right side of the safety zone.

Perhaps it would take another similarly themed collection to completely bring out the freak that is obviously itching to burst out of him.

He tries this time, but is yet to venture far enough.

 

– The writer tweets from @drwill20

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I can’t do it on my own: GEJ wants African leaders to do more about terrorism

by Laila Ibrahim

President Goodluck Jonathan has called on African leaders to take “action- oriented approach” against the activities of terrorists and stop the incessant massacre of innocent citizens across the continent.

Speaking at the opening ceremony of the 455th African Union Peace and Security Council meeting, at the level of Heads of State and Government, titled ” terrorism and violent extremism in Africa” held at the Kenyatta International Conference Centre (KICC), Nairobi, Kenya, Jonathan noted that the African Union has what it takes in terms of legal, political and normative instruments to deal with the rising sophistication of terrorists.

The President however regretted the increasing wave of violence that is being perpetrated by Boko Haram, El- Shabba and the Lord Resistance Army (LRA).

President Jonathan, while reading the speech of the African Union Chairman, Mohamed Ould Abdel Aziz, at the occasion, called on African countries to fulfil their earlier commitments with respect to legal measures, border control and exchange of intelligence, as part of the joint efforts to put an end to terrorism on the African continent.

He commended the AU member countries and the Commission for efforts and commitment in combating insurgency, so far, but stressed that a lot of work needed to be done.

“While both member states and the Commission deserve to be commended for their commitment and efforts, nonetheless, much remains to be done. The atrocities that continue to be committed by the terrorist groups active in the Sahelo- Saharan region, Boko Haram, the LRA, Al- Shabaab and other terrorist groups, bear testimony to the long road ahead of us,” he said.

Proffering solutions the situation, the President Jonathan also said “The first (solution) relates to the need for enhanced cooperation among member states and between the continent and the rest of the international community.

“Indeed the problem we are confronting is global on nature. Terrorist and organized crime syndicates operate in networks that can only be defeated through concerted action and cooperation. The African Union and its various instruments and mechanisms provide the framework within which we should combine our efforts and pull together our scarce resources.

“The second point pertains to the need for action- oriented approach. We are now well equipped in terms of legal, political and normative instruments. The tasks ahead of us is to ensure their effective implementation. The countries concerned should take the steps required to become parties to the relevant African and international instruments. We should as member states fulfil our commitments and obligations, particularly with respect to legal measures, border control, exchange of intelligence and other related measures.”

Earlier, the Chairperson of the Council, Idriss Debby of Chad assured that the Council would leave no stone unturned in the fight against terror while host President, Uhuru Kenyatta called on African leaders to provide the funds needed to fight terrorism to complement the support coming from outside the continent.

The Summit, which is expected to adopt the recommendations of the African Union Commission Chairperson on violent extremism and terrorism in Africa, is still going on at the time of filing this report.

 

goodluck-jonathan-achievements

Do 61 per cent of Nigerians really approve of GEJ?

by Mayowa Aboah

The NOIPolls conducted in the month of August claims that 61 per cent of Nigerians were satisfied with the performance of President Goodluck Jonathan’s administration so far.

Following July’s statistics where 62 per cent approved of The President’s performance in office, 25 per cent disapproved with 13 per cent being indifferent; the month of August recorded a 1 per cent decrease on approvals to 61 per cent, with 26 per cent disapproving, while the number of indifferent respondents remained the same.

Power Supply
July’s report wasn’t a far cry from August’s as results revealed that 51% of adult Nigerians reported that power supply in their area had improved, while 32% of the respondents were of the view that power supply had gone worse. 17% reported “there’s no difference at all” as it has neither improved nor gone worse.

Based on geopolitical zones, 58 per cent of respondents in the North-West zone experienced an improved power supply, while 22% in the South-West zone had no difference in the state of power. The North-East zones accounted for the highest proportion of respondents who experienced poor state power supply within the last one month with 41%; a shift from last months results where the North-Central zone experienced the most improvement, with the South-South and South-East zone experiencing the poorest power supply.

