Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social matters, etc. They range from the awesome and brilliant to the OMG, he didn’t. We have made it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here’s our list from today:

1. MMM: After the suspension that took many a Nigerian’s breath away, not to mention their plans to ‘blow’ during the holidays, the Ponzi scheme that saved a thousand lives returned today. Hallelujah, somebori. Good morning, Mavrodians.

Here are reactions from Twitter to that announcement, and our thoughts on MMM’s return on Friday the 13th.

2. Eromo Egbejule for Southern Kaduna

The reporter is in Southern Kaduna, penning down the experiences of the people living through what appears to be Ethnic cleansing.

It’s worthy noise, this one because until recently the President hardly batted his lashes in their direction and El Rufai was busy paying off the perpetrators. See the list of crises plaguing Nigeria now.

3. Bishop Oyedepo

The good Bishop is simply fed up with government apathy towards the killing fields of Southern Kaduna, and has prayed a fiery prayer.

 

4. OAP Freeze

The ever noisemaking OAP could not wait to weigh in on the matter.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BPM5BOclu05/?taken-by=daddyfreeze&hl=en

 

5. Steve Harvey

Steve Harvey will be working with Dr Ben Carson to build American inner cities.

Steve Harvey says Trump introduced him to Ben Carson: "It was a successful meeting" https://t.co/UyqzPDTbGn

— NBC News (@NBCNews) January 13, 2017

But some black folks think it means he is in cahoots with Trump now, and therefore isn’t trustworthy.

between ben carson and steve harvey, trump has no clue black people know things outside of "inner cities"

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) January 13, 2017

i cannot wait for black america to give steve harvey a piece of their mind after he kisses up to trump pic.twitter.com/SSiIm5nLTV

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) January 13, 2017

"Name someone who just sold their soul."
"OOOH! Steve Harvey!"
"Survey says–" pic.twitter.com/7oEgKzpAHV

— lauren warren (@iamlaurenp) January 13, 2017

"Steve Harvey" would not make the top ten Family Feud answers for "People The President-Elect Needs To Talk To 7 Days Before Inauguration."

— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) January 13, 2017

The U.S. President woke up this morning, tweeted insults, put on spray tan, booked 3 Doors Down and met with Steve Harvey.

— Ben Hoffman (@thebenshow) January 13, 2017

Steve Harvey already let y'all know what he thinks of us when he defended Paula Deen. Let him go.

— William C. (@williamcson) January 13, 2017

But some people get it

How is Steve Harvey a coon when he is going to work with the HUD team to make housing better in inner cities where YALL live? Incredible.

— Bri (@bjacksss) January 13, 2017

I don't see the issue with Steve Harvey discussing black people with Trump. That's what influential people do. Speak for their ppl.

— fendi. like the bag. (@DeedeeUgly_) January 13, 2017

6 Tonto Dikeh vs Mercy Johnson

In 2013, Tonto Dikeh insulted Mercy Johnson for resuming back at work two months after the latter gave birth to her daughter, Purity.

This is what she said

“Nollywood Bridez marry horribly** #SHEBA#…Wen n if I give birth, God plz provide mii wit a husband dat can provide 4uz,Not 1 dat wld send mii bck to actin 2monthz after I born 2Huzzle’

When Mercy Johnson responded, Tonto came back with this:

“Every1 who comes to ma tl to Rant Abt ur FOOL MJ is a bigger baztard Dan SHE is coz I never cald no Bitch’z Name**F*ck U**”
“Bitch Lozt her Name, U gonno Uze mii az A come back???Naaahhhhh go Nurze Ur Witch Bitch** #StayBlessed.”

After finding God this year, and trying to cope with what the grapevine has called marital complications, Tonto Dikeh sent out an apology to Mercy today, which the latter received graciously.

7. Gideon Okeke

The actor figured he had something to say about Chiwetalu Agu’s acting, so put it out on Instagram for all to see.

This is what we think about it: This noise deserves an F for foolish.