by Bunmi Babs

A while ago, en route to one of my favorite destinations, I caught the fancy of Zik. He was ‘not my type’ – normally I would never have given him the time of day – so I turned him down. Little did I know that I would spend the next eight months trying to find my way back to his heart. The days turned into weeks as I waited for Zik to try again, becoming more and more impatient with every thought of him.

You see, many times a lady is asked once, then again, so we’ve come to  expect a man who wants us to be persistent. Zik was different. There was no second offer. By the time I returned from my trip, he was doing me what Banky W calls “Strong Ting”.

When we find ourselves in this type of situation, what do we do?

I can hear your answers ladies. “It’s his loss”, “I guess it wasn’t meant to be”, “Me? Chase a man? Never!”

Men I hear you too: “Her shakara is too much, is she Halle Berry?”, “She will be single for life!”

Let’s be honest with ourselves, most times these statements are born out of pride and resentment. Many times what we want is in life is not handed to us; we have to pursue it. How else would we appreciate it? The pursuit is the dreamiest part of any chase because expectations are still high, and anything is possible.

I love what the pursuit does to our minds. This is the point where we work up an appetite for our crush, and desire to do everything with the person. Day dreaming brings the person close enough to touch, and we take every opportunity to dream – on long train rides, flights, drives and just about anywhere – about the possibility of that dinner, that Broadway show you’d love to watch together, the walks in the park (well…depending on where you live, strolls around neighborhoods will do too), and the surprises you get at your door.

This aspect of relating is complex because the majority of it is in your thoughts which, like many matters of the heart, cannot be expressed. It’s hard to explain to friends, and we catch ourselves saying things like “I can’t explain it” or “I don’t know how I feel, I just…” We try to make sense of this amazing individual who we’re falling for, sometimes barely knowing what they’re really like. Sometimes, even worse, they may have moved on and forgotten they’d ever met us.

I was at this point until a few weeks ago, when I got an unexpected wake up call. Apparently Zik is in town! A friend of mine, whom I had bored endlessly about all his minutest details had been able to recognise him out of a line up (those details will be in a story for another day).

Guess what? I’m going to go for it (him)! In a few weeks I’ll get the stage to sing my heart out in hopes that the ‘judge’ will conclude that I’m the best thing since sliced bread… wish me luck! J

Wisdom of the week: Gentlemen, if you cannot imagine your life without her, give her the respect you give to your mother; and show her the love you show to yourself.

Oluwapelumi