Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social matters, etc. Sometimes, they are even just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here’s our list from today:

1  Femi Adesina

Somebody shout Hallelujah!!!!

Testimony time, blessing time.

Oyibo people say the patient dog eats the fattest bone. After almost a month of patiently waiting for his master to speak to him, finally Femi Adesina, received a call from Buhari himself- not the people around him, mind.

Here’s Femi Adesina to tell you exactly how it happened:

People of God, I say Praise the Lord!

Because he knew Facebook’s crowd differs from Twitter’s, he was thoughtful enough to inform Twitter NG.

Spoke with PMB a short while ago. Glad to hear his voice. Told me he was resting, but no cause for worry. Said I should greet my family.

— Femi Adesina (@FemAdesina) February 25, 2017

And Nigerians gladly respond:

Congratulations Uncle Femo. After 34 days struggle, you finally spoke to your boss!!! Eku ori re. Chop knuckle??????

— Adetutu Balogun (@Tutsy22) February 25, 2017

I just spoke to him now he said Nigerians should ignore Mr. Adesina

— Tosky D'Pomsky (@frankbright) February 25, 2017

So should we start getting ready for the coming of the King?

 

2.  Garba Shehu

While Femi Adesina was thrilled that he heard the president’s voice, Garba Shehu felt some type of way because he missed his own call.

A day for the Presidential Media Team

We are thankful to the President, @MBuhari GCFR for sparing the time to make calls to the Media team.

— Garba Shehu (@GarShehu) February 25, 2017

The Minister of Info., Lai Mohammed & the Special Adviser, @FemAdesina responded to the calls, exchanged greetings & thanked him for calling

— Garba Shehu (@GarShehu) February 25, 2017

I had an SMS from him thereafter because I missed my call! I humbly join them to say thank you, Baba Buhari!!

— Garba Shehu (@GarShehu) February 25, 2017

Poor dear.

??

Well, this tweet ties it nicely for us.

That there are people on this thread responding in gratitude that PMB deigned to call his media team is frankly, disgusting.

— Somi (@somiscellany) February 25, 2017

3. Mallam  Battycash just wants to clear the air about Buhari appointing voltrons who can get the job done. Do see below.

The bar in Nigeria is incredibly low. A few toilet inspections later and you're the best thing since Abe Lincoln. You'll be gassed to death.

— Mallam Battycash (@Batarhe) February 25, 2017

Buhari didn't pick Idiagbon neither did he pick Osinbajo. They were "foisted" on him. So all that talk of he's not uncool working with…

— Mallam Battycash (@Batarhe) February 25, 2017

Is all chicken poop.. Left to his own devices we know the type of people he'd have picked.

— Mallam Battycash (@Batarhe) February 25, 2017

Even a bar underneath the earth surface.

— Mallam Battycash (@Batarhe) February 25, 2017

Having said all of that, Osinbajo is not Buhari's mate in anything requiring some intellect. Like medieval period and internet age.

— Mallam Battycash (@Batarhe) February 25, 2017

4. Donald Trump

On the other side of the atlantic, Trump won’t give his itchy Twitter fingers a break. He’d like his supporters to hold their own rally.

Maybe the millions of people who voted to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN should have their own rally. It would be the biggest of them all!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 25, 2017

Clapback sans Bernie Sanders

.@realDonaldTrump They did. It wasn't. pic.twitter.com/xqt29RJPEr

— Bernie Sanders (@SenSanders) February 25, 2017

Ouch.

5.  Zeus

Yea, this Unkle-k’s troubles are of a different sort. How dare a flat assed white person claim this? Unbelievable.

Held the door open for my colleague and said ladies first, she laughs and says is it so I can look at her bum

— K. Baba ?? (@Unkle_K) February 24, 2017

This is her bum. Can you imagine the fuckery pic.twitter.com/u8duz0Sg2x

— K. Baba ?? (@Unkle_K) February 24, 2017

I'm an African man. 100% Yoruba. Do you know the kind of idi that exists in my village

— K. Baba ?? (@Unkle_K) February 24, 2017

Tell dem.She know know who you be.

??

Black men and big bums, sha.

 

6. Nicki Minaj

So yesterday, Nicki Minaj and Gucci released a track where she took a stab at an unamed rapper.

“Your career gon’ be with Anna Nicole
Witcha dumbass face
She ain’t eatin’ but I swear she got some bum ass taste
Text her man like, “Dawg, how that bum ass taste?”
Pay your rent! And stay in your bum ass place
Oooohhh, oh you the qu-e-e-the queen of this here?
One platinum plaque, album flopped, bitch, where?”

The rumour is that those shots were fired at Remy Ma. According to GENIUS, the “one Platinum plaque” line could indicate that the Young Money rapper is talking about Remy Ma, who recently scored her first Platinum hit last year with “All the Way Up.”

7. Remy Ma

Remy Ma must have believed the rumours to be true because she responded guns blazing. And true to her tweet below, she put Nicki 6 feet under.

"You wanna see a dead body" (little kid from BoyzNdaHood voice) @nickiminaj #Barz #AndBARZonly https://t.co/KKPFlmTERL pic.twitter.com/3tA9sukLah

— Remy Ma (@RealRemyMa) February 25, 2017

https://soundcloud.com/raphiphop-exclusives/remy-ma-shether-nicki-minaj-diss

Here’s a collage of how Twitter feels.

Remy. Did you have to collect ALL her edges so swiftly? Did you even leave her eyebrows? *bows at your feet* https://t.co/W5JXrhfhtt

— Awesomely Luvvie (@Luvvie) February 25, 2017

30 seconds in… RT @RealRemyMa: "You wanna see a dead body" (little kid from BoyzNdaHood voice) @nickiminaj https://t.co/NPFtruBCVw… pic.twitter.com/r5G6ve2MEo

— “he do got an alligator.” (@KiaSpeaks) February 25, 2017

https://twitter.com/JMKTV/status/835567321087414274

I'm deceased after that track…. let me die with nicki

— Lady Vs World (@LadyMalija) February 25, 2017

Nicki tried to make a comeback by posting this:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BQ8d3CAB9EM/

Nicki tryna call Safaree to do this diss track and he not picking up pic.twitter.com/OpKdAsBDqL

— Tony Starch (@_CakeBawse) February 25, 2017

-Remy's Diss Track for Nicki

https://t.co/6oDMF6OZFq pic.twitter.com/VEbA3654hL

— Jerr (@JerrieRotimi) February 25, 2017

Remy’s the Queen. Remy Ma is the greatest.

The end.

And folks, that’s how to make some quality noise.

See you Monday.