The monthly trend assessment reveals a substantial 18-point increase in improvement on power supply in August from July 2014. This figure illustrates the highest positive rating ever recorded in power supply from the inception of the NOIPolls power monitoring polls till date 2014. The average in the power supply from January 2013 to August 2014 is currently at 36.8% indicating that the current result represents a significant 14.2-points above the average.

Job provision
The South-East and the South-South zones accounted for the largest fraction of respondents who approve of the President’s job performance with 89% and 74% respectively. The North-Central and North-West zones have the highest proportion of respondents who were neutral with 20% and 17%. Also, the North-East zone and the North-West zone have the largest proportion of respondents who disapprove of the President’s job performance with 41% and 38% respectively.

In addition, the President had an average rating in terms of his performance in Job creation, Power, Economy, Education, Health, Agriculture & Food Security, Transportation and Foreign Policy & Diplomacy except for Security which he performed poorly.

The is the eighth report in the monthly series of governance polls conducted by NOIPolls in 2014. The report is to gauge the opinions and perceptions of Nigerians regarding the approval rating of the President, the performance of the President on key elements of his transformation agenda, and the state of power supply in the country.

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My president is hotter than yours! See how GEJ arrived Germany (PHOTOS)

by Hauwa Gambo

Yesterday morning, President Goodluck Jonathan left Nigeria for Germany. On arrival he got hard at work, connecting with the Falconets in Canada and meeting with the diplomatic representatives in the country including Ambassadors AU Abubakar and Hassan Tukur.

But that’s not why we are here.

We  are here because:

Jonathan hot ynaija

 

GEJ arrives Germany YNaija

a) The president is dapper in a suit again.

b) The president is dapper in a suit again.

c) The president is positively dapper in that bowler hat, thrown in just because.

d) The president’s got swag.

e) It’s a Saturday so don’t take life too seriously.

Whoever is working on the President’s styling is positively sending the right messages. We, er, doff our hats.

PS: In case, you’re wondering what the president is doing in Germany, this is Abati’s message for you, shared with the media on Thursday:

President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan will leave Abuja early Friday on a private visit to Germany.

The President will be accompanied on the trip by some of his principal aides.

He is expected back in Abuja early next week.

#ThatsAll.

jonathan

“If somebody is dead, leave him there” | GEJ was on FIRE yesterday, see our top 7 quotes

by Kolapo Olapoju

 

Speaking publicly for the first time since the outbreak of the Ebola virus disease in Nigeria, President Goodluck Jonathan didn’t mince words in his disgust at the late Patrick Sawyer, who deliberately brought Ebola to Nigeria.

The President made the statement at the annual Interfaith Conference in Abuja on Monday, 11 August, and here are the sharpest points of his statement;

“As a government, we promise that we will do everything humanly possible to contain the Ebola virus.”

“On Wednesday, I will meet with governor of the states, and they must come along with their commissioners of Health.”

“We must make sure that every state is prepared, where they lack, the federal government will support them,”

“It is unfortunate that one mad man brought Ebola to us, but we have to contain it.”

“His country asked him not to leave the country, let them observe him, but the crazy man decided to leave and found his way here.”

“My conversation with the WHO DG, Dr Margaret Chan was revealing, she said 60 per cent of the transmission was spread during burials.”

“Some people like burial ceremonies. This is not the time for burial ceremony, somebody is dead, he is dead, leave him there. This is not the best time for those ceremonies.”

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Did you see Nigerians in America ‘hailing’ GEJ yesterday? (LOOK)

by Kolapo Olapoju

 

Hailing must have another meaning we don’t know about.

We hear Nigerians in the United States were hailing President Jonathan when he arrived in Washington, but this picture tells a different story.

Or just maybe…..the picture was taken when they briefly stopped hailing. Who knows?

The President was in Washington for the U.S.- African leaders Summit.

Naija US

 

 

kano-bomb-blast

6 die as another explosion hits Kano State

by Mayowa Aboah

 

BombBlast_628508837

A bomb explosion by a female suicide bomber at College of Islamic and Legal studies, Kano State, has left six dead with six others injured.

