1. Yahya Jammeh

Oga Jammeh wants to give elder statesman Mugabe a run for his money. Stating he will not be intimidated and he will not climb down from that seat.

He is not going to 'step down'. I hope he knows nobody needs his consent to bundle him off? https://t.co/AyZPUlP9oY

— Zarah bint Jibrin (@BintJibrin) December 21, 2016

Is this going to be the next course of action? We’ll be watching.

2. Dear anonymous ATM time waster

It can be incredibly frustrating when the person ahead of you in an ATM queue is doing everything but withdrawing the money he came there for. Here’s an outburst that followed such an experience.

One guy wasting time at the ATM. Man behind him shouts "Press it noww, how much fit dey there with this trouser you dey wear"

??

— FK. (@fkabudu) December 21, 2016

Epic

3. Adam Saleh

Adam has been raising hell on Twitter because he was kicked off a Delta airline flight for speaking Arabic. There’s a bit of controversy regarding the situation, because sometime in the past, Adam claimed he squeezed into a tiny suitcase and illegally flew in the baggage hold from Melbourne to Sydney. It turned out to be false.

We got kicked out of a @Delta airplane because I spoke Arabic to my mom on the phone and with my friend slim… WTFFFFFFFF please spread pic.twitter.com/P5dQCE0qos

— Adam Saleh (@omgAdamSaleh) December 21, 2016

We are still stuck at the airport and Delta has not given us any info. They keep telling us to wait. Please spread the word #BoycottDelta

— Adam Saleh (@omgAdamSaleh) December 21, 2016

3. Artisans are the absolute worst. Promise and fail is their code of conduct. So we sympathise with @Tundealuko who paid for goods he is yet to receive. And this, after the salesman used Twitter to get business.

Another "please RT my potential clients may be on your TL" can't deliver on the first job I gave him. Part 1 pic.twitter.com/iYFenEvGkC

— Tunde Aluko (MFR) (@tundealuko) December 21, 2016

Called him & clearly spelt out time was of essence, he promised to deliver, 2 days earlier… Part 2 pic.twitter.com/hj40LIhdCI

— Tunde Aluko (MFR) (@tundealuko) December 21, 2016

Just 22 throw pillows, 10 days after agreed date, he delivered 8 at about 9pm, we are still waiting. pic.twitter.com/SwL57DGSbV

— Tunde Aluko (MFR) (@tundealuko) December 21, 2016

This person will now blame recession if we don't give him jobs anymore, or say wickedness when you lock him up.

— Tunde Aluko (MFR) (@tundealuko) December 21, 2016

He was over promising when I reached out, he said he will deliver in 3 days, I said I don't rush, I need it in 5 days. 11 days after we wait

— Tunde Aluko (MFR) (@tundealuko) December 21, 2016

He doesn't communicate till reach out ooo "@iamMrBoro: Mehn… I no even know wetin to talk https://t.co/SAdECKlwNF"

— Tunde Aluko (MFR) (@tundealuko) December 21, 2016

4. Japheth Omojuwa is having fun with these mischievous polls

What would you do if you found out your brother, son or close friend is Homo Sapiens?

— JJ. Omojuwa (@Omojuwa) December 21, 2016

If you discovered you had an active oesophagus, what would you do?

— JJ. Omojuwa (@Omojuwa) December 21, 2016

 

5. Mark Zuckerberg pulls a Tony Stark

We said here that artificial intelligence (AI, in case someone asks) is the future. Mark Zuckerberg shows us how, with Jarvis -of the marvel comics production – created by the famed genius, Tony Starck. Watch and learn.
Mark could use a few many more acting classes, but he’s a billionaire so there.

Facebook's Founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg introduces Jarvis, Jarvis is an AI Artificial Intelligence assistant in your home pic.twitter.com/QhST7OqeIt

— AJ Joshi Ⓥ (@AJ) December 21, 2016

…and this was Priscilla's take on the whole Jarvis thing, Zuck's new toy. pic.twitter.com/TRV571dM2b

— AJ Joshi Ⓥ (@AJ) December 21, 2016

6. Victor Asemota

This side of the Niger, Victor Asemota wants to know whose voice you’d like for your AI. Zuckerberg’s AI is Morgan Freeman.

Whose voice would you prefer for a Nigerian AI?

— Victor Asemota (@asemota) December 21, 2016

We love this answer. Cracks us up. Can easily imagine it.

Generic Nigerian mother

"You better wake up, your mates have been awake since 5. Now, bring that remote and press "sleep". I want to rest https://t.co/FnfMne934g

— Thr (@FishBowlOfWine) December 21, 2016

7. James Ibori

James Ibori is back. Yaay. Don’t crucify me yet. Just mimicking the alleged actions of some our countrymen when they heard the news. James Ibori had been serving time in jail in the UK.

Bonus:

Racism. No comment.

https://twitter.com/RevMelech/status/811581922895917056

Whistleblowers

That’s right. As a Federal Government whistleblower, you stand to make 5% of the loot. They have to recover the loot first, though.

"How did you make this much money? What do you even do for a living?"

I'm an active whistleblower for the Federal Government of Nigeria. 🙂

— Gimba Kakanda (@gimbakakanda) December 21, 2016

Make Nigerians rich again.

And all the people of God shall say amin.

Back tomorrow.