The ‘God’ particle and 11 other crazy reasons why the world won’t end today
by Laurel Brown
The Mayan astronomers and timekeepers weren’t always right. They didn’t have leap years, for example.
According to the completely accurate and never sensational Internet, the world is supposed to end on December 21, 2012. It’s the apocalypse predicted by the super-advanced Mayan civilization and therefore must be believed.
We are probably going to survive this Armageddon like we’ve survived so many supposed apocalypses before. How can we be sure? Here are 12 reasons why you should believe that humanity will make it to the end of 2012.
1. The big asteroids didn’t get us.
Two rather large pieces of space rock have passed by in the past couple of weeks. They missed.
2. Upcoming space rocks are too little.
The Ursid meteor shower — one of several annual meteor showers — happens to roughly coincide with the Dec. 21 apocalyptic date. But most of those meteors are the size of pebbles and sand grains. Death by extraterrestrial pebble is highly unlikely.
3. The Mayans weren’t all that smart.
For all their astronomical brilliance (and there was a lot — check out Mayan predictions on the orbit of Venus to see this), the Mayan astronomers and timekeepers weren’t always right. They didn’t have leap years, for example. Thus, any Mayan calendar date is all messed up after all these baktuns and katuns and such.
4. We survived “Gangnam Style” and Honey Boo Boo in the same year.
Is there honestly anything worse the universe could throw at us?
According to R.E.M. (and a lot of religious sources), it starts with an earthquake. Tectonic activity, however, has remained normal.
6. Bad weather in December doesn’t mean anything.
It’s December. The weather always sucks.
7. There are no planetary alignments to rip the continents to pieces.
Or whatever planetary alignments are supposed to do. We’re safe from this in 2012 because a) nothing is particularly aligned out in space, and b) planetary alignments don’t hurt us anyway.
8. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are still together.
Even the world of “Twilight” fans has managed to survive!
9. No one at CERN has managed to create a Earth-destroying black hole yet.
All they’ve done is find the “God” particle and advance science like crazy. It’s as if those physicists knew what they were doing all along…
10. The zombies haven’t shown up yet.
Considering pop-culture trends, if the world were going to end in 2012, it should be zombies that cause the apocalypse. But, so far, zombies still remain confined to fictional works and costumed events.
11. Last days never seem to pan out.
We’ve survived the end days many, many times before. Y2K anyone?
12. Australia says we’re OK.
If you can believe Australia…
If you need any more reassurance that we will survive Dec. 21, check with NASA. They’re really smart. And see you tomorrow!