Director-General of the National Orientation Agency, Mike Omeri, who confirmed the incident said; “At about 2.30 pm (1330 GMT), another female suicide bomber exploded an improvised explosive device at the Kano State polytechnic leaving six persons dead”

Witnesses who were at the scene said that the female suicide bomber detonated the bomb within the school premises where some students had gone to collect their call up letters for the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) posting.

This is the fourth time in a week that bomb explosions has involved at least three different female bombers. On Sunday, an explosion occurred at Saint Charles Catholic Church, killing 5 people. Two other explosions were reported on Monday. All off these explosions have been reportedly carried out by young females.

The re-occurring incident of female suicide bombers, raises concern over the safety of the abducted Chibok girls.

chibok parents

Fight time – parents of Chibok girls allege foul play over N100 million largesse from the President

by Mayowa Aboah

 

chibok parentsThe sum of N100 million, allegedly given to parents of the abducted Chibok girls, has led to a serious disagreement within the Chibok community.

It was reported that the President had on July 22nd, released the funds to leaders of the Chibok community in Abuja for onward passage to parents of the kidnapped schoolgirls. But many of the supposed recipients are now crying foul play.

One of the male parents, was quoted to have said; “I got only N200,000 out of the said N100million allegedly received by our leaders in Abuja. Some of us got N300,000 and some less than that”.

He expressed dissatisfaction with the way the money was shared among the parents of the kidnapped girls as he was short-changed.

“Our leaders in Abuja are using the girls to enrich themselves. In fact, some of the parents were screened out of the entourage by the Chibok leaders in Abuja. Many of them are residents of Abuja, not parents of the kidnapped girls,” He claimed.

Another parent claimed he got only N7,000 out of the money.

“I was at the farm when they brought the N7, 000 to my house and I collected it. Some of us got even less, N300 and below,” he said.

The parents also stressed that they were not selling their daughters and that the money from the President.

One of the community leaders, Pobu Bitrus, who was present at the meeting between the president and the parents explained to the BBC Hausa Service that after meeting, monies were distributed to the parents in envelopes.

“After we met with the presidency, the parents were given monies in envelopes and that’s all. All other things they are saying about N100million, I don’t know about that,” Bitrus said.

Presidential aides, Reuben Abati and Doyin Okupe, could not be reached as at the time of this report.

Babangida

At last, he speaks! | Read what Babangida has to say about Boko Haram

by Kolapo Olapoju

Babangida

Following the bombing involving General Mohammadu Buhari in Kaduna, his colleague, former head of state General Ibrahim Babangida has spoken out against the growing insurgency by the Islamic terrorist sect, Boko Haram

The former head of state released a statement saying that the menace of the sect is unacceptable and it must stop, while also urging Nigerians to pray for the leaders as they make efforts to arrest the escalating issue of Boko Haram

He said, “To state the least, this bloodletting must stop. This bloodletting has to stop. It is callous and inhuman for anyone to goad this country on the path of perfidy, a path that is laid with landmines and bombs. This is totally unacceptable.”

He also empathized with President Jonathan and , saying, “Let me also condole with Mr. President on this unfortunate incident and the recurring decimal of insecurity and crime against humanity that is fast polluting public morality. We all must join hands with Mr. President at this critical time of our national history and democratic journey to proffer solutions to this anti-development scenario that is fast enveloping us.”

“Even as I sympathise with my colleague, former president, General Mohammadu Buhari, for escaping the bomber’s scalpel, I also wish to condole with the families of those who lost their lives in this attack. It is frightening and calls for condemnation by all well-meaning people of Nigeria. We all must rise above partisanship in our condemnation of this state of insecurity, as we all must be united in our clear-cut resolve to finding solutions to this hydra-headed situation we find ourselves.

“I have sat back in my quiet retirement home in Minna to ponder over what could be the motivation for these several attacks, but I am yet to find any explanation why Nigerians would be killing fellow Nigerians. For those of us who fought the civil war, our painful sense of nostalgia still remains deep, as much as our patriotic attitude towards this great country, Nigeria. These wanton killings and needless bloodletting have continued to retard our growth and democratic journey, forcing the system to improvise all manners of mechanisms to arrest this descent to anarchy.

