Ticia Towns: Dear God, its me again ( 30 Days, 30 Voices)

by Ticia Towns

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“Looking back now I should have said that prayer differently, ‘Dear God, press control Z on their blessings, the moment they choose not to marry me’”

‘Dear God, its me again. Please bless Mark, prosper the work of his hands and make his day Fruitful in Jesus’ name’. As I got up from my praying position that faithful morning I wondered to myself:

‘How long will this continue? How many men will I have to say this same prayer for? Is that my ministry? I even feel ashamed of myself for presenting different men to you, I’m sure you are tired too’.

 I prayed for Mikey and when he got a good job he walked away. Segun was an A-hole whom I stopped praying for the moment I realised. How about Terver, Obinna, Dele and … Oh, I’m so ashamed to say all their names! They came in different area codes yet had one thing in common; their ability to take me for a ride yet I never learned because of my policy of humble beginnings. I took them in, believing that my prayers combined with their prospects to excel, would turn the situation around and they would marry me. It even seemed to me at some point that they specifically announced in their brotherhood meetings, ‘anyone looking for a committed prayer warrior should meet Sister Leticia, she’s the best there is. God specifically answers her prayers’.

Looking back now I should have said that prayer differently, ‘Dear God, press control Z on their blessings, the moment they choose not to marry me’; But who would blame a desperate lady whose desperation was laced with ‘love’? As I got ready for work that morning, all these thoughts lingered in my head, why can’t I also get hooked to a ready-made man? The girls who marry them don’t have 4 boobs now, so why do I get left with the hustlers? I began feeling like the jealous twin, the short-sighted neighbour who sees the grass greener on the other side. As ingratitude never walks alone, her close companion depression also came knocking.

‘Dear God its me again; Please give me clarity on this issue because I don’t want to lean on my own understanding and get it wrong’ I managed to say through clenched teeth, amidst raging thoughts. With that I felt a sudden peace envelop me; I went about my normal activities for the day and the subsequent weeks that went by. Anyone who understands the peace of God would know that when you totally leave it to him, you would eventually forget there was an issue in the first place. It takes a moment of stepping aside and looking back for you to realise that ‘oh! I was supposed to be depressed but, where and when did the depression go?’ That is what happened to me. I noticed that I was happy with Mark, I saw him first as a friend that I genuinely wanted to prosper and for that reason, I was willing to pray for him even if we didn’t end up together; After all, who says every relationship must end up in marriage? I am able to say that now confidently because I realise that I would have made the worst mistake of my life, if I had ended up with any of the men from my past.

The best part of all these realisations was that God wasn’t ashamed of me. My parents and friends may criticize me for my selection process but how can you know that KFC has the best chicken if you haven’t tasted chicken from a few other eateries? If anything, HE was proud that in all of this, I had learnt the ultimate lesson- To be a blessing to people that cross my path; What better way to be a blessing than to pray others into their success?

I’m sure you are itching to know if I am married now, right? Well the answer is NO, but I was inspired to put my story out there to encourage ladies; You may be ashamed to admit where it pinches you, but I hope you can relate to my story. Let go of the grudges, release those that hurt you; Redefine your life and relationships if you are into any at the moment and trust me, you will have peace which is way better than a hasty marriage.

Still in the mood of celebrating women I would like to add; WE BEND, WE DON’T BREAK.

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Ticia Towns is a writer. She tweets from @ticiatowns.

30 Days, 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

 

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