by ‘Ticia Nyitse

”Learn to say no to your kids, they would thank you later for not giving them ice-cream every time they asked for it, or stopping them from picking out the vegetable because it didn’t taste good. ”

Often times I have heard parents refer to their kids as their best friends and vice versa, that just leaves me astonished, considering the idea is alien to me. First, because I never had that experience and secondly… you’ll find out as you read on.

In order not to misunderstand the noun ‘parenting’, I chose to look it up in a dictionary (The Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English). Parenting is the skill or activity of looking after your own children; as an activity, I am made to understand it has no long stop date. Hold up, I just heard someone ask “what does she even know about being a parent?” Well, you’d be surprised how much one gets to know, just by being an onlooker.  During a conversation with a dear friend of mine, I was teasing him as usual and calling him “omo mummy” which could also mean “mummy’s pet” because he is the last child and his response gave a whole new meaning to this article that was already in the works.

Holding on too tight/ Letting go too soon:

“I am not mummy’s pet oo, if not why did she send me to boarding school?” The sound of resentment in his voice was almost 20years old. Years earlier, a little kid was let go too soon, a parenting choice made for the good of their young son still had an impact on him years later; but would he have preferred to be held onto tightly? The answer for me would be a big NO!

I was shipped off to boarding school at the age of 10, a very skinny little ‘thing’ to fend for herself, and thanks mom because that decision has moulded a strong, independent woman who is on the verge of making an impact in life.

Are we even forgetting the torment parents go through when they have to let go? Only recently did I accompany my dad to drop off my kid brother who was beginning Junior Secondary School, as I watched his tiny physique disappear into the male hostel, I felt my eyes water. Only then did I imagine the pain they must have felt, having to do it over and over, with all 5 kids. Need I even speak on the financial implications?

They would be eating their cakes and having it if they choose for you to attend a day school. Another instance would be, when Daddy walks his ‘little’ angel down the aisle; he isn’t ready and might never be but against his better judgement, he releases her to a man he barely knows. Finding the balance between these two extremes puts the P in Parenting.

My baby is all grown up!

Only yesterday was she in diapers, running around the house and you enjoyed the sound of her little feet clapping against the floor. Now she’s all grown up and you have to give her sex education and watch her go out on dates, seems like you just blinked and all that happened…yet many parents try to rush this process.

Children are not allowed to have and enjoy their childhood anymore, I see kids under the ages of 3 wearing traditional attires and fixing weave-on, looking like adults in a baby’s body. These kids now watch whatever they choose and know more RnB songs than most of us adults do. I attended a one-year old birthday party some time back, and when it was time for the kiddies dance competition, my jaw dropped to the floor (literally). The children were dancing in every manner that wasn’t suitable for them, while their ‘proud’ parents watched and cheered them on. Underage marriage isn’t the only thing that robs children of their childhood, not letting them grow at their pace also does.

LOVE: Too much or too little?

Growing up, I remember my mom being the ‘flogger’ (in fact I still remember the feel on her hands against my skin) which might be perceived as less love, while my dad never raised a finger on me. Many years later, it turns out I am closer to mom than I am to dad. This just goes to validate the good book that says, “spare the rod and spoil the child”.

The rod may not necessarily be literal; it just means a parent should be firm and by that, should also be ready to be accused of less love by the child, like I accused my mom; instead of spoiling the child and showing ‘more love’.

Learn to say no to your kids, they would thank you later for not giving them ice-cream every time they asked for it, or stopping them from picking out the vegetable because it didn’t taste good. You are the adult, you know better. Later, when the irony unfolds of who showed more or less love, you should be able to pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

Parenting is a necessary evil. Evil, because your kids may not like what you do half the time; but because you’re the adult, who can see what they can’t see even when they climb the iroko tree, you just have to patiently wait for the truth to hit them. Our children are the leaders of tomorrow, the role you play today would determine the kind of leaders they become. I pray God gives you the grace to be a good parent…Amen.

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‘Ticia Nyitse is a creative young woman with a passion for entertainment. She tweets from @ticiatowns

30 Days 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.