“The president and our governors need our prayers at various stages of their leadership to arrest this ugly trend. Nigeria of our dream is one that provides opportunity for all irrespective of our cultural and political differences; a nation that comprises several nation-states with abundant resources and opportunities for our flourishing population. We must, therefore, be resolute in our collective reasoning and determination to trudge on despite these obvious setbacks to safely paddle the ship of state to a safe harbour.”

Reno Omokri: Ignore social media propaganda, let me tell you why GEJ is not clueless

by Reno Omokri

Reno-book-signing

So this man, Jonathan, has in a space of a few years brought about a solution to two of the most pressing and recurring municipal issues facing the most populated areas of Nigeria.

New Media, dominated predominantly by Social Media, may not determine who wins elections but it will determine who influences perceptions.

Ask yourself when was the last time you heard a breaking news on TV that had not already broken on New Media?

The fact is that New Media influences perception but as Ekiti has shown us, perception itself is not reality no matter what spin doctors say.

Now, perception may not be reality but if you do not take care of your perception, it will interfere with your reality.

However, perception is not the same as propaganda.

I got a lesson in the difference between perception and propaganda when I went to school in England.

The brochure of the school had a picture of this amazing hall and when I arrived on campus I asked for the whereabouts of that hall and received a rude shock when I was told I was in the hall.

I looked around and it was indeed the hall, but it did not look as grand as it did in the brochure. They had taken the picture of the hall from an angle that emphasized its grandeur. That was an example of perception influencing reality which influenced choice.

Elsewhere in England, a fellow Nigerian student had gone to his university only to find that the halls in the brochure of his schools existed, only not in that school. The school had used pictures of stately buildings. They did not expressly say those buildings were in their campus, but they knew it would be assumed. That was an act of propaganda influencing choice.

But while I remained at my school, the other Nigerian did not.

The moral here is that perception can be tolerated by reality but propaganda will be rejected by it.

The President, as one having the largest Facebook following of any political leader in Africa (almost 1.6 million followers) could engage in propaganda if he were so inclined, but that is not the Jonathan way.

His way is to deliver results while his detractors deliver activity and then let those results speak for themselves.

And the results are speaking for themselves with his Facebook page being the most visited FB profile in Africa, with one single post commanding over 110,000 likes and over 36,000 comments.

For now though, let us consider the word ‘clueless’. It is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as ‘having no knowledge, understanding, or ability’.

Now, this tag is a major arsenal in the propaganda unit of the opposition. The higher echelon have given their foot soldiers the order to tar the President with this adjective.

Now let us touch on reality for a bit.

In Nigeria, the two states with the highest population density are Kano and Lagos.

Incidentally, these two states are right now being governed by the opposition.

Anybody who knows these two states will attest to the fact that the major issue facing Kano is the sheer number of school age children that are out of the formal education system. It is estimated that there are at least 2 million itinerant scholars known as Almajiri in Kano who do not have access to formal education.

In Lagos, the major issue has been how to deal with the traffic situation that keeps Lagosians trapped in ‘go slow’ thereby depriving the economy off the man hours lost to this unproductive drudgery.

State and local officials have for almost half a decade been ‘clueless’ as to how to resolve these two debilitating municipal issues. The problems have grown in scale each passing year and appeared to be insurmountable.

But there has been a revolution of late which has addressed these two malaise and which is providing a solution in the present while turning adversity to opportunity.

In Kano, multiple schools have been purpose built for almajiris. They are called Almajiri Model Schools. They have Quranic recitation halls, Malams Quarters, libraries, hostels and science laboratories.

These schools are now in operation. They do not follow the traditional curriculum. They have a special curriculum which is built around Islamic education and science. The direction of the schools are determined by the Malam in charge and the only external influence is supervision from the ministry of education.

As a result, they are being utilized and kids are now leaving the streets of Kano to the comfort of the Almajiri Model Schools. Thus, a decades old problem is being solved. Of course it will take many more Almajiri Model Schools to absorb the over 2 million kids outside the formal education system, but now, we have a template that works.

In Lagos, when Lagosians first heard of the air conditioned trains, they thought it was a rumour, a ruse. Those kinds of things do not happen in Nigeria, they thought.

And then people started boarding the air conditioned trains that take you from one end of Lagos to another. They began taking selfies of themselves in these trains and tweeting or facebooking it.

Soon the news spread like wild fire! You can now escape Lagos traffic by taking the new air conditioned trains. It will stop in Oshodi, it will stop in Agege. It is meant for the masses. It is used by the masses!

And just like that, the number of people who travel by train in Nigeria has increased from 1 million per annum in 2009 to 5 million per annum and growing today.

But the koko of the matter is that these initiatives were the personal initiative of President Goodluck Jonathan in the case of Almajiri Model Schools, and the joint initiative of the President and his minister in the case of the Lagos Air Conditioned Trains or ‘Jonathan trains’ as some call it.

So this man, Jonathan, has in a space of a few years brought about a solution to two of the most pressing and recurring municipal issues facing the most populated areas of Nigeria.

It takes knowledge to come up with these ideas. It takes understanding to implement them. It takes ability to focus on them in the midst of distraction from terrorists and their sponsors. It takes humility to do it in the sphere of influence of the opposition.

The facts above cannot be dismissed.

If these are the acts of a ‘clueless’ person, then we need more cluelessness in Nigeria.

When the Jonathan administration launched the new National Automotive Policy in 2013, the opposition called it a pipe dream. But they were not dreaming when President Goodluck Jonathan became the first Nigerian to publicly drive the new Made in Nigeria Nissan on the 29th of May 2014.

To cover their embarrassment at this feat, they said the cars were not made in Nigeria because not all the components were manufactured in Nigeria. In that case, no country manufactures a car because in this modern age, no single country makes all the parts that make up a car.

Mercedes Benz for instance makes parts in different continents including Africa. The nationality of the car is determined by the location where the final product is put together.

But for the sake of arguments, let us say that these cars are not even made in Nigeria. Is it not a fact that they are in Nigeria, they are inexpensive because of the National Automotive Policy, they are providing jobs for Nigerians and they are designed for our weather and environment?

My people, things are changing in Nigeria and at such breath taking pace that the propaganda of ‘clueless’ cannot sell any more.

Before Jonathan, Nigeria as a nation was importing cement today we are producing enough to meet our domestic demand and have enough left over to export to other African nations.

As the cement is being manufactured, they are put on trains and hauled directly from the factory to Lagos port because the president had the foresight to extend the rail lines to the site of production.

On Monday the 14th of July 2014 the President commissioned the largest rice mill in Nigeria in Nasarawa, the Olam Rice Mill. At that event the President said “our commitment is to continue to reduce our food importation bill to the barest minimum. To demonstrate our commitment, I am glad to report to Nigerians that from a total food import bill of One trillion, one hundred billion naira (N1.1tr) ($6.9billion dollars) as at 2009, we have reduced our food import bill to Six hundred and eighty four billion, seven million naira (N684.7billion) ($4.35billion dollars) as at December 2013″.

That Nigeria is changing for the better under Jonathan is a reality. That he is solving decades long problems is a reality. That ordinary Nigerians have seen through the propaganda of the opposition is also a reality.

It is also a reality that they can no longer sell the propaganda of a clueless Jonathan.

In fact, the President’s abilities has begun to shrink the ranks of the opposition as we now read about defections from their ranks to the Peoples Democratic Party, PDP on a weekly basis.

They confuse the President’s meekness for weakness, forgetting that meekness is power under control ready to be unleashed if and when the situation demands it.

They confuse the President’s thoughtfulness for foolishness forgetting that it is better to think then act than to act then think.

They confuse his tolerance for timidity forgetting that as the leader of the nation he must think of the good of both those who love him and those who don’t while their only thought is for those who love them.

So, let them continue with their propaganda. The best answer to them is one crafted by MKO Abiola of blessed memory who said ‘if you change the name of honey, it will still be sweet’.

 

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Reno Omokri is Special Assistant to the President on New Media.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija