In one moment fuelled with pride, I shattered one of the best things I had going on for me.

Tonight, I’ll be having pounded yam, deliciously cooked ‘efo riro’ with all those stock fish and ‘ponmo’ variety, and a sizeable piece of cow leg meat. Yes I am proud of my meal, and why shouldn’t I be? All around me I see watering mouths! But that’s not even the story, tonight I’m happy. Hasn’t been so lately.

The only reason I’m smiling this much is this wonderful meal in front of me. It really is safe to say that once the meal is over, I’m going to be gloomy again. That sadness has been my dinner for a while now. That’s because a short while back, I decided to dine with pride.

It was my decision; totally and exclusively mine. Trouble sat on its own, looking ever so attractive and I smiled at it. My best friend- at some point, I hate to admit really, the love of my life, hurt me and I decided to pay back. He kept putting other life demands ahead of me. Just mention it- family, friends, games, all except work. See, we were partners, still are, actually. I did the work, call me a workaholic, it is true. So he felt comfortable with me making decisions. Somehow in our arrangement though, he made the money. I got the work done; he ensured we got the money. Not a bad deal. Just that I wasn’t satisfied. I wanted to be his first concern. His priority. Not that I ever told him. You know, he was my man, I expected he’ll figure that much out.

In any case, he was supposed to meet me for dinner on this fateful night. It should have been the night before, but I had work. I don’t put work ahead of this man, but sometimes, some things are just important. So we postponed our meet. When on the scheduled evening I didn’t see him, I tried calling. No response. Hours after, he sent me a text, “Babe, I’m so sorry, imma see you tomorrow”. Just like that! I was furious! In fact, thinking about it now, I still am! So I struck back. Without thinking, I sent him a text too, “Tomorrow, move all of ur stuff from my place”. The relationship became history-what it is now, hi story.

The bad thing about that message was he had no hint it was coming. I had never complained.  Truth was, that night, he was to babysit his nieces and nephew, children of his brother who had been earlier in the day admitted in the hospital for some severe type of malaria. This brother’s wife was unavoidably out of town, and my boyfriend not only believed I would understand all these, but also put up with his absence. So it was to him, all of a sudden. And sad thing is, he is still in shock. No one has heard from him and he just won’t see anyone at home.

And me? I’m worse. For the life of me, I don’t even know how to correct what I did. If I’m to apologize, I don’t know how to. In one moment fuelled with pride, I shattered one of the best things I had going on for me. Now, all I can do is hope this dinner tastes as good as it looks, so I can drown myself in it and forget for a while. Only for a while, because when I’m done, the pain will surely return. Each day, much worse than it was the day before.

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30 Days 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians to share their stories and experiences with other young Nigerians, within our borders and beyond, to inspire and motivate them